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I want to get a simple discussion going on how to go about meeting someone. If possible I would like to try to direct it toward a certain crowed. Essentially I want to ask, “How do we meet someone when we have found ourselves completely alone?”
Maybe you have loved before or are still waiting for your first kiss. You go out to coffee shops, bars, and local hot spots with the hopes of starting a spark with anyone, always with no success. You have dabbled in online dating, even met people in person, only to put yourself in awkward or disappointing situations. You leave yourself open in your social sphere, but that is as lacking as anything else. So what do you do?
I have not given up hope but I’ve learned that I cannot rely on hope alone. If it is anything like relying on fate, as though everyone had someone meant for them, then you may end up alone forever. I realize I may need to change my habits and expectations. If someone only prays to God to find love and puts forth no positive action, then it just seems foolish to me.
At times I feel as though fate has it against me. I should appreciate what I had because it will not be back. It seems as though one must learn how to become a seducer to meet women now days. But really, our history has shown that it is not easy. I tell myself, ‘if I met someone again that I really cared about I would not f__k it up. I would make her feel good, give her what she deserves, and appreciate what we have.’ Then I snap out of it and realize just how childishly romantic this is, that that may not be true love at all, and I may have no idea what I am really after. But then again, when you inquire about love that’s often what we find no matter how old we are: childish romance.
I will continue to go out into the world looking for someone to love. But I also think I may venture to the paid dating sites, away from plentyoffish. I’m young, fairly attractive, have a pretty ok job. What do I do?
I want to get a simple discussion going on how to go about meeting someone. If possible I would like to try to direct it toward a certain crowed. Essentially I want to ask, “How do we meet someone when we have found ourselves completely alone?”
Maybe you have loved before or are still waiting for your first kiss. You go out to coffee shops, bars, and local hot spots with the hopes of starting a spark with anyone, always with no success. You have dabbled in online dating, even met people in person, only to put yourself in awkward or disappointing situations. You leave yourself open in your social sphere, but that is as lacking as anything else. So what do you do?
I have not given up hope but I’ve learned that I cannot rely on hope alone. If it is anything like relying on fate, as though everyone had someone meant for them, then you may end up alone forever. I realize I may need to change my habits and expectations. If someone only prays to God to find love and puts forth no positive action, then it just seems foolish to me.
At times I feel as though fate has it against me. I should appreciate what I had because it will not be back. It seems as though one must learn how to become a seducer to meet women now days. But really, our history has shown that it is not easy. I tell myself, ‘if I met someone again that I really cared about I would not f__k it up. I would make her feel good, give her what she deserves, and appreciate what we have.’ Then I snap out of it and realize just how childishly romantic this is, that that may not be true love at all, and I may have no idea what I am really after. But then again, when you inquire about love that’s often what we find no matter how old we are: childish romance.
I will continue to go out into the world looking for someone to love. But I also think I may venture to the paid dating sites, away from plentyoffish. I’m young, fairly attractive, have a pretty ok job. What do I do?
Focusing on lack only creates more lack. So I think, it would be to your advantage to dwell on what kind of relationship you want and focus on feeling good about it. And then eventually that person/relationship will show up in your experience.
There are some people that my heart really breaks for; those that are so unattractive that they come across virtually NO one that is attracted to them. If you say you are fairly attractive, that leaves you out. You do seem to sweat it a little too much, though. Are you VERY socially awkward? If so, I'm not without sympathy, but your approach may be a little too cerebral. Could be you are scaring them away. Girls, like guys, like most of us, at least at first.. just wanna have fun. You don't sound very fun to me. Sorry, and I could be dead wrong, but this is the first impression I get reading your OP.
My advice, might be simplistic, might not work for you, but always worked for me.. when I was out and about, could be anywhere, and I saw a girl that I liked, I would not be shy about allowing my gaze to give me away.. if she looked at me like Travis Bickle, you know, "Are you looking at me?" Then I just let it alone. But if she returned my interest, maybe even raised the ante, then I would just go up and talk to her, that's all; not as a potential sex object, but as I would have anyone who struck up my interest, be it an old lady or a guy at the local watering hole. If there's anything there, just ask her out.. but not formally, but just according to mutual interests you've discussed already.. you like the theatre? Me too., you know there's that new play at the.. Or, "oh, you like Italian food, have you been to that new one on 9th street? Neither have I but I've been meaning to... why don't we.."
Hope I helped, even a little. Didn't mean to make light, just a little levity for understanding.. loneliness, I know very well, is no laughing matter..
