Brave new world of dating and social life (boyfriend, girlfriend, how to)
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So I was married for a long time and we had just moved back to this city after being gone a long time and then a year later he left me. That was 2-1/2 years ago and I'm in the process of getting a social life. My favorite thing is dancing and I meet a lot of men there, but either I'm not ready to date again or I'm just not attracted to any of them. Still, I'd like to be friends with some of them as we have a lot in common. the other night I asked one of them to go to another dance event with drinks afterward. It wasn't meant to be a date invite and he had something else to do, but I wondered if he took it that way. I wasn't sure how to phrase it so we'd be clear on expectations, so messaged him on FB later and clarified and he messaged back nicely and said he'd love to be friends. I'm not sure though how I would have handled it if he had gone and thought it was a date.
Another man at dancing often seems like he's trying to ask me out and I like him but not for dating so have not encouraged him. Then I go to another event and he's there with a girlfriend and he's def not the player type, so either I've totally lost my sense of when a man is trying to ask me out, or there is something else going on that I just don't understand. I know there are some open marriages there, but I'm pretty sure it's not the rule with this group and I have no intention of being involved in any of those triangles.
How do I navigate this new reality? I'm in early 50's if that helps and have always been a bit awkward socially, though not pathologically so. It just seems like things have changed quite a lot in the years I was married.
There's no easy way for a woman to ask men out and not get mixed signals. It's just the natural difference between how men & women think.
The only advice I would give is to pick your men carefully and avoid compromising situations if you are going to ask them out. When you do come across situations that are misunderstandings, just be straight up.
Hi stepka! My advice is simple: Know where your boundaries are and stay true to yourself. Back away from any person or situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
As far as the guy who always "seems" like he's trying to ask you out... he hasn't actually asked you out, right? So he doesn't count. Forget about him!
Just have fun meeting new people and enjoy yourself. Don't take any man too seriously until after he proves to you that he deserves to be taken seriously. Don't be too quick to give your heart away and have most of all, have fun!
Sister I am in the process of writing a book on dating (j/k)
I myself hate dating and the scene that goes along with it...
I was married for ten years and before this I was in a long term relationship with my HS sweetheart so this gives you an idea..
I have been divorced going on 7 years and since that time I had one serious relationship that lasted 2.5 years...I was single for 3 years and almost a year and a half ago I finally decided to start dating...
Bottom line?
1. Do not go faster than you are comfortable with. Take your time getting to know someone and take it day by day.
2. Know what you are looking for ( As far as qualities, morals and beliefs)
this will help you determine whether or not you even want to see someone.
3. Have clear boundaries, things you will not tolerate..
4. As far as how you know if a ,guy likes you? It is simple he will make his intentions known..( Most times)
There is really no need to state that you just want to be friends..your body language and the way you speak will let him know..and if anything be honest and he will ask, believe me..
There should never be any expectations when going on a date or to a simple meal shared amoung friends...It is what it is.. a meal with good company...do not make it nerve wracking for yourself...
And know going into it that there is a possibility that you may not click with him or him with you...and guess what? There is nothing wrong with you or him...different strokes for different folks..
Hi stepka! My advice is simple: Know where your boundaries are and stay true to yourself. Back away from any person or situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
As far as the guy who always "seems" like he's trying to ask you out... he hasn't actually asked you out, right? So he doesn't count. Forget about him!
Just have fun meeting new people and enjoy yourself. Don't take any man too seriously until after he proves to you that he deserves to be taken seriously. Don't be too quick to give your heart away and have most of all, have fun!
Yes, that's the strange thing about the man who seems like he's trying to ask me out. He was waiting for me after the dance the other night and caught up with me and stumbled around and it looked like there was something he really wanted to say and he couldn't spit it out due to shyness. I changed the subject and chattered on about something b/c I didn't want to have to turn him down. Then a couple of days later I see him and his "girlfriend" at another dance, holding hands and gazing deeply into each other's eyes and acting like they're in love. Funny, he just doesn't strike me as the swinger or player type, so it's all very confusing, even if I didn't want to date him.
Anyway, yes, I've followed your advice and have def stayed away from those who make me feel uncomfortable and maybe jumped the gun into dating too soon at first but have backed away from that. Now the dancing fills the hole I was trying to fill with a boyfriend--I have lots of them, lol. I've gotten myself into some pretty funny situations like a 90 yo trying to pick me up--he assured me that he has lots of money and I had to laugh at the idea of me starting a mistress career at 52.
I would not make any assumptions. As soon as the intentions of the other person is clear, then I make my intentions known. If a man misunderstood your behavior, let your intentions be known and if it pisses him off, stay away. In the meantime, have fun!
I would not make any assumptions. As soon as the intentions of the other person is clear, then I make my intentions known. If a man misunderstood your behavior, let your intentions be known and if it pisses him off, stay away. In the meantime, have fun!
Yes, I guess what I was wondering was this though: suppose you ask a man out just for friends, w/o actually spelling that out, and he thinks you're asking him out and he's not interested so he says no. But all you wanted was to be friends and you're pretty sure he would be interested in that. How do you phrase it? Someone said your body language should tell, but many men are bad at that, and I suspect my new friend is too.
If I were to ask a man out as a platonic friend, it would only be to a group event with several other people invited as well. I personally wouldn't ask a man out on a one-on-one date unless the platonic friendship was already established as such.
When a woman asks a man out on a date, he thinks "She wants me. She really, really, wants me!"
I guess I would just say something along the lines of:
I'm not dating, and at this point in my life I'm not even interested in romance, but I enjoy your company, and would love to be friends with you. Would you be interested in grabbing the show downtown after this?
I would stay away from being friends with any guy who seems to have an interest in you, and from letting the guy pay.
I guess I would just say something along the lines of:
I'm not dating, and at this point in my life I'm not even interested in romance, but I enjoy your company, and would love to be friends with you. Would you be interested in grabbing the show downtown after this?
I would stay away from being friends with any guy who seems to have an interest in you, and from letting the guy pay.
I like that and I'm going dancing tonight. And tomorrow.
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