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After being in a relationship for many years and now engaged to my wonderful fiancee, I still have trouble with saying "MY" versus "OURS". Anybody else have the same problem?
I still frequently refer to things as "mine" and well to be honest, they are "mine". I know marriage is going to be a big step and I'm fully committed to my fiancee but I've always had trouble with saying things are "ours" especially when I'm paying for just about everything. I bought the house, all the vehicles (including HER Caddy), all the furnishings, and I am the primary breadwinner for the household.
I'm not trying to be controlling, I've just been single for so many years that I've gotten into the habit of referring to everything as "mine". This irks her a bit and I'm working on it but has anyone had the same problem? I hate to think I'm alone in this situation.
She has recently suggested that once we get married, we buy a home together as a shared partnership. The thing is, besides the fact I love the current house we live in, I would still end up being the person to pay the mortgage on a different house. This doesn't make sense to me especially considering that the home I own isn't at all a 'bachelor pad'.
Opinions? Anyone been in the same boat? Primary breadwinners, do you pay or split the bills with a spouse?
If your name is on the mortgage, title, etc., until the ring is on her finger it is YOURS. Just being a fiancee does garner you special consideration. Either you are married or you are not - it's like being a little bit pregnant.
If you want to add her name to the mortgage/deed after you are married, it is a pretty painless process. In most states, once you are married it is 1/2 hers anyway. An attorney can take care of the paperwork for a couple of hundred dollars or so. There is no need to buy another house just so she can be a co-owner.
Fair enough -- although, I believe OP already mentioned that even *if* he and his fiance were to get a home together, he would still be responsible for paying the mortgage. And in that scenario, if he were to ever risk facing divorce (as another poster cited), he would be at risk for losing it, even having faithfully paid the mortgage on his own, for x number of years. I can think of no major financial incentive to OP to sell his own property and buy with his fiance -- if anything, he becomes more vulnerable to certain circumstances such as the loss of a major financial asset previously owned solely by him, in a divorce.
I can't help but wonder, if the shoe was on the other foot (i.e., fiance / wife owning the house, pre-marriage), if there would be as many objections to OP's position. Here in D.C. at least, I know plenty of adult gals who are purchasing their homes *pre-marriage* as well, as a pre-marital asset. But in many of these cases, it is more likely to be looked on favorably, as something for example such as "female independence", an inherent strength, etc.
Then why get married? It's supposed to be a partnership. The OP obviously doesn't mind his fiance being spoiled, looking nice and having nice things and doesn't expect her to pay bills. That is his choice to accept and doesn't change the meaning of marriage. His choosing to pay for everything doesn't make it less a partnership. If a person is so worried about who owns what, what percentage is paid by who, etc., don't get married.
If your name is on the mortgage, title, etc., until the ring is on her finger it is YOURS. Just being a fiancee does garner you special consideration. Either you are married or you are not - it's like being a little bit pregnant.
If you want to add her name to the mortgage/deed after you are married, it is a pretty painless process. In most states, once you are married it is 1/2 hers anyway. An attorney can take care of the paperwork for a couple of hundred dollars or so. There is no need to buy another house just so she can be a co-owner.
20yrsinBranson
With respect intended to the poster above -- I do not believe the bolded portion above is entirely correct. I think that the converse is true...namely, that being a pre-marital asset, unless OP specifically *chooses* to add her name to the title/deed, she has no claim on the property whatsoever, in a legal sense.
Then why get married? It's supposed to be a partnership. The OP obviously doesn't mind his fiance being spoiled, looking nice and having nice things and doesn't expect her to pay bills. That is his choice to accept and doesn't change the meaning of marriage. His choosing to pay for everything doesn't make it less a partnership. If a person is so worried about who owns what, what percentage is paid by who, etc., don't get married.
My objection stems from the fact that although yes a partnership, his wife is not contributing equally or in an equitably comparable manner financially, than he is. If he is going to have to pay the full monthly mortgage costs regardless of whether he stays as he is, or buys jointly with his fiance, doesn't it seem just a little unfair that she would also have a 50% claim to the property, while contributing virtually 0%, to it?
With respect intended to the poster above -- I do not believe the bolded portion above is entirely correct. I think that the converse is true...namely, that being a pre-marital asset, unless OP specifically *chooses* to add her name to thte title/deed, she has no claim on the property whatsoever, in a legal sense.
You're right. If her name is added to the deed, she'd be entitled only to half of the increase of the value of the house/reduction of the mortgage from now on. However, if he sells the existing house and uses the proceeds to buy another one, the waters might and likely will get murky even if he has proof of the origin of the money in case of a divorce. Not everybody is a sweet idiot like me leaving the down payment to whom it rightfully belonged even though it was run through a joint account already.
My objection stems from the fact that although yes a partnership, his wife is not contributing equally or in an equitably comparable manner financially, than he is. If he is going to have to pay the full monthly mortgage costs regardless of whether he stays as he is, or buys jointly with his fiance, doesn't it seem just a little unfair that she would also have a 50% claim to the property, while contributing virtually 0%, to it?
Trying hard not to laugh, as you know I think you are such a sweet person
But honestly honey, you'll never be successfully and happily married with these attitudes.
In a TRUE marriage, a convenantal one with 100% committment by both parties, everything you "own" is just stuff.
And you'd gladly walk away from it all and be penniless rather than hurt your partner by drawing lines in the sand.
My objection stems from the fact that although yes a partnership, his wife is not contributing equally or in an equitably comparable manner financially, than he is. If he is going to have to pay the full monthly mortgage costs regardless of whether he stays as he is, or buys jointly with his fiance, doesn't it seem just a little unfair that she would also have a 50% claim to the property, while contributing virtually 0%, to it?
I'm curious now. You've stated many times how much you prefer traditional-minded women and how much you want children. You seem to be the kind of guy who would want his wife staying home, taking care of the kids and therefore not contributing monetarily. If I am correct, how do you reconcile that desire with what you've said here? Are you hoping to move a wife into your house and continue to refer to everything as yours? And if, God forbid, you split up--she gets nothing?
Marriage is NOT a 50-50 thing - you are either all in or you are subconsciously looking for a way out.
While I agree with this, I also think keeping your eyes open and your as@ covered somewhat is not that bad of an idea. I don’t advocate unfairness, but nobody wants to lose everything they’ve worked all their lives for.
This particular situation is more than disturbing from a financial standpoint.
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