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Change is sooooo hard when Im stuck with my old negative ways and doing things I say Im not gonna do, I wanna be a better person but I just can bring myself to it? Has anyone else struggled with change how did you overcome it?
you are like me, i am like her, she is like him....we are all so very much alike....in that we are all caught in the illusion.
i think anyone with an ounce of self-awareness has felt this way. the fact that you have the capacity to view yourself objectively and truly be honest with yourself about your shortcomings is wonderful! please understand that the pain you feel is normal, and if you can shift your viewpoint just a little, you will see that it's actually a gift....the pain you feel is not for the purpose of punishing you, or dragging you down, it's there to make you more aware. it is a very necessary and vital component of your personal journey and evolution.
have you ever heard the adage "what you resist, persists"?
overused and sounds like pretentious pomp maybe, but all it really means is that wherever you place you attention, your consciousness has to follow.....and thus unless you take charge of where you put your attention, you will continue to create the same things, you will continue to fall back in to old habits.
we all have tendencies that control us. but we've each been given free will. most people understand free will as the capacity to choose what they want in their lives in terms of material things, events, people, circumstances. these are the same people that find themselves at the mercy of a never-ending cycle of hope, anticipation, determination...followed by self-sabotage, failure and resignation.
the way out of whatever dilemma you are in, is through careful and consistent observation of where your attention is directed. and choosing to remove your attention from what you don't want in your life (your flaws, habits, tendencies, depression, anger, attachment etc etc) and placing your attention on the positive attitudes and viewpoints that will set you free.
i don't mean to make it sound easy, it takes a lifetime for most who practice this kind of daily effort. but those who are successful in truly changing for the better, know and understand that real freedom from one's own self-imposed hardship and limitations is found in the daily commitment to this process, the consistent practice of the placement of your attention. don't allow yourself to wallow in all those 'things' you dislike about yourself....those 'things' are not *you*! that is the illusion!
i hope i've given you a nugget or two to contemplate. be well, and know that your struggles hold much value, and will bring you a bountiful harvest much sooner than you might think!
Yes, I have dealt with this. I decided that i would take 365 days off from dating/relationships. I did. During this time, I lost weight, I execercised, I traveled, slept, read, worked, developed new hobbies and really got to know myself, my inner thoughts, what I liked what I was looking for in a partner.
It was wonderful. I kept, busy, got to know my neighbors, involved more with my sons and my parents.
Do something for you. Make up your mind and do it. Only YOU can change you. Do it for yourself. I am free of my "old" self, all the baggage is gone.
I'm in a relationship now, that I know will be the forever one. Goodluck!!
You didn't say what the problem is but I'm going to take a guess. If I'm wrong, maybe someone else will benefit.
Stop dating now. Take a total break and work on yourself. Don't go on a date and say that this time will be different b/c it won't. Get involved in some other activities instead and while you may meet some nice guys that way, don't get involved in any other way than friendship and only with all your other friends around. Do volunteer stuff, get a hobby, active or otherwise. Make new friends. Whatever it takes to keep your mind off the destructive patterns. And, good luck hun, but remember too that you make your own luck and also remember that some roads are just too easy to travel but they're not the most scenic ones.
The problem is my habits (lying to loved ones to the point where they dont believe ANYTHING I say anymore, and want nothing to do with me), I cant stop! lying is something I started doing ever since I was little so I wouldn't get beatings and know I just lie compulsively, why I am I so afraid of the truth? I need help,I feel like such a bad person.
Can't change the past. Just stop lying today. Its really that simple. Next time you want to lie just pause and count to 3 and then blurt out the truth. Lies to skip beating is totally understandable. Do you think the people in your life are going to beat you though for telling the truth? If so you need new company or/and new personal habits.
The problem is my habits (lying to loved ones to the point where they dont believe ANYTHING I say anymore, and want nothing to do with me), I cant stop! lying is something I started doing ever since I was little so I wouldn't get beatings and know I just lie compulsively, why I am I so afraid of the truth? I need help,I feel like such a bad person.
Very interesting. What are you lying about? Everything? I've got a friend whose father was physically abusive. When we were kids, I saw his father punch him in the face more than once. When there was a problem, his father would come and ask me what really happened. I was an honest kid, but smart enough to shade the story on my friend's behalf. I'll tell you, in case it hasn't occurred to you yet, but on the receiving end lies are real ballbreakers. It's hard enough to figure out what the hell's goin on when we have all the facts.
Change is sooooo hard when Im stuck with my old negative ways and doing things I say Im not gonna do, I wanna be a better person but I just can bring myself to it? Has anyone else struggled with change how did you overcome it?
I can't help you. I'm the same way and I haven't overcome it yet. I'm too proud to accept that I need to change.
The problem is my habits (lying to loved ones to the point where they dont believe ANYTHING I say anymore, and want nothing to do with me), I cant stop! lying is something I started doing ever since I was little so I wouldn't get beatings and know I just lie compulsively, why I am I so afraid of the truth? I need help,I feel like such a bad person.
The advise I always get when I ask this kind of question on this forum is that I need to go see a therapist. I tried that about 7-10 years ago, and it didn't work because I didn't really cooperate. But I think I'm going to try going to a therapist again, because I am struggling with some pretty bad depression this year.
The problem is my habits (lying to loved ones to the point where they dont believe ANYTHING I say anymore, and want nothing to do with me), I cant stop! lying is something I started doing ever since I was little so I wouldn't get beatings and know I just lie compulsively, why I am I so afraid of the truth? I need help,I feel like such a bad person.
Ok, I'll take another shot, I hear the pain in your voice. How 'bout the idea that if you learned to lie as a kid to avoid beatings then it's not your fault. Much of what we learned as kids we should discard as adults. But once you do recognize it, if you do nothing about it, then it does become your fault. The first step could be the way you handle yourself on this thread. I notice that you have cherry-picked the posts that you've chosen to respond to. You started the thread for a reason, right? We all have fears. And one fear that is common to all of us is fear of repercussions. But like anything else, the more you practice being forthcoming the more you will see that there was nothing to be afraid of after all. It's like walking alone into a pitch black room; turn the lights on!
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