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That just proves there are classless jerks everywhere.
We would go out with friends all the time...and to make things easy, my wife and I fell into the pattern of just picking up the whole bill figuring that they could get it next time. We even waved them off and said, "You get it next time." They would nod and say, "Yeah!"
Well, I don't know what kind of fools we were, because they NEVER got it next time, and we must have bought a dozen dinners before I just got sick of it.
They are no longer our friends.
My good friends (and the ones I keep) fight me tooth and nail over every bill.
I always found it weird how freeloaders behave. When you confront them about it, they just act surprised and shocked that you would think they are classless. It's like they don't consciously realize they are leeching off people.
They just assume you're loaded because you paid once and that it pleases you to pay for them. They mistake your generosity for wealth and just go along with it.
i think really when a guys asks you to go out ot eat, in the first place he should be buying. but unfortunatly, that's not how today works.
If I ask a woman out on a date, you better believe at the end of the night I will have wallet or credit card in hand, ready to foot the bill(s)...thst's just the way I was raised...
Consequently, if I am asked out by a woman, there are times I will go ahead and pay unasked, but there are also times that it should either be 'Dutch Treat' or she should pay...LOL---y'all know I believe in balance...
Moderator cut: Removed reference to deleted comment.
Last edited by JustJulia; 03-03-2011 at 03:37 PM..
This is hypothetical, but yes, I would decline the date. I just couldn't let a woman pay for me. I would tell her so, too. I would want her to know the truth (that I'm broke) and not feel rejected. If she insisted on paying, I *might* give in and go on the date, but probably not. Mind you, I'm not saying this is how all men should be. I'm just being honest with how I am. I'm not comfortable letting a woman I don't know EXTREMELY well (i.e., wife, sister) picking up a tab for me. I couldn't let a woman I'm in the getting-to-know stage do so. Because one thing I would want her to know about me is that I pay my own way, and if a woman graces me with the pleasure of her company, I expect to pay hers too.
That there has sealed the deal for me. I see where you stand, and I know where I stand. We are so far part that we would never find a resonable common ground on this topic, even if we tried.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb
I agree, but being a responsible man and a responsible woman aren't exactly the same. A responsible woman knows how to take care of herself and can do so, but she also is well within her rights if she allows another person to do it. I suppose a reponsible *could* conceivably be supported by a woman .. like she makes a lot of money and he stays home with the kids... but that's a bit eccentric, don't you think?
Oh yes I do, but benign eccentricity is something I can live with. I even encourage it.
If a man asks me out then yes, I expect him to pay. At least at the beginning
What is this “beginning” or “initial stages”, “probation period”, etc.? For you, how long are these periods/stages? For some people it takes months, other years, and so on.
What is this “beginning” or “initial stages”, “probation period”, etc.? For you, how long are these periods/stages? For some people it takes months, other years, and so on.
I mean like in the first few dates, if a gentleman is inviting me, I would not pay. Later, like a few weeks later, I can reciprocate.
But some men love to be the man. Just be romantic and pay for dinner. This does not mean I would expect for a man to support me.
I truly believe if a man is into me, he would not mind to pay for a few dinners, or movie tickets.
I mean like in the first few dates, if a gentleman is inviting me, I would not pay. Later, like a few weeks later, I can reciprocate.
I see. So you will be nice to reciprocate weeks down the road. What holds you from doing that nice gesture earlier?
Quote:
I truly believe if a man is into me, he would not mind to pay for a few dinners, or movie tickets.
I think the same with women. If they are truly into me, they won’t mind paying for my dinners, movie tickets, etc. Just like I do with them. As of me, I don’t make women wait for me to start being nice. I’ll do those nice gestures and what not right off the bat. The women I am used to going out with do the same. Whatever works for ya’.
I feel kinda the same way as you do. I want to be the one who pays, I want to be the gentleman. But at the same time, don't you kinda contradict yourself when you say "the man should always pay" and "I'm not saying this is how all men should be."....
I don't want to feel like it's my duty to pay or that I'm less of a man if I don't, regardless if it's other men or women saying it is my duty. It puts me off wanting to do the paying. I think some of these old-fashioned attitudes are more offensive towards women than they are good, there are alot of smart women who makes good money. Most women don't need a man to take care of them, they are not children.
But I will always pay for the date, but that is because I'm a man and men do the asking. And the one who does the asking pays. If a woman somehow did ask me out(which I doub't since it pretty unusual), I would prefer if she offered a home-cooked meal instead of actually taking me out to dinner. I wouldn't like to feel like I'm getting taken out to dinner by a woman, it's a bit emasculating for me. But if a woman did ask a man out then she should be prepared to pay for herself.
Just for your information, making a nice dinner at home can be just as expensive as going out, except that you are stuck with the labor, too.
Be nice to the woman, suck it up, and let her take you out. Maybe she doesn't want to work her fingers to the bone.
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Noooot Necessarily...
