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My objection stems from the fact that although yes a partnership, his wife is not contributing equally or in an equitably comparable manner financially, than he is. If he is going to have to pay the full monthly mortgage costs regardless of whether he stays as he is, or buys jointly with his fiance, doesn't it seem just a little unfair that she would also have a 50% claim to the property, while contributing virtually 0%, to it?
You're right. If her name is added to the deed, she'd be entitled only to half of the increase of the value of the house/reduction of the mortgage from now on. However, if he sells the existing house and uses the proceeds to buy another one, the waters might and likely will get murky even if he has proof of the origin of the money in case of a divorce. Not everybody is a sweet idiot like me leaving the down payment to whom it rightfully belonged even though it was run through a joint account already.
Perhaps it depends on the state. But if a name is added to a deed, normally that person is entitled to half the value of that property. If it is done outside of marriage, gift taxes must be filed for the amount "gifted", one half of the value of the real estate.
Trying hard not to laugh, as you know I think you are such a sweet person
But honestly honey, you'll never be successfully and happily married with these attitudes.
In a TRUE marriage, a convenantal one with 100% committment by both parties, everything you "own" is just stuff.
And you'd gladly walk away from it all and be penniless rather than hurt your partner by drawing lines in the sand.
Fascinating...
I don't have any issues with what you mentioned in theory...and in a perfect marriage where one knew s/he would never get divorced or have one person with the potential to abuse the situation, I would fully agree, 100%. In fact, I would like more than anything, to be able to fully embrace your position.
But...what happens, if the fiance hypothetically were to get married to OP, be added to the title/deed, but then start being unfaithful, in their marriage? What about the risk of abuse of that position of trust, from either a husband or a wife? <confused>
Assuming I were to get married in the future, and I had a pre-existing residential property that I owned, I would actually *like*, very much, to be able to add a potential spouse to the tile or deed. Believe me, I honestly would (not being sarcastic here)...because I love them, and would want to give them my unconditional love and trust. But how does one also reasonably protect themselves, from taking a huge, immense financial loss, and proverbially being "taken to the cleaners" by the other party, if the marriage were to end up not being successful?
Even though my husband and I have been married for about 100 years (as one poster put it..LOL), we STILL use "MY", when referring to certain things. When we're together, and speaking with others, it's OUR house, OUR cars, OUR yard, but we DO say "MY" when alone. We both do it, it's not a big deal. It's just something you're going to have to work on though.
Even IF a husband has been the main breadwinner AND had the house before they got married, think about it....if you want her to treat it like it's HERS...respect it, take care of it, feel responsible for it, your woman needs to feel as it it's HER house, too. Again, it's one thing to refer to the house as "your" house, when you're not around her, it's an entirely different matter to say it's "your" house, when she's around. As another poster said, too....if she has to have your approval when decorating or painting YOUR house, constantly....you can be sure she's going to feel like an unwelcome guest there. Practice, practice, practice...or stay single. LOL
We know that. That's the only reason you ARE getting married!
Sorry. Just to clear confusion, my paycheck's already that high. Si, stop stalking me, don't make me talk to keeper again.
Your idea of marriage is skewed based on your personal bitter experiences of husbands who ran away from you after importing you. That's not my problem and you're not allowed to pee on me. You once said you don't talk to Antlered nowadays, and let's keep it right there.
Fair enough -- although, I believe OP already mentioned that even *if* he and his fiance were to get a home together, he would still be responsible for paying the mortgage. And in that scenario, if he were to ever risk facing divorce (as another poster cited), he would be at risk for losing it, even having faithfully paid the mortgage on his own, for x number of years. I can think of no major financial incentive to OP to sell his own property and buy with his fiance -- if anything, he becomes more vulnerable to certain circumstances such as the loss of a major financial asset previously owned solely by him, in a divorce.
I can't help but wonder, if the shoe was on the other foot (i.e., fiance / wife owning the house, pre-marriage), if there would be as many objections to OP's position. Here in D.C. at least, I know plenty of adult gals who are purchasing their homes *pre-marriage* as well, as a pre-marital asset. But in many of these cases, it is more likely to be looked on favorably, as something for example such as "female independence", an inherent strength, etc.
Given your circumstances, it is absolutely, 100% understandable why you feel this way. Being as familiar with your nightmare situation as I am...I most definitely understand the point you are trying to make here. You pay for everything and yet nothing is yours, and that's a horrible thing.
I don't have any issues with what you mentioned in theory...and in a perfect marriage where one knew s/he would never get divorced or have one person with the potential to abuse the situation, I would fully agree, 100%. In fact, I would like more than anything, to be able to fully embrace your position.
But...what happens, if the fiance hypothetically were to get married to OP, be added to the title/deed, but then start being unfaithful, in their marriage? What about the risk of abuse of that position of trust, from either a husband or a wife? <confused>
Assuming I were to get married in the future, and I had a pre-existing residential property that I owned, I would actually *like*, very much, to be able to add a potential spouse to the tile or deed. Believe me, I honestly would (not being sarcastic here)...because I love them, and would want to give them my unconditional love and trust. But how does one also reasonably protect themselves, from taking a huge, immense financial loss, and proverbially being "taken to the cleaners" by the other party, if the marriage were to end up not being successful?
Part of the problem is that so many people are apparently trying to "hedge their bets" You just can't enter a marriage with that kind of attitude.
Look at it this way...when you die, you can't take a thing with you - NOTHING.
All your "stuff" goes to someone else anyway.
So get used to the idea that stuff is never permanent.
Love, however, is eternal. Find true love, concentrate on THAT and quit putting so much emphasis on your "stuff".
I think it's easier to say "ours" when you both work toward obtaining the assets together, like a lot of people do when they're married at younger ages. In some cases, when a person wants to take advantage of a financially stable party, saying "ours" may give the wrong idea.
It's not "ours." Not even legally. If the other party worked for it and obtained it without the wife or husband's support or financial contribution, it belongs to the person who bought it. She didn't pay for the house, she didn't clean it or do the upkeep for years. She's moving into the house the OP bought and cared for for years. In essence she's getting a free place to live and should probably be a little less grasping.
If he and his new wife decide to buy a new home together, then IMO the new home would be an "ours." Personally, it sounds like the woman is taking advantage...but I'm probably just jealous! OP can you buy me a car? I would like a convertible...
You guys aren't married yet, but I guess it's tough if you don't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe you can just be polite, and call it the house.
I don't want to alarm you, but I would also consult with a lawyer for an hour or two (maybe 300 or so bucks) to see what the property laws are in your state in case you get divorced. I would not recommend marrying anyone with no money if you're loaded, but at least you can get some advice in case the worst happens.
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You just can't enter a marriage with that kind of attitude.
OP can you buy me a car? I would like a convertible...
