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I thought to myself..."I don't even know her last name yet and she's already inviting me to church"......she's right, that is going to be a problem...not mine, but hers.
One week and you don't know her last name yet?? Me thinks you are the one with problems, not her.
I met a gal last week. We've talked on the phone a few times. We haven't been on a date yet........she's already asking me to attend church.
I told her I don't like church. She said......."that's going to be a problem"......and she goes on to say.."I am god fearing....yada,yada,yada, I sing in the choir, blah,blah, blah....etc."
I thought to myself..."I don't even know her last name yet and she's already inviting me to church"......she's right, that is going to be a problem...not mine, but hers.
I NEVER accept invites from anyone to go to church. NEVER. Not that I would not attend but I'd rather select my own church and attend by myself.
Ok........how soon is to soon to be inviting someone to church?
...and how often does this come into play in YOUR relationships?
I noticed it's largely a cultural thing. When I was living in the Bible Belt, people would ask me about my religious beliefs and invite me to church within our first conversation. In D.C. I've never had that happen ever. I've never had someone invite me to church until I knew them for at least a few months. IMO I wouldn't date someone where church was a requirement either, but at least her being so upfront about it saved you a lot of energy. Think about it, you would have been pursuing something that would have turned out to be a dead-end anyway, but now you can use that energy on pursing someone else more interesting.
Most men Ive dated arent the same religion as me..I would never tell any man to attend the Kingdom Hall with me...I dont practice my religion, or attend services, I do believe in it tho..I dont go to church unless its a wedding or a funeral, I do once in a while go to the Kigdom Hall.
She is crazy acting like you have to attend church with her..She didnt even bother to see if you believe the same beliefs as her?
You dont need no religious lunatic ...dump her..
That probably wouldn't go over well with the folks at the KH either because from what I understand, Jehovah's Witnesses are not supposed to date without the intention of getting married and are also not supposed to date "worldly" (non-JW) men. Unless maybe you're talking about a different Kingdom Hall.
The thing to understand is that for people living and breathing their faith it's too large a part of who they are to be surpressed and ignored.
It's as important as telling the prospective date that you are blind, HIV positive, or even just a smoker.
It's much better to get that all out in the open right up front, so nobody wastes their time if these are issues that aren't something the date can live with.
Involving your kids or other family members in meeting your dates is not at all the same thing.
I would never tell people I am blind if I was looking to date them. That would turn them away before I even had a chance to show them that yes I can cook, eat, breathe, talk, and think for myself!
Blind is totally different from religious IMO. Blindness happens to people. People make religion happen.
To the OP, just be glad she asked you in advance so you see where she stands. Nothing wrong with that..if you are offended then don't call her back. Just say you don't think it's going to work out.
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
My faith is an important part of my life (although a quiet, personal, and decidedly non-evangelical part). My boyfriend of four years does not place this same importance on this in his own life, to put it mildly...he was not a churchgoer for many years when we met. Church has been something special to me all my life. However, neither of us has ever been turned off by the other due to this difference. I haven't found that it's necessary to be on the same page in this way with somebody I'm in a relationship with, because it's such a personal thing. I wouldn't expect us to be alike.
I never told him he needed to go to church. I never thought he needed to go to church. I never worried that we wouldn't get along or be compatible because church, spirituality, faith, etc. were not a big part of his life. I simply always just trusted in the fact that we DO get along, and we ARE compatible, despite this difference in backgrounds and priorities.
I attend services fairly regularly. When we were first together, he asked if I wanted him to come. I told him that he would always be welcome to come with me if he chose to, but that it was totally his choice. He attends regularly, now, with me, and finds it interesting. But I never pushed for it...it's totally his choice. I believe in being friendly and welcoming to people who are interested in sharing in this way, but it's something that's personal.
You sound like me and my boyfriend. We are of 2 different faiths although he does not practice nor really believes his. He knew I was Christian in the beginning. However he will attend services with me. Not by force but he knows he is always welcomed to attend. We dated three months before he went to church with me and in the 10 months that we've dated, I think he's been a total of 5 to 6 times which honestly shocks me but it's all good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFix
Sorry, but being religious (defined by me as anyone who attends a religious service on a routine basis) is a dealbreaker for me. Most women who are frequent churchgoers are either dullards, uneducated, mentally unstable or a combination thereof.
Funny post...just because a person has a faith, they are religious or spiritual does not imply they are uneducated or mentally unstable. I wonder how you could come up with such conclusions??? LOL...hilarious considering I regularly attend services and last time I checked, no one was rushing to put me in a mental ward!
You sound like me and my boyfriend. We are of 2 different faiths although he does not practice nor really believes his. He knew I was Christian in the beginning. However he will attend services with me. Not by force but he knows he is always welcomed to attend. We dated three months before he went to church with me and in the 10 months that we've dated, I think he's been a total of 5 to 6 times which honestly shocks me but it's all good.
One thing that's been cool with my BF is that the church I attend got a new pastor in the last year...a cool guy in his midtwenties who is fresh out of Lutheran seminary. He and his wife have gotten to be good friends of ours, and I think it's been good for my boyfriend to see a pastor who's an average dude who he can go grab a beer and watch the game with, who doesn't judge us for being unmarried and living together, who is very live and let live...it's given him a different perspective on people of faith than he attained in 13 years of forced parochial education, which is what turned him off church to begin with.
Quote:
Funny post...just because a person has a faith, they are religious or spiritual does not imply they are uneducated or mentally unstable. I wonder how you could come up with such conclusions??? LOL...hilarious considering I regularly attend services and last time I checked, no one was rushing to put me in a mental ward!
I know, right? I guess I need to turn in my degrees and stop professing to work in education, because clearly I have neither the mental capacity nor the emotional stability to be in such a position, as a lifelong Lutheran.
People are funny...and by funny, I mean kinda ill-informed and sheltered from reality, and quick to judge the very people they condemn as judgmental.
One thing that's been cool with my BF is that the church I attend got a new pastor in the last year...a cool guy in his midtwenties who is fresh out of Lutheran seminary. He and his wife have gotten to be good friends of ours, and I think it's been good for my boyfriend to see a pastor who's an average dude who he can go grab a beer and watch the game with, who doesn't judge us for being unmarried and living together, who is very live and let live...it's given him a different perspective on people of faith than he attained in 13 years of forced parochial education, which is what turned him off church to begin with.
I know, right? I guess I need to turn in my degrees and stop professing to work in education, because clearly I have neither the mental capacity nor the emotional stability to be in such a position, as a lifelong Lutheran.
People are funny...and by funny, I mean kinda ill-informed and sheltered from reality, and quick to judge the very people they condemn as judgmental.
LOL, I better quit pretending to be an engineer and turn in my degree too since I am apparently mentally unstable, a dullard and let me not forget...uneducated!!!!
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