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This "alpha/beta" crap is just that--crap. I know how the world works, that's all.
The guy's in his twenties, I know how guys in their 20s act.
Once he's gotten what he's wanted, there's no reason for him to stick around, or do anything for her. And he won't. He's a lost cause, and she should just forget about him.
Did you act that way when you were in your 20s?
I thought you don't believe in doctors or medicine, so you should think it's a good thing that he didn't bring her medicine.
Especially after you just told him you "need more time" for things to become "serious."
Sorry, but if you've been seeing a guy in a less serious way, he decides to pose that he'd like to define the relationship and be exclusive, and then you rebuke him, it's somewhat selfish and unfair for you to then expect that he'll still drop plans that he'd already made because you don't feel like going outside because you feel icky. After all, you're not serious or exclusive. That means that you're bascially dating. I may offer to drop medicine off, but I probably wouldn't feel inclined to hang out over there that long, either.
May not be the cuddly way to look at it, but I'm just being honest here!
I just wanted to point out that I've gotten over fifty rep points for my above opinion, if that's any indicator of peoples' general feelings. New personal record!
They are not friends. They dated a little and hopped into bed. It gets fuzzy from here from the original op regarding who initiated discussing anything more.
There are conditions on asking someone to come over and hang with a sick person. The medicine was 2nd to hanging out for a bit. You don't ask a stranger to do that and this is exactly the point; she had sex with a practical stranger and now expects him to prove his love to her. She may be right considering how she gave when he needed it (dog dying...). Still, this is a lesson to not get involved so fast. The pressure of expectations will kill anything good.
If you want a serious relationship, take time to develop a friendship first. He has every right to keep dating (as do you) even if you had sex. Men seem to get the feminist movement better than women. He assumed she made a personal choice in having sex without asking for a commitment before (as her right) but for her to expect more from him after is downright manipulative. Accept personal responsibility for your actions and judge others upon theirs. There really is no right or wrong here when it comes down to it. It's a personal choice to forgive what you consider an affront or move on.
For what it was worth, I wasn't expecting him to want to stay over there. I would agree I wouldn't have mentioned it if I were in that situation. Regardless of the conditions, anyone that is ready for a serious relationship, even with someone they may not be "obligated" to do anything for, but still care about, would have at least tried to do something thoughtful--not spend the day, but something other than saying, "I wish I could help you feel better". I don't think dropping off medication before going to his friends would have been out of the question, if his interest in her wasn't based on conditions.
I guess the bottom line is neither one is ready for a serious relationship. Both should know a relationship is about give and take, and not based on conditions when you don't get your way.
Man, I have a better insite into why so many are having such a hard time dating and being in a relationship. I never realized there was a specific time limit and level of commitment for people to do something nice for someone they are suspose to have feeling for.
One has to commit to a serious exclusive relationship to have them drop off some cold medicine.
What level of humanity does one get for engagement, marriage, having someones child?
If they were engaged would it be acceptable for him to see her mucus filled self and perhaps sit with her for a few minutes. After marriage he could actually ask her to drop him off at the airport?
Geesh. As I said Ive done as much for people that are just acquaintances.
Man, I have a better insite into why so many are having such a hard time dating and being in a relationship. I never realized there was a specific time limit and level of commitment for people to do something nice for someone they are suspose to have feeling for.
One has to commit to a serious exclusive relationship to have them drop off some cold medicine.
What level of humanity does one get for engagement, marriage, having someones child?
If they were engaged would it be acceptable for him to see her mucus filled self and perhaps sit with her for a few minutes. After marriage he could actually ask her to drop him off at the airport?
Geesh. As I said Ive done as much for people that are just acquaintances.
Agreed. Regardless of the other variables, or whether or not she actually expected him to stay with her while sick, the bottom line is the dude wouldn't even drop off some medicine.
I have done more for someone I was "seeing" but not yet in a defined relationship with. Didn't know I should have asked for a ring before picking him up at the airport.
I don't know why people are bashing the OP and saying he had no obligation to her because she said she wasn't ready to be exclusive yet after just a few short weeks of dating. As 2mares said, I've done as much and have for acquaintances. If you want a serious relationship with someone, you have to be a good friend first and that's what friends do.
I wouldn't have expected him to hang around because actually I can understand not wanting to get sick if you're in a position, for example, where you cant' afford to take off from work and/or get other people sick. That being said, however, he could have offered to pick up whatever medication was needed and/or some chicken soup before going out with friends and either made a quick visit to minimize the risk of getting sick or even just dropped it off outside the door.
Sorry, but I think he's not good relationship material. I don't blame you for being pissed off.
I don't know why people are bashing the OP and saying he had no obligation to her because she said she wasn't ready to be exclusive yet after just a few short weeks of dating. As 2mares said, I've done as much and have for acquaintances. If you want a serious relationship with someone, you have to be a good friend first and that's what friends do.
I wouldn't have expected him to hang around because actually I can understand not wanting to get sick if you're in a position, for example, where you cant' afford to take off from work and/or get other people sick. That being said, however, he could have offered to pick up whatever medication was needed and/or some chicken soup before going out with friends and either made a quick visit to minimize the risk of getting sick or even just dropped it off outside the door.
Sorry, but I think he's not good relationship material. I don't blame you for being pissed off.
I hear what you are saying but quite frankly you say it yourself in the bolded part above.
Imagine if you'd gone on a few dates with a guy, had sex and wanted to be exclusive and he said no. Then he calls you up and wants you to break your plans to run errands for him?
I think you are correct about the relationship material thing but I think it may apply to BOTH of them?
If I knew both of them IRL then I could draw some firmer conclusions but I can't. The truth might be that he's a user just out for sex or that she is a princess that wants to call all the shots and he stood up to her and she got mad. Maybe it's somewhere in-between.
I would say that the AGE of the people involved would play a big part in my thinking. I'm guessing these are 20-somethings.
If they were older I would be much more inclined to side with the gal in the situation.
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Maybe it's somewhere in-between.
