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Yeah I always thought that if someone didn't care about me at all in the beginning, he just wouldn't care about me later on either. He said I am selfish to ask him come over because it's not like we've been dating forever or we're married - i don't get it, i can only ask someone for help if i've been with that person for a long time?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
He lives 8 miles away from me, and yes he does have a car. All my close friends live far away from here and some were out of town - that's why I thought it was easier to ask him.
I never said I didn't want to be serious with him, ever. I simply said I need more time. He had stomach problems last week, I offered to visit him. His dog died last week and he was sad for several days - I barely know him, of course I don't care about his dog. But I listened to him talking and complaining about the death of his dog for hours every day. I thought I was being nice to him when he needed someone, why can't I expect the same?
Let me give you a comparison. We have friends whose son had been dating someone for 1-2 months while away at school. He comes down with something that lays him up for about a week. He calls her for help and she who really didn't know this guy (her words), went over and took care of him until he got better, picking up his prescription and making him some meals. I think that incident decided it for him because they are now married.
Because that's how you find out if a person is worth having a relationship with. I've been tested before, doesn't bother me any.
And this is why you've never had a meaningful relationship in your life, and also why you have almost zero friends. You have no sense of self respect and turn yourself into a doormat for your chronically misguided ideas of chivalry.
He sounds flaky and he might be a player handing you a line about "a serious exclusive relationship". Dump him. Even friends do favors for each other. All you asked him to do is bring you some medicine from the drugstore. it wasn't as if you asked to be taken to the hospital or anything. A guy that can't show me he can be a good friend to me can completely forget about receiving any "benefits".
I moved here for school - so no I don't have any family members here. I have friends but I live in the suburb of the city so I really don't have any friends live close by, except for one and he was out of town.
As I suspected we are basically dealing with teenagers to 22 year olds. Given that information none of this behavior on the part of either party surprises me a whole lot.
I don't see the disagreement then if you agree he owes nothing to her after she turned him down for a serious relationship. And surely, a quick trip to the store to deliver her medicine was in fact: too much to ask. This woman doesn't want something serious with him, at least not right now, so now she becomes a matter of convenience. She relieved him of all "go out of your way" duties as a boyfriend when she denied him the exclusivity and relationship status.
The other case of this that the guy is the one to make a move for a relationship and got shot down. What does this say to a guy? It says he's moving too fast or he thinks he's coming on too strong. So bringing her medicine would be a move of doing too much for her at this point. He doesn't know if she wants anything with him, for all he knows she does NOT want any seriousness, so if he has plans then I don't blame him for not going to get her medicine out of his way.
I personally would feel like a tool getting used if I had asked a girl to be in a relationship, got turned down, then found myself hand-delivering medicine to her when she calls for it.
Don't worry about picking on me, I can take it, this is a stance I'll sleep well on every night. Guy did the right thing.
I feel like I need to add more info - I didn't want to write too much in the beginning because people get bored reading a long paragraph. What happened was that on our 4th date, we had sex. I thought he would ask me to be his girlfriend or something, but he never mentioned anything. Then his dog died, he was really sad, I talked to him, listened to him for hours every day. Then I found out he got on to some dating website recently and felt I was being used - I seriously had no idea how many women he was looking for, cuz i really thought he was so sad about the death of his dog that he couldn't do anything! When I asked him about it, he said he just got on to took his pics off the websites. Later, when he seemed emotionally fine, I asked him to go hang out with my friends and he said he was still sad about his dog and didn't want to go (I didn't know what was the real reason that he didn't want to go, but at least he acted normal and not sad at all in front of me).
So after a while I got a little impatient, when we were on the phone I asked him if there's any reason why he never asked me to be his girlfriend. He said
I should assume I am his girlfriend. He was walking his other dog, saying hi to people when I tried to talk about this with him, which made me feel he didn't care too much. When I saw him in person, I brought it up again, and he said "yeah I don't need to ask you whether you want to be in a relationship with me, I thought you already knew."
I wanted to be with him and thats why I asked him about it repeatedly. However, Just combining the fact that he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend after sex, he didn't want to see my friends (he said he was sad but I saw him normal), he got on some dating websites (I had no idea what he was doing on the there), I kind of started to feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. So I decided I might need more time.
And this is why you've never had a meaningful relationship in your life, and also why you have almost zero friends. You have no sense of self respect and turn yourself into a doormat for your chronically misguided ideas of chivalry.
You and the OP would make an excellent couple.
Every one of my relationships have been meaningful, including my marriage. Just because I don't believe in haranguing a partner, or being harangued by her, doesn't mean that we don't respect ourselves or each other.
Treating each other with kindness and respect is important. Better than treating each other like ****.
And this is why you've never had a meaningful relationship in your life, and also why you have almost zero friends. You have no sense of self respect and turn yourself into a doormat for your chronically misguided ideas of chivalry.
You and the OP would make an excellent couple.
maybe people are different? At that moment I just thought - why would I ask a friend to drive 30 minutes to come over here if I could instead ask him, since he lives closer and we are in fact romantically involved. I did call a friend to bring me over some stuff last night, after the guy told me after his party that he was too drunk to drive and I was feeling really crappy.
Plus, I don't know how you treat other people, I go help people if I'm asked to do so - even if I barely know them. That's how you make friends.
Every one of my relationships have been meaningful, including my marriage. Just because I don't believe in haranguing a partner, or being harangued by her, doesn't mean that we don't respect ourselves or each other.
Treating each other with kindness and respect is important. Better than treating each other like ****.
This is your problem. You can't distinguish between having healthy boundaries and treating someone like ****, so you become the textbook definition of a ***** whipped doormat because you equate that to being "the good guy".
If you walked in on your girlfriend cheating on you and she demanded you get her something to drink, I have no doubt that you would actually do it.
I know that treating someone like **** might work just fine for you, but I have more respect for women than that. And they tend to have higher self-esteem than the ones you date. Because they ask ME for the date, and the relationship--I never do.
My girlfriends have not, for the most part, cheated on me. Just the one that said she wanted "friends with benefits". Well, apparently she thought that didn't mean she needed to be exclusive, that's the only one I walked away from. Because I demand exclusivity.
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