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I had this debate with my girlfriend last night and I just wanted to hear some opinions.
When my gf and I first moved in together, I was working two jobs to support us and she was going to school in the mornings. We both don't have close friends where we live and when she went out it kinda irritated me. I guess my thoughts were that I have to bust my behind with two jobs and she is haning out instead of working on her portfolio to get a job herself.
She's now got a job that has her working weekends and things, which I don't work. She doesn't want me going out and I'm fine with that because I know how it made me feel when she did it.
Unless it's a close friend, I personally don't feel comfortable going out without her and since we don't have close friends here, we've been doing everything together. In addition, if I do go out for whatever reason, I always make sure to be home right before she would get home from work. That's just how I am. I know how it sucks to have a bad day and expect to come home to your partner and they are not there.
I mean if she goes to the mall or gym with someone, I don't have issues with that, but going to the movies, beach or bar, things that we do together, I feel isn't right. Now when her best friend was here and they did that's fine, I understand, but just acquaintances, I don't know.
Do any of you feel this way?
PS: We do respect each other a lot and have come to a compromise on this issue and it has nothing to do with insecurities because I trust her completely, I just feel this way out of respect.
The majority of healthy couples have other interests and don't spend all their time with their spouses/SOs. If you trust each other, where's the problem if either of you goes out once in a while? Why should the one who's not working be forced through guilt to sit at home knitting? Why on earth can't either one of you go to the movies, the beach or even a bar without the other one? That's not at all healthy. Lighten up!
I don't know, I just feel that there is something wrong with one person stuck at work and the other lounging on the beach. No body wants to be at work.
Oh, come on now! Nothing wrong with her going somewhere while you're working and ditto for you going somewhere if she's working. You're obviously content to stay home while she's working and her "compromise" is simply an accedence to your wishes, hardly a compromise. But if it works for you, that's fine and in that case there really was no reason to create a thread about it.
When I was younger, I used to feel like you did when my girlfriend wanted to go out. I would want to know where she was, who she was with, and when she was coming home.
However, I've learned that the healthiest relationship is one where each person has their own individual lives.
I'm not going to be with her all the time, and I'm not going to be able to physically restrain her from doing anything.
I'm not all passive and pushover with whatever she does tho - she knows my boundaries and expectations - of course, I would not be cool with her going to dinner and a movie with a guy she met at a bar the week before...
Therefore, it's her job to make her own decisions and live her own life. If it conflicts with my expectations, then we will address it, but so far we both respect each other's boundaries.
Why is it weird? Maybe I just have a different view because of how my parents are. I don't believe in the separate lives part. We are financially interdependent and I don't understand couples that have my money and your money. I support most of the household at the moment, and I have no issues with that, but maybe that's why I feel the I do. I guess I just want us to settle already and a lot of that depends on her getting a job in her field with decent pay, which is what we're striving for. I'm doing all I can, I just feel it's like a slap in the face to be haning out while I'm working and while she should be looking for a job.
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