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I don't know what to think about "guys" at this point . . . I find indiscriminate sex to be very "base." I don't want to get naked with people I do not even know and cannot fathom why anyone would.
Your point about the "hard" edge (for lack of better description) of The Castro makes a lot of sense.
I guess my sensibilities are very refined and I find crudeness of any kind a turn off . . . the crude factor is the turnoff, whether in people hooking up with complete strangers in bathrooms or whatever or the leather shops and overt leather scene in The Castro . . . just crude - and I guess as a woman I see the feminine in some gay men and so conclude that they don't have that crude edge but it is just not being shown to women, I guess . . . still not really clear, but thank you for trying.
You're welcome...after all my intent is to open a dialogue for gays and straights and it's easy to misunderstand people on the internet.
Guys are just like that...look at the straight bars...they are a meatrack just like gay bars...just different "cuts" of meat...LOL...
You can't judge gays by the Castro....that's the equivalent of a straight red light district...both have their place and function; but it's NOT how the majority of gays/straights conduct themselves.
Also gay parades are the same thing......it's SOME gay people having a good time for a day......like Mardi Gras in New Orleans with boobs/beads....it's just some people having some fun and not indicative of how most straight or gay folks behave in their everyday lives.
Straight people have what you describe as "crude" behaviour too(think boob flashing for beads).....not just the gays....it's just our indiscretions are easier to see.....and find fault with.
I've literally stumbled across straight couples going at it on the beach...but if gay guys do it...they'll get arrested...it's a double standard...you'll not see the straight couple in the newspaper because the cops overlook their behaviour and just harass the gays.
I've also seen straight couples having intercourse at and during football games(partially covered with a blanket).......nobody said a thing...IF it were guys...they'd get arrested and be shamed in the newspaper.
So my point is would it be right for me to judge a whole group of straight people by the actions of a few straight(and visible) people. Perhaps now you can see my point......it's all relative.
PS.....even the most effeminate gay guys can be pretty sexually wicked, plus I know plenty of effeminate straight guys who are afraid to get their hands dirty or break a nail......everybody is different....the world would be far too boring if we were all the same.
I don't mean this with any disrespect, but, it seems like some gay people's whole identities are tied to their sexuality.... IDK, I don't feel it's the same for straight people.... I don't know, perhaps it's the minority status of it all, but it just seems like some gays, everything about them is linked to their gayness, for lack of a a better term...
I don't harbor any ill will... just seems like an observation I have.... just look at some of the over-the-top gay guys and some lesbians just seem over-the-top as well.
Set me straight.....
No pun intended......
So I am a member of the GLBT community as well. I have often thought about this myself. It comes up a lot within the community too believe it or not. I see there being a few distinct possibilities:
1. The person has an identity that is very different from the majority in America and is in the process of defining that, and in doing so, seek consensus or comfort from others in the same boat. For myself, it took quite a while to find the appropriate label, which is pansexual. I dated women, I called myself lesbian. I dated men and called myself bi. Then I dated a transwoman and discovered there was no label for me. I was always scurrying from group to group. Nowadays, I don't even know if I like pansexual. In fact, I try not to go by any labels these days.
2. It seems that the person defines themselves by being gay because heterosexuality is so prevalent, so when someone mentions aspects of their (homosexual) life, it seems like they're "making a big deal of it." For example, I have a coworker who constantly talks about his wife and kids, and I'm on other forums where the female posters talk constantly about their boyfriends. No one would accuse these people of making everything about being straight, right?
3. Like in any other community, there are people who go into the world with great big chips on their shoulders, and who pin every disappointment in life on their being gay (male, white, black, short, bald, whatever). In our own local community, there are several types like this. And generally, the feedback they get from the GLBT community mirrors the feedback they get from heterosexuals: "Sweetheart, it's not all about YOU."
So I am a member of the GLBT community as well. I have often thought about this myself. It comes up a lot within the community too believe it or not. I see there being a few distinct possibilities:
1. The person has an identity that is very different from the majority in America and is in the process of defining that, and in doing so, seek consensus or comfort from others in the same boat. For myself, it took quite a while to find the appropriate label, which is pansexual. I dated women, I called myself lesbian. I dated men and called myself bi. Then I dated a transwoman and discovered there was no label for me. I was always scurrying from group to group. Nowadays, I don't even know if I like pansexual. In fact, I try not to go by any labels these days.
