Dating a widow or widower...or divorcee who isn't totally "free" yet! (girlfriend, woman)
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Thanks for your great posts! Awhile back ago I ran into a man who had been widowed for 6 years...He was "out there" and ready to get married again but he hadn't done very much "grief work" at all over losing his wife...And he and his wife had been married for decades! He tried to keep the door "shut tight" so he wouldn't have to feel any pain...I am in no rush to "hook up" with someone fast just so I won't have to face being alone...I don't like being without my "honey" and I don't like being alone at 62 and having to start all over again by myself! I wish my husband was still right here by my side! But I'm glad he didn't stick around and suffer and suffer with cancer because this would have been worse for him and worse for me too!
I had interest before my divorce was complete and I didnt understand it on several levels. I made it more than two decades honorably and now I'm going to cheat? And why would anyone even want me? I was completely heartbroken. I couldnt recognize a joke when it was told let alone laugh at it. My daughter would just look at me and start crying. I was very clear that I was in no way open to anything in that regard but there it was.
When love died something inside me died too, I dont know what it was but I know its missing. I'm getting better bit by bit. Humor touches me now. I no longer wake up and wish I hadnt. I was thinking the other day that sex would be nice. Not really sex so much but that part where you are together and your skin is warm and touching and you have that comfort. I'm not sure what you call that but I would like it and I havent thought of it for a long time. Little things.
My family and friends have been trying to "hook me up", I love them dearly for the thought but it isnt time yet and I make no secret of my emotions. I know they mean well but sometimes its irritating to me, I think because it touches on a fear that I cant quite shake. What if the thing that is broken inside me never heals?
I had interest before my divorce was complete and I didnt understand it on several levels. I made it more than two decades honorably and now I'm going to cheat? And why would anyone even want me? I was completely heartbroken. I couldnt recognize a joke when it was told let alone laugh at it. My daughter would just look at me and start crying. I was very clear that I was in no way open to anything in that regard but there it was.
When love died something inside me died too, I dont know what it was but I know its missing. I'm getting better bit by bit. Humor touches me now. I no longer wake up and wish I hadnt. I was thinking the other day that sex would be nice. Not really sex so much but that part where you are together and your skin is warm and touching and you have that comfort. I'm not sure what you call that but I would like it and I havent thought of it for a long time. Little things.
My family and friends have been trying to "hook me up", I love them dearly for the thought but it isnt time yet and I make no secret of my emotions. I know they mean well but sometimes its irritating to me, I think because it touches on a fear that I cant quite shake. What if the thing that is broken inside me never heals?
Oh, way too soon. When my hubby died, I was pissed at him for a year because he died. I was confused about my emotions and knew I shouldn't be mad at him. I found out that you go through emotions and anger is one of them. It's taken me a long time to get over him and his death. He died young and he could have done so much more with his life. He was my first serious bf so he was a big part of my adult life. I also want through emotions of what could have been if he was a different person. I went through a lot of goofy emotions.
But as time goes on, you'll go through anger, hurt, etc. but then you'll get to the other side were there is still love for that person but in a different perspective. You can look at them in a different light and have no feelings for them anymore. That's when you know you can move on and try to date.
As far as myself, I have 2 kids and when he died it was hard on my son. Very hard. He was a teenager and needed his father's love and guidance. Anyway, my kids were/are my world so I put off dating. I can always find excuses that I'm too busy to date.
When the time is right, you'll know it. Just become friends with women and take it from there.
I think I probably blocked some of my feelings after my husband died and "played soldier" so I could feel strong and go on....Now everything has started to "cave in" and I go on "roller coaster rides" at times and have "waves" of emotions....Finally I'm letting myself cry a lot more. It's sure rough to lose loved ones especially a longtime spouse! My son died a few years ago when he was only 37 so it's been a "rough road" lately...I "played soldier" to "be strong" for my remaining son. But in the end I had to start "feeling" and grieving the loss of my husband and best friend for nearly 29 years. (We would have been married 25 years in May.)
I think I probably blocked some of my feelings after my husband died and "played soldier" so I could feel strong and go on....Now everything has started to "cave in" and I go on "roller coaster rides" at times and have "waves" of emotions....Finally I'm letting myself cry a lot more. It's sure rough to lose loved ones especially a longtime spouse! My son died a few years ago when he was only 37 so it's been a "rough road" lately...I "played soldier" to "be strong" for my remaining son. But in the end I had to start "feeling" and grieving the loss of my husband and best friend for nearly 29 years. (We would have been married 25 years in May.)
Losing a son at 37 yrs old, man, that's gotta be rough.
I think I probably blocked some of my feelings after my husband died and "played soldier" so I could feel strong and go on....Now everything has started to "cave in" and I go on "roller coaster rides" at times and have "waves" of emotions....Finally I'm letting myself cry a lot more. It's sure rough to lose loved ones especially a longtime spouse! My son died a few years ago when he was only 37 so it's been a "rough road" lately...I "played soldier" to "be strong" for my remaining son. But in the end I had to start "feeling" and grieving the loss of my husband and best friend for nearly 29 years. (We would have been married 25 years in May.)
I agree, CA, in that you pushed your emotions deep inside yourself to carry on in life especially with your son. Sometimes we do that as parents because we don't want our children to be hurt or we want to appear strong for them.
Now that both your long-time spouse and your son have died, it might be good for you to go to grief therapy or join a grief group to get pass your emotions and come out on the other side. It will make you feel so much better and you'll be able to cope better with their deaths.
It never goes away that they died but it does help to put it in perspective on how you feel and you'll be able to enjoy life again.
It's never good to stuff our feelings and try to forget them. Soon or later and usually when it's inappropriate our feelings come out.
I agree, CA, in that you pushed your emotions deep inside yourself to carry on in life especially with your son. Sometimes we do that as parents because we don't want our children to be hurt or we want to appear strong for them.
Now that both your long-time spouse and your son have died, it might be good for you to go to grief therapy or join a grief group to get pass your emotions and come out on the other side. It will make you feel so much better and you'll be able to cope better with their deaths.
It never goes away that they died but it does help to put it in perspective on how you feel and you'll be able to enjoy life again.
It's never good to stuff our feelings and try to forget them. Soon or later and usually when it's inappropriate our feelings come out.
I'm sorry that it was so hard for you after your husband died. Would you believe that I used to teach classes about "feelings" years ago? I guess I haven't always been following my own advice until now! But better late than not at all. Right?!! Thanks for caring. Sorry that you went through so many rough years. Congratulations for doing so well and coming out on the "other side!"
I'm sorry that it was so hard for you after your husband died. Would you believe that I used to teach classes about "feelings" years ago? I guess I haven't always been following my own advice until now! But better late than not at all. Right?!! Thanks for caring. Sorry that you went through so many rough years. Congratulations for doing so well and coming out on the "other side!"
It's funny that we can teach but don't practice what we're teaching. Sometimes, I think, our survival skills kick in and take over and pushes our emotions aside just to get through the situation. That's apparently what happened to you, CA.
You know, life is full of surprises - some good, some not at all. But we have to do the best we can and get through it. It took me many years to get through it and it will take you time too.
Just be good to yourself right now.
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