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Not picking on you, but what part of she just asked him to bring some medicine are people not getting?
I agree he owes nothing to her, especially if she wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship with him. I don't think she had a right to expect him to stay with her all night and risk getting sick himself, but surely a quick trip to the store wasn't too much to ask. Granted, there may have been some specific circumstances that prevented him from going to the pharmacy but come on, there's a Walgreens on every freaking corner. If he cared about her AT ALL, the least he could have done was drop some meds off at her door and then go on his way.
There are very few people that I wouldn't help out that way. If I had plans to hang with my friends, they could wait a few minutes and every single one of my friends would understand.
I don't see the disagreement then if you agree he owes nothing to her after she turned him down for a serious relationship. And surely, a quick trip to the store to deliver her medicine was in fact: too much to ask. This woman doesn't want something serious with him, at least not right now, so now she becomes a matter of convenience. She relieved him of all "go out of your way" duties as a boyfriend when she denied him the exclusivity and relationship status.
The other case of this that the guy is the one to make a move for a relationship and got shot down. What does this say to a guy? It says he's moving too fast or he thinks he's coming on too strong. So bringing her medicine would be a move of doing too much for her at this point. He doesn't know if she wants anything with him, for all he knows she does NOT want any seriousness, so if he has plans then I don't blame him for not going to get her medicine out of his way.
I personally would feel like a tool getting used if I had asked a girl to be in a relationship, got turned down, then found myself hand-delivering medicine to her when she calls for it.
Don't worry about picking on me, I can take it, this is a stance I'll sleep well on every night. Guy did the right thing.
I've been seeing this guy for just several weeks, everything has been fine and we see each other almost every other day. He said he wants a serious exclusive relationship and I told him I need more time (and I explained it's not like I want to date other guys, I just want to see if we're compatible before I make a decision).
So today when we were talking on the phone, I told him I'm sick and my body temp is high. He first said "oh I wish I could make you feel better." Then I asked "can you come over here for a little bit and bring me some medicine?" He responded:" but I don't want to get sick. and I told my friends I'm going to hang out with them." Then I had to walk in the cold myself to go to the drug store....
Is it unreasonable for me to be upset with his reaction? Now I'm more scared of entering into a relationship with him, because I don't expect my bf to run away when I need him
If you would have said yes to an exclusive relationship, then you have reason to be pissed at him. BUT you said you wanted to hold out and see if you two are compatible. Then you're testing him when you ask for him to come over while sick to see his response. I would have told him I was sick and ask if he could drop medicine off on the way to his friend's house.
Don't put him through hoops to see if you two are compatible or ask hypothetical questions to see his responses. That's game playing and he'll just move on.
I also wouldn't have told him that I didn't want to be exclusive yet because of compatibility issues. I would have just told him since you are unsure of your feelings towards him, that I would like to take things slower but I wouldn't be dating anyone else.
She might have other friends--but the point is that if this guy wants to show he VALUES her, he would have stopped and got the medicine for her. Win himself some points. It's not like she's asking him to stay with her and be miserable with her, just stop in for five minutes (or less). Win himself some points. If he can't be bothered to do that, then why should she pursue a relationship with him?
He already DID show her that he values her, by asking to be in a relationship. She turned him down saying she needs more time to decide. So that's that! he'd be a fool to jump through hoops after a women said no. Smart man who doesn't want to end up as the Friend Zone Zombie.
You told the guy you don't want to be serious and now are upset he's not risking his health or giving up plans already made to run to your side?
Come on...
Hey, I was going to say that! She just rejected him to make sure he's right for her then turn around and tells him to get some meds for her! What da hell?!
She might have other friends--but the point is that if this guy wants to show he VALUES her, he would have stopped and got the medicine for her. Win himself some points. It's not likeshe's asking him to stay with her and be miserable with her, just stop in for five minutes (or less). Win himself some points. If he can't be bothered to do that, then why should she pursue a relationship with him?
You don't know that. Based on her first post it isn't even clear to anyone what she said to him. There's a lot of assumption going on in this thread. She asked him to come over, but my gut says she didn't specifically ask him to bring her any medicine nor does she indicate he had an option of either staying or not. She only told him to come over as his only option and he may not have a clue that she wanted him to bring her something or simply pick it up for her and she's only whining here over the consequences. It's simply speculation. I posted a list of questions a page or so back in order to clarify what, exactly, was said.
