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"There isn't pure alpha or beta, but most men lean one way of the other."
I think when some people think Alpha, their thinking Cocky, bossy, Assertive. Some guys got this going until you find out theyre a Janitor driving a 1988 Corolla. Is that still an Alpha? I guess it could be but I would be looking up to him. Is an Alpha supposed to have depth or just all on the surface?
Sorry but I don't know what your janitor portion has to do with anything. Alpha does not mean cocky, bossy and assertive. The most effective alphas don't necessarily say very much. Silence is often far more effective than excess speech.
Interesting. My parents don't care about status that much. It's mostly about culture that they care the most. My dad could probably, eh, careless if we date outside of our race but my mom cares more. She won't kill us but she expected us to date our own ethnicity anyway. I do understand because a lot has to do with culture barrier like traditions and language, but who says that White/Black/Hispanic/whatever ethnicity you are can't learn? My older sister dated a Hispanic guy. I dated two guys who were Asian and my other sisters have mostly dated Asians as well.
I do agree that media has done a lot to emasculating them, but I will also admit that IME a lot of times I refuse to date Hmong guys only. The only Asian group that I refuse to date or get marry to. I would gladly date any other Asian group. I know this isn't a good excuse for me to eliminate them, but most of my experience with them has left me some kind of bitter/resentment towards them. I don't treat them any lesser than I would to a white or black guy. I'm friends with plenty of them. I just refuse to date them, that's all. I'm not saying I deserve better when I believe that I'm just another Plain Jane Asian yw anyway.
I didn't grow up with these Alpha and Beta stuff either.
Thanks but I do believe that not all Hmong men are bad. It's just that I unconsciously say no and get in a defensive mode when this goes toward a relationship material type of thing. I have met many kind Hmong gentlemen but I unconsciously say no too. :s
When did it ever become a crime to be considered a "beta" male? And when did beta become one of those dreaded four-letter words?
The built-in assumption here is that "alpha" is always better than "beta", without exception. And that the beta male is always universally 100% despised by women. The thing is, a guy may not *want* to be an alpha, and by his own choice. Why should everyone automatically always *want* to be an alpha? I don't particularly admire alphas, just b/c they happen to *be* alphas. Alpha, beta, and so on and so forth, are just a social caste system anyway.
Forget alpha and beta...just be yourself, already
Hey Knight
There is nothing wrong with Beta guys. Many of the ones I've met are much more in tune with their feelings and make for very solid friends.
But I found that Alphas affect me in a much deeper way. Something about them makes me ... weak. I feel sexier and like a woman. When I'm with one, I feel that the woman I become is my natural state and I have no problem with them leading.
Ultimately, it boils down to knowing yourself. You have to be honest about what is attractive to YOU, not what other people or your family dictates. When Beta guys tried to ask me out in the past, it just felt... odd. They didn't make fires burn within me and I just couldn't take it to the next level.
That said, I know some women (both black and white women) who are married to or are dating beta guys. These women are very dominant and their beta SO's complement their personalities perfectly.
I think that at the end of the day, there can't be 2 dominant personalities in the home. There can't be 2 male energies in the home otherwise, there'd be conflict. Someone has to take the back seat and another person has to be the leader. Again, this is just my opinion, and keep in mind I grew up in Africa, where there are clear roles for men and women. It may not apply to everyone here.
There is nothing wrong with Beta guys. Many of the ones I've met are much more in tune with their feelings and make for very solid friends.
But I found that Alphas affect me in a much deeper way. Something about them makes me ... weak. I feel sexier and like a woman. When I'm with one, I feel that the woman I become is my natural state and I have no problem with them leading.
Intriguing -- thx for your comments! I hadn't quite thought of it that way, before, from a woman's perspective...
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Ultimately, it boils down to knowing yourself. You have to be honest about what is attractive to YOU, not what other people or your family dictates.
Very true...
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When Beta guys tried to ask me out in the past, it just felt... odd. They didn't make fires burn within me and I just couldn't take it to the next level.
That said, I know some women (both black and white women) who are married to or are dating beta guys. These women are very dominant and their beta SO's complement their personalities perfectly.
(Bolded part above) Again very fascinating; thanks for your insights. I am wondering though, have you also encountered black and white women, dating beta men, where both the female and the male couple were also both betas? Just curious...
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I think that at the end of the day, there can't be 2 dominant personalities in the home. There can't be 2 male energies in the home otherwise, there'd be conflict. Someone has to take the back seat and another person has to be the leader. Again, this is just my opinion, and keep in mind I grew up in Africa, where there are clear roles for men and women. It may not apply to everyone here.
Ah -- but, what if neither personality of the couple (either black/white, black/black, or white/white) is "dominant", in the "alpha" sense, anyway? Or, where both partners share power 50-50, split right down the middle?
Very interesting...again thanks for your comments...
I don't know where you get your hairbrained ideas from, besides from some sort of prejudice that is built into you.
Black women are attracted to white men, just as much as white women are. you seem to have some idea that all black women are in this set you percieve, well, guess what.. you are wrong.
I agree,and I made a similar point, but varies slightly. While they may not find them as often as attractive as white women do--I think they find white men as attractive as black men do white women. The key difference tends to be the reciprocation of that of attraction.
I mentioned this in a previous statement; you will find that many black women find white males attractive, be they the "every day types" or celebrities-- but many of them are hesitant to let white men know that for fear that they may not feel the same about them. Many believe that white males are extra judgmental with their looks through their own prejudices defined by eurocentric beauty standards.
I agree,and I made a similar point, but varies slightly. While they may not find them as often as attractive as white women do--I think they find white men as attractive as black men do white women. The key difference tends to be the reciprocation of that of attraction.
I mentioned this in a previous statement; you will find that many black women find white males attractive, be they the "every day types" or celebrities-- but many of them are hesitant to let white men know that for fear that they may not feel the same about them. Many believe that white males are extra judgmental with their looks through their own prejudices defined by eurocentric beauty standards.
I will agree with you for the most part. But I do think that most everyone will see the attractiveness in others regardless of the race of the person. Now this don't mean that they would have any desire to ever be in a relationship with them.
I will use for example, I can see a black man that many would consider attractive, as just that, but I would have no desire to date him.
Now I can also see and agree with what you say about the fear from the white men. I used to deal with that also. but it goes much deeper then just the fear of rejection from the white men. You also have the fact that as a black woman some white men will want to be with you just because you are black, it is almost like an experiment or a conquest. If I am looking for a relationship, I don't want it to be based on these.
Also black women when dating white men, have to deal with a lot of ignorance and comments. I couldnt count how many times I have heard something along the lines of "You are a disgrace to black women, by continuing to be a slave to the white man" and things like this, mainly from black men. Oh yeah, and I also get black men always assuming I am with a white man just because I have been hurt by black men.
You know, I'm thinking about those patronizing posts commenting on how this thread should end or trying to dismiss the importance of this topic because it deals with race, and now I am very glad that it continued in the face of these comments as it has completely delved deeply into my thoughts. I realize that I am also attracted to Alpha males; there is something about the potential conflict in pursuit that is highly invigorating for me.
Great dialogue!
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