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Realize this female might not care that much for you as a guy; She may have been "trained" to recruit potential (collection plate contributing) members.
I met a gal last week. We've talked on the phone a few times. We haven't been on a date yet........she's already asking me to attend church.
I told her I don't like church. She said......."that's going to be a problem"......and she goes on to say.."I am god fearing....yada,yada,yada, I sing in the choir, blah,blah, blah....etc."
I thought to myself..."I don't even know her last name yet and she's already inviting me to church"......she's right, that is going to be a problem...not mine, but hers.
I NEVER accept invites from anyone to go to church. NEVER. Not that I would not attend but I'd rather select my own church and attend by myself.
Ok........how soon is to soon to be inviting someone to church?
...and how often does this come into play in YOUR relationships?
Who cares? She sounds like a little bit of a nut job. Avoid those.
The only time I would even suggest a guy go to church with me is if we were at my moms for a holiday dinner and church was to follow aka Christmas midnight mass etc. I would also forewarn if not comfortable going he could stay behind at home . It's not that big of a deal, I go to church on Sundays when I visit my mom and major holidays, so asking a guy to go on a regular basis wouldn't really be happening. I've dated guys of many faiths, but they were non practicing and only went to church with family also on major holidays.
I agree!! Not only is actively practicing her religion a big part of her life, but by hoping that you were also a god-fearing christian and a church-goer, she was hoping that you were husband material. She's not looking for a casual relationship, she wants a serious one with marriage as its goal.
Also, by you attending church with her, it was her way of letting the other women at her church know that you're her man. Sort of a declaration of territory.
You are lucky to find out right away that she isn't compatible with you.
On the surface, an invitation to church seem earnest and harmless and good. Generally, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a church invite, even if it's early on in the relationship.
But as you suggested, I think there might ulterior motives in that invite.
Ultimately, I'd like to choose a church that neither me nor my partner frequently attends and make it our church home.
This is what I would do if I were a church-goer, and I'd mention the denomination to avoid the potential awkwardness of "come to my church" and then finding out it's a completely different denomination.
The op should have invited her to the demon gates of hell, to party! That would have gotten rid of her ... or maybe not.
On the surface, an invitation to church seem earnest and harmless and good. Generally, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a church invite, even if it's early on in the relationship.
But as you suggested, I think there might ulterior motives in that invite.
Ultimately, I'd like to choose a church that neither me nor my partner frequently attends and make it our church home.
She might possibly have been thinking sex AFTER church? It's happened before on a nice sunday afternoon.
she's right, that is going to be a problem...not mine, but hers.
It's not a matter of it being her problem or your problem. The fact that you view it as being one or the other is a bit concerning. In reality it's just a problem of compatibility between the two of you. I would move on to someone with whom I was more compatible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron.
I NEVER accept invites from anyone to go to church. NEVER.
Exactly. So...find someone who has a similar outlook regarding this. It's not rocket science.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron.
Ok........how soon is to soon to be inviting someone to church?
No time is too soon. If two people are into that, it wouldn't be a big deal at all. It's not a matter of timing; it's a matter of interpersonal compatibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron.
...and how often does this come into play in YOUR relationships?
It doesn't, but that's because I don't date religious people.
I think churchgoers who want to date and court are better off finding partners at their own churches or neighboring churches. Churches are great at building community and generating social capital. They are highly social places, so I wouldn't be surprised if people choose to use a church for secular reasons: marriage, funeral, baby naming ceremony (baptism, sort of), friendships, relationships, courtships, appearing pious, arguing with your next-door neighbor, teaching morals and values to youngsters in a social environment that wouldn't be taught in a public school or private home, and so much more.
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