In addition, he's not a dog to be trained to show some kind of loyalty. Sounds like the way I talk to my dogs, "Be a good boy and I'll give you a biscut."
He already DID show her that he values her, by asking to be in a relationship. She turned him down saying she needs more time to decide. So that's that! he'd be a fool to jump through hoops after a women said no. Smart man who doesn't want to end up as the Friend Zone Zombie.
Yeah, any guy who wants to get more regular sex will ask for one of those. That isn't an indication that he values her.
I've been seeing this guy for just several weeks, everything has been fine and we see each other almost every other day. He said he wants a serious exclusive relationship and I told him I need more time (and I explained it's not like I want to date other guys, I just want to see if we're compatible before I make a decision).
So today when we were talking on the phone, I told him I'm sick and my body temp is high. He first said "oh I wish I could make you feel better." Then I asked "can you come over here for a little bit and bring me some medicine?" He responded:" but I don't want to get sick. and I told my friends I'm going to hang out with them." Then I had to walk in the cold myself to go to the drug store....
Is it unreasonable for me to be upset with his reaction? Now I'm more scared of entering into a relationship with him, because I don't expect my bf to run away when I need him
Reasonable of course. You want some medicine and he doesn't care your illness.
I don't see the disagreement then if you agree he owes nothing to her after she turned him down for a serious relationship. And surely, a quick trip to the store to deliver her medicine was in fact: too much to ask. This woman doesn't want something serious with him, at least not right now, so now she becomes a matter of convenience. She relieved him of all "go out of your way" duties as a boyfriend when she denied him the exclusivity and relationship status.
The other case of this that the guy is the one to make a move for a relationship and got shot down. What does this say to a guy? It says he's moving too fast or he thinks he's coming on too strong. So bringing her medicine would be a move of doing too much for her at this point. He doesn't know if she wants anything with him, for all he knows she does NOT want any seriousness, so if he has plans then I don't blame him for not going to get her medicine out of his way.
I personally would feel like a tool getting used if I had asked a girl to be in a relationship, got turned down, then found myself hand-delivering medicine to her when she calls for it.
Don't worry about picking on me, I can take it, this is a stance I'll sleep well on every night. Guy did the right thing.
If it was too much to ask, which it obviously was, then she should forget about him and move on. He must not have been too scarred by being asked to wait on a serious relationship. He cared enough to still keep in contact and see each other, yet didn't want to do one small thing that could have helped her out when she was sick. If he wasn't smart enough to think of offering to drop off some medicine on his way to meet his friends, then I don't really know what else to say.
Maybe the problem is that I don't see dropping off some medicine as a "boyfriend duty." I would do that for almost anyone, regardless of their relationship to me, and I most likely would expect nothing in return (except maybe reimbursement depending on the person and what they want me to pick up!). I tend to see it as something small I can do to help out a fellow human being.
However, I do agree with you that he shouldn't be expected to drop his plans and go out of his way for her all the time and generally be a doormat. I don't think she has a right to be upset that he didn't blow off his friends to hang with her all night.
Perhaps I'm getting too hung up on the medicine issue.
She might have other friends--but the point is that if this guy wants to show he VALUES her, he would have stopped and got the medicine for her. Win himself some points. It's not like she's asking him to stay with her and be miserable with her, just stop in for five minutes (or less). Win himself some points. If he can't be bothered to do that, then why should she pursue a relationship with him?
Doing this would make him look like a tool after she just rejected his relationship offer.
Reasonable of course. You want some medicine and he doesn't care your illness.
I think it's a lot to expect so much from someone you hardly know and only met a few weeks ago. No, after being told to back up, I would be emotionally protective of myself too. She wants everything both ways and on her terms. I don't think a lot of these posts take into consideration the position this man or boy is in ...I wouldn't go out on a limb and dump my plans to be an errand girl for someone who told me to back off as that says you obviously don't need me right now, but .... But she wants to pick and choose what segments in her life he's suppose to come jumping in wthout question and which segments are off limits. That is confusing and very unfair.
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