Marrying a virgin... ???? (marry, female, husband, young)

[Iphigenia]

I am a virgin saving myself until marriage and I am currently in a long-term relationship that may result in marriage so I think I have some idea of what you might be going through...

Have you and your girlfriend discussed why she made this decision? Maybe it would help if you understood why she made that choice. Prepare yourself, though - this sort of conversation may be difficult. It is important that you listen to her and not challenge her if she says something you don't agree with or understand. Chances are this is a very important matter to her and she is less likely to communicate with you if she senses that you are closed off.

In today's society, we are taught to be desensitized to sex and we can forget how personal it really is. Sex is used everywhere in advertising and social media and it is rarely shown in a positive light. Kids and teens today are being forced by these idealized images to mature sexually before they mature emotionally. As far as youngsters are concerned, they often have not had a chance to understand what a powerful thing sex can be.

I do not know why your girlfriend has chosen to be abstinent, but when people make that big of a decision, it is usually for a very important reason. Very few people in today's society are saving sex until marriage; it is incredibly unusual nowadays for young people to hold the act of sexual intercourse in high regard. Maybe this is what seems odd to you; perhaps you and your girlfriend have different views on what sex is.

Regardless of how "odd" her abstinence may seem to you, you should have a conversation about the issue. You should also take some time to sit down by yourself and think about why this is bothering you so much.

Best of luck to you.

[Ulysses61]

You're going to be celibate for as long as it takes to wait around to see if she wants to marry you? You say two years when you are basically in your sexual prime right now in your early 20's? I know that means little to you since you know nothing different, but wait till you're 50 and looking back on all those years waiting to have sex with her. What if she changes her mind? What if you change your mind? Then what?

You have more patience than I would have, and I'm female.

[andreaspercheron]

I might get a lot of flack for this comment but here goes... For me, I wouldn't marry a virgin. I want someone who's lived a little, been in a couple of relationships, had sex with a couple of different partners, got some of that pi$$ and vinegar out of their system. I'm not one who wants to teach someone brand new all the ropes... If your woman is a virgin, consider yourself lucky, if your bi, you need to speak up and let her know.

[Dewdroplet76]

The only one that can tell you if this is going to work out for you is you. Sex before marriage is a personal decision. Personally, I would not marry someone I had not had sex with. I need to feel truly comfortable with someone when I am in a relationship - and I have never felt that way before I have slept with them. Before I sleep with someone - there is always that tension, that great unknown hanging between us. When I married my husband - I had no doubts that we were right for each other because we knew each other inside and out. I have never felt as comfortable with somene as I felt with him.
Now, some people I know have saved themselves because of religious reasons. Some saved themselves because they wanted there to be something special about having sex for the first time on their wedding night. Some people feel like marriage should be a big step - and that there should be something unique involved that wasn't involved before. I'm not saying that these aren't legitimate reasons to wait - it just wasn't for me. My husband and I already felt like we were married - nothing changed after the wedding except for a little sheet of paper saying it was legal. This is how we wanted it. I think we knew we were ready for marriage because we were already there.
Like I said - it's all personal preference.

[Dewdroplet76]

Where did he say he was bi? Did I miss that!

[Tropical Trouble]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

Where did he say he was bi? Did I miss that!

//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...l#post19354982

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble

//www.city-data.com/forum/relat...l#post19354982

Oh wow... Why is this guy getting engaged if he's in love with someone else??? I mean - yes, he should tell her that he's bi - it's important. But more importantly, why think of getting married to someone if you are in love with a different person???

[MrRational]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

I might get a lot of flack for this comment but here goes... For me, I wouldn't marry a virgin. I want someone who's lived a little...

You know the story about the poor mountain boy?

Came home one day all excited and yelled out to his family "I'm gettin' hitched!"
And he continues telling all about the lucky girl, and how well she cooks and how pretty she is and all that, when he adds:
"Not only that, but she's a virgin too!"

At this point his father starts shaking his head and tells him there's just no way tht he can let his son marry this girl.

"Why not, Daddy?"
"If she ain't good enough for her own family... then she ain't good enough for you"

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

If it bothers you this much, then break it off. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't appreciate saving a valuable gift (yes, gift) just for them either. I happen to appreciate it when a man saves himself for marriage. So go ahead. Make comments about how waiting for marriage is for losers. I don't care.

[Ceece]

I don't know, if you are talking about marriage "in a couple of years" I don't know why you are talking about it at all. I'd keep my options open if I were you, a lot can change in a couple of months, nevermind years!