2. It seems that the person defines themselves by being gay because heterosexuality is so prevalent, so when someone mentions aspects of their (homosexual) life, it seems like they're "making a big deal of it." For example, I have a coworker who constantly talks about his wife and kids, and I'm on other forums where the female posters talk constantly about their boyfriends. No one would accuse these people of making everything about being straight, right?
3. Like in any other community, there are people who go into the world with great big chips on their shoulders, and who pin every disappointment in life on their being gay (male, white, black, short, bald, whatever). In our own local community, there are several types like this. And generally, the feedback they get from the GLBT community mirrors the feedback they get from heterosexuals: "Sweetheart, it's not all about YOU."
Hope that helped.
Good points......I understand what you mean by one and three. I knew many bisexual folks; when their relationship with one sex got serious....they usually would suddenly decide to "try" the other sex again....so I agree we all label each other and ourselves far too much...we are all unique and never completely fit the mold of any one label.
Number 2.....You are EXACTLY correct...straight people just don't realize how often they "flaunt" their sexuality....they are always talking about it but since everyone else is as well they don't notice they are doing it.
When gays talk about their lives.....in any way, shape or form...it stands out from the majority and we are wrongly perceived as "flaunting" out sexuality. It's really a double standard...where I can talk about my life BUT you cannot talk about yours.
When gays talk about their lives.....in any way, shape or form...it stands out from the majority and we are wrongly perceived as "flaunting" out sexuality. It's really a double standard...where I can talk about my life BUT you cannot talk about yours.
Well I can def see what you mean about flaunting. I mean I can sit and go on and on about my boyfriend and some would call that flaunting. Or better yet if I hold a dude's hand that's considered by some as "flaunting".
I don't know what to think about "guys" at this point . . . I find indiscriminate sex to be very "base." I don't want to get naked with people I do not even know and cannot fathom why anyone would.
There's nothing wrong with that line of thinking. I will admit that I've hooked up a LOT in my day. I've been trying to settle or at least slow down but so far hasn't happened.
Actually I think a lot of men are starting to slow it down these days. There's plenty that are old fashion and don't put out on the first date. I like to hookup then go out on the date haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
Your point about the "hard" edge (for lack of better description) of The Castro makes a lot of sense.
The Castro has been mentioned a lot in this thread. I don't know its not the end all be all for me. Give me NYC now that's a city for boys (and girls as well). There's just so many to be had
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
I guess my sensibilities are very refined and I find crudeness of any kind a turn off . . . the crude factor is the turnoff, whether in people hooking up with complete strangers in bathrooms or whatever or the leather shops and overt leather scene in The Castro . . . just crude - and I guess as a woman I see the feminine in some gay men and so conclude that they don't have that crude edge but it is just not being shown to women, I guess . . . still not really clear, but thank you for trying.
Well see that's the thing gay men are still men. Also keep in mind that as mentioned, men have a much easier time separating sex from love.
Well I can def see what you mean about flaunting. I mean I can sit and go on and on about my boyfriend and some would call that flaunting. Or better yet if I hold a dude's hand that's considered by some as "flaunting".
I personally have NO problem with straight folks talking about their mates and showing affection; however you see my point that if I even mention I'm gay.....then it gets twisted around by some as "I'm flaunting".
I don't mean this with any disrespect, but, it seems like some gay people's whole identities are tied to their sexuality.... IDK, I don't feel it's the same for straight people....
It is the same for straight people, you just don't notice it about yourselves, and it tends to be *all* you notice about us.
Somebody said that gay people "get one measly thread," but people can post anywhere they like, as long as they follow the rules. These rules include, among other things, no personal attacks, no bashing, and no stirring up trouble (trolling).
Game on.
Last edited by JustJulia; 03-02-2011 at 08:30 PM..
It is the same for straight people, you just don't notice it about yourselves, and it tends to be *all* you notice about us.
I totally agree...I find that's it's some of the straight people dwelling on gay sex...not the gays. We are like everyone else...we work....we sleep...we eat....our sexuality is no more or no less a part of our lives than our straight counterparts.
It's kinda a double standard......I can "do it" but you folks can't.
Somebody said that gay people "get one measly thread," but people can post anywhere they like, as long as they follow the rules. These rules include, among other things, no personal attacks, no bashing, and no stirring up trouble (trolling).
Game on.
LOL.....I'm happy with this thread as more posters find it........."game on"......that's funny.
P.S......I love my football......just to shake up a few stereotyoes..
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