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I'm sure per parents are proud their little princess has landed a hard working guy to pay the bills, provide for her retirement, be the financially responsible one, all the while she gets to buy overpriced material objects to show the world she's made it!
If that's what you want out of a marriage, have at it.
I think this is what is bugging you and rightfully so. Unless you can get her on-board with budgeting and finances, I say your relationship is doomed. Both of you are very, very different when it comes to money. She wants instant gratification while you'll patiently save money to get what you want. Very, very big differences in handing of money.
I would also be worried with someone like that as she needs instant gratification that she is also not looking out for tomorrow. Tomorrow will come fast enough that hopefully you will have a nest egg to continue living comfortably.
I would not marry someone like that at all since it differs with how I handle and spend money. I am like you in that I save until I have the money to buy what I want. I also buy expensive things but never at full price. I hunt for bargains. I could NEVER marry or be with someone that throw money away. It would drive me crazy.
Yes....LOL ^^^^^^this^^^^^^ It would stress me out to no end.
I think part of it is that she's quite frivolous with her money while I'm much more structured. I set aside X dollars to pay bills XYZ and put X dollars away to put into savings, and use X dollars to spend on whatever I need/want.
When she buys a new outfit/purse/what have you, she wants immediate gratification and purchases it whereas I usually put money away for bigger items that I want. When I bought my truck, I saved up for 3 years and then bought it free and clear without a loan, she would go purchase it immediately and pay interest. We differ there.
Finances is one of the top three reasons for marital discord and divorce. Marrying someone who is not on the same page as you are, financially, is going to result in a lot of years of unhappiness for you - and possibly financial ruin.
I suggest that you keep as much money/assets as possible sequestered away after the marriage to protect yourself from this "spendy" honey of yours. Otherwise, she just might blow through your cash and then kick you to the curb when you can no longer "support her in the manner to which she is accustomed". Believe me, there is more than one marriage that has ended this way.
Use your big head, my friend and think about the future. This does not sound much like a "happily ever after" scenario to me.
It may be that because he comes from a wealthy family who helps him out and gives Caddys for gifts, her perception is that she can have this kind of easy lifestyle and should not have to spend her money on boring things like bills.
Thank you, my friend. I will readily and freely concede that the opinions from posters such yourself, lovesMountains, and JustJulia also move me greatly, as well.
Show me a potential wife, who means truly her wedding vows, who will be there in committed love, for better or for worse, and who will be 100% faithful and loving, till death do us part -- and I will gladly add her to the title/deed. Without reservation.
But how does one necessarily know that though, going into a marriage? (Not trying to facetious here; just wondering as a genuine question.)
Knight, you can never "know" with 100% assurity because there are things like mental illness and other issues that can come in to play and change your spouse, or what you thought you knew about your them.
But there are things you can do to increase the odds of being married successfully to a person who will be true to you for life.
Things like finding a woman with a strong spiritual side and a relationship with God, a woman without a family history of mental illness, a woman who has had time to grow into herself and not some little girl in a woman's body, a woman who has lived in the real world and was able to navigate it on her own, a woman without "daddy issues" or family drama, a woman with character, a woman of compassion with an interest in serving others.
In other words, you must seek out women of real substance
But there are things you can do to increase the odds of being married successfully to a person who will be true to you for life.
Things like finding a woman with a strong spiritual side and a relationship with God, a woman without a family history of mental illness, a woman who has had time to grow into herself and not some little girl in a woman's body, a woman who has lived in the real world and was able to navigate it on her own, a woman without "daddy issues" or family drama, a woman with character, a woman of compassion with an interest in serving others.
Thanks for your valauable input, lovesMountains -- your thoughts and feedback are always appreciated, dear friend
My fiancee does work but makes about 1/4 of what I make per year so I end up paying all the bills. She isn't exactly high maintenance but does enjoy living a fairly comfortable lifestyle- enjoying her manicures/pedicures, shopping trips with her friends, fairly expensive name-brand items (Coach, Gucci, etc). I don't ever bother her about it because it's HER money and I guess I feel she can spend it as she sees fit but I guess it does get under my skin a BIT when she tells me she just purchased a $800 purse (which is roughly what she earns in a week) and yet doesn't help pay anything.
I feel if you are married to someone, everything you accumulate during the marriage belongs to the both of you, even if one spouse never works, and no matter how much more or less one makes over the other. All the money goes into one pot. Regardless of how you work it, you might want to start practicing the "ours" deal. It is a union, a partnership.
I do feel that you should buy a new home together. I know that's easier said than done, but that's how I would prefer it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I will never move in with a man without my name being on the paperwork. I'd highly recommend that to any man or woman.
There's not enough info here for me to assume she is a user, so I won't go there. But, you should tell her how you feel about her not contributing. The way I see it, it is no longer just her money. If you feel $800 for a purse is excessive, then she should cut back.
If you split the bills, and did it fairly, you would each contribute the same percentage of your paychecks. She doesn't make nearly as much as you, so what she did provide wouldn't be much. Better to work with her entire check and put it all into one pot so the both of you feel she is making a difference.
I am almost in the same situation as your girlfriend, minus the pampering and selfish spending. I am getting married this year and my fiance makes way more than me.
I think the most important thing for you to understand is that if you wish to continue to live the lifestyle you currently live, you can't expect her to pay her own way with a smaller paycheck. If you want her to pay her fair share, then you should be willing to move into a one bedroom apt and drive a used Kia.
Having said that, I also think you have set her up to believe that she can expect you to take care of her. If you never put the brakes on before marriage, you can't suddenly change your direction because marriage is now in the picture. I imagine her spending habits have always bothered you, but you are only now having issues with it because it threatens your assets.
You have to be willing to share everything with her before you marry her. If you're not, you might want to rethink the whole thing.
After being in a relationship for many years and now engaged to my wonderful fiancee, I still have trouble with saying "MY" versus "OURS". Anybody else have the same problem?
I still frequently refer to things as "mine" and well to be honest, they are "mine". I know marriage is going to be a big step and I'm fully committed to my fiancee but I've always had trouble with saying things are "ours" especially when I'm paying for just about everything. I bought the house, all the vehicles (including HER Caddy), all the furnishings, and I am the primary breadwinner for the household.
I'm not trying to be controlling, I've just been single for so many years that I've gotten into the habit of referring to everything as "mine". This irks her a bit and I'm working on it but has anyone had the same problem? I hate to think I'm alone in this situation.
She has recently suggested that once we get married, we buy a home together as a shared partnership. The thing is, besides the fact I love the current house we live in, I would still end up being the person to pay the mortgage on a different house. This doesn't make sense to me especially considering that the home I own isn't at all a 'bachelor pad'.
Opinions? Anyone been in the same boat? Primary breadwinners, do you pay or split the bills with a spouse?
I think this would be a very common problem with people who are older when they marry and they already own a home and everything in it.
It's easier when people marry young and build their lives and assets together. Especially in the past it was more the norm for people to marry much younger when neither had much and then they went from there.
Traditional marriages in the past commonly had the man as the breadwinner but there were tradeoffs because the wife would be the homemaker.
I think you need to discuss it with her, if having her help pay helps both of you see her as a co-owner, it might be the right thing to do for both your sakes, but if you've decided on the old-time relationship with a division of duties - breadwinner and homemaker, that's up to the two of you alsol.
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