Old, bitter, men hating women. Is that all there is left for me? (date, girlfriends)
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I don't think it's hopeless, but I think you need to be realistic. At your age (and your date's potential age), you've been through some stuff. Very few people have made it to that age without having some sort of bad experience in the dating world. Maybe they lost a spouse and are widowed. Maybe they got divorced. Maybe they were screwed. Maybe they never dated anyone and are sad they were always alone. You just don't make it to being available at 53 without something sad having happened. See how it's not exactly the same as when you're that bright eyed 20 year old who's never been hurt?
Anyway, I would try to focus on the positive and try to be a little more accepting of the negative. No, you don't want a woman who just complains about her exes non-stop. But most people want a partner they can confide in, a soft place to fall. So if they want to test out sharing with you some of the hurts they lived through to see if you're that sympathetic ear, you might listen for a bit.
Over the years my beloved Mom went on several 'Merry Widow' cruises out of Florida. She loved to dance, more dancing & make friends, enjoy beautiful destinations. She had these opportunities, on ship.
Give a cruise a try. You might make some great friends.
I think you should take a break and not date. Get a different mindset. If these are the only types of women you're finding out there presently, give it a rest.
Join a club. Find an interest or hobby that gives you some passion. Don't actively pursue the dating. Do some things for yourself, only.
Take a cruise, YES alone. Take one of the theme cruises on a topic like adventure novels. Join a spelunking club or sky diving, the Power Squadron (boating), become a library volunteer, trake a college course. Do NOT look for a woman to date. Look to make friends. I bet you'll meet a whole new group of people.
I'm 53, divorced 4 yrs after a 24 yr marriage. Jumped right in to a rebound relationship that I ended about 8 months ago. She was 44 with a 7 yr old son and 21 yr old daughter and 3 dogs she treated like kids.
Anyway I have started to date again and what I'm finding is that the women in my age range, 45-55, seem to all be very bitter about growing old and how they have been treated by men their whole life. All i hear about is how terrible their ex's were and how they can't trust men. They have these totally unrealistic expectations now of what they want in a man and won't settle for anything less.
it is almost like they want to be in a relationship in order to punish the guy for all the past sins men have committed against them.
And yes I know I am generalizing here but in my case so far these are the only women I am coming across. They present themselves at first as having it all together but it quickly comes out, all the stories of past abuse and being cheated on and how they have lost all faith in men or finding a decent one. I'm constantly asked, so what makes you different? What kind of friggin question is that?
I have had enough drama in my life to script 10 soap operas. I just want some peace and a woman I can have a good time with. I don't want to deal with or hear about someones ex or raise someone else's kids. I don't want to be compared to or judged against someones past relationships. We have all been screwed over one way or another. I just want to give someone my best and get the same in return. I'm starting to think at my age it is hopeless.
Maybe it's time I get a dog.
I ran into this to some extent when dating at age 38.
I went on a number of dates with bitter damaged gals and dated a gal for a while before her issues blew things up. I went on to find a much better match.
So, it's good to vent but if you are frustrated you need to take a deep breath and a short break before trying again.
It sounds like you are figuring out what you can and cannot handle. If you knew you didn't want to deal with kids etc. and dated the one gal then that is your own fault, otherwise chalk it up to experience.
"....45-55, seem to all be very bitter about growing old and how they have been treated by men their whole life."
Then move on. You're not choosing the right women. 99% of people in that age group have had relationships in the past, either good or bad.
My advice is to find a woman who was happily married and who is widowed. I have always been happily married to a great man and I adore men and have no bitterness towards them. But I have never experienced a break up or infidelity.
Find a woman who loved her husband and was never hurt by them. There are plenty of widows out there!
It sounds like some ageism issues. There are bitter women of all ages no need to start labeling. Sometimes women just like to vent, it doesn't make them all bitter, it makes them honest. So if a woman asks what makes you different from the guys that screwed her over, tell her. ???
Believe me, a woman does not want to waste her time having a relationship with a guy to punish men.
it is almost like they want to be in a relationship in order to punish the guy for all the past sins men have committed against them.
And yes I know I am generalizing here but in my case so far these are the only women I am coming across. They present themselves at first as having it all together but it quickly comes out, all the stories of past abuse and being cheated on and how they have lost all faith in men or finding a decent one. I'm constantly asked, so what makes you different? What kind of friggin question is that?
I'm starting to think at my age it is hopeless.
So what's different from being 20? seems most or all women my age either hate guys or use and abuse guys because they can.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
I'm only 27 and the vast majority of the men I've gone out with (late 20's to early 30's) are extremely bitter towards women...
Is that so weird considering how young women treat men?
I am happily divorced and by all means do not hate men.... so divorced is not necesarly bitter. Or it shouldn't be.
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