I want to get a simple discussion going on how to go about meeting someone. If possible I would like to try to direct it toward a certain crowed. Essentially I want to ask, “How do we meet someone when we have found ourselves completely alone?”
Maybe you have loved before or are still waiting for your first kiss. You go out to coffee shops, bars, and local hot spots with the hopes of starting a spark with anyone, always with no success. You have dabbled in online dating, even met people in person, only to put yourself in awkward or disappointing situations. You leave yourself open in your social sphere, but that is as lacking as anything else. So what do you do?
I have not given up hope but I’ve learned that I cannot rely on hope alone. If it is anything like relying on fate, as though everyone had someone meant for them, then you may end up alone forever. I realize I may need to change my habits and expectations. If someone only prays to God to find love and puts forth no positive action, then it just seems foolish to me.
At times I feel as though fate has it against me. I should appreciate what I had because it will not be back. It seems as though one must learn how to become a seducer to meet women now days. But really, our history has shown that it is not easy. I tell myself, ‘if I met someone again that I really cared about I would not f__k it up. I would make her feel good, give her what she deserves, and appreciate what we have.’ Then I snap out of it and realize just how childishly romantic this is, that that may not be true love at all, and I may have no idea what I am really after. But then again, when you inquire about love that’s often what we find no matter how old we are: childish romance.
I will continue to go out into the world looking for someone to love. But I also think I may venture to the paid dating sites, away from plentyoffish. I’m young, fairly attractive, have a pretty ok job. What do I do?
Two things...
continue to put yourself out there meeting people at the coffee shops, library, work, by joining a club or group etc.
AND, get involved in your community.
When you start thinking more about other people, especially those less fortunate than you are, you have less time and energy to be so concerned about what you don't have.
Become a mentor thru the Big Brother/Big Sister program, help build a Habitat for Humanity House, become a lunch buddy for a kid who's parents can never eat lunch with them at school, volunteer at a charity event, become a hospital volunteer, train for a marathon to raise money for some cause, show up at your local humane society and walk the dogs, clean out cages or to give baths - the opportunities are ENDLESS.
Not only will you feel better about your own life, but you'll be meeting new people all the time - maybe even someone you want to date
Focusing on lack only creates more lack. So I think, it would be to your advantage to dwell on what kind of relationship you want and focus on feeling good about it. And then eventually that person/relationship will show up in your experience.
I apologize for being blunt, but I think your wrong, sydney. I think what your recommending here falls under the idea of just hoping and waiting. I assure you, I do not dwell on the negative, but I felt that the "lack" I briefly mentioned was worth mentioning.
I apologize for being blunt, but I think your wrong, sydney. I think what your recommending here falls under the idea of just hoping and waiting. I assure you, I do not dwell on the negative, but I felt that the "lack" I briefly mentioned was worth mentioning.
it's ok if you think i'm wrong but i think i'm right haha
There are some people that my heart really breaks for; those that are so unattractive that they come across virtually NO one that is attracted to them. If you say you are fairly attractive, that leaves you out. You do seem to sweat it a little too much, though. Are you VERY socially awkward? If so, I'm not without sympathy, but your approach may be a little too cerebral. Could be you are scaring them away. Girls, like guys, like most of us, at least at first.. just wanna have fun. You don't sound very fun to me. Sorry, and I could be dead wrong, but this is the first impression I get reading your OP.
My advice, might be simplistic, might not work for you, but always worked for me.. when I was out and about, could be anywhere, and I saw a girl that I liked, I would not be shy about allowing my gaze to give me away.. if she looked at me like Travis Bickle, you know, "Are you looking at me?" Then I just let it alone. But if she returned my interest, maybe even raised the ante, then I would just go up and talk to her, that's all; not as a potential sex object, but as I would have anyone who struck up my interest, be it an old lady or a guy at the local watering hole. If there's anything there, just ask her out.. but not formally, but just according to mutual interests you've discussed already.. you like the theatre? Me too., you know there's that new play at the.. Or, "oh, you like Italian food, have you been to that new one on 9th street? Neither have I but I've been meaning to... why don't we.."
Hope I helped, even a little. Didn't mean to make light, just a little levity for understanding.. loneliness, I know very well, is no laughing matter..
Good luck and take care..
I think men who end up with someone took this advice. I know plenty of guys who play the odds game and eventually strike gold.
Are you VERY socially awkward?.... Could be you are scaring them away.... You don't sound very fun to me. Sorry, and I could be dead wrong, but this is the first impression I get reading your OP.
My advice, might be simplistic.... [i]f she returned my interest, maybe even raised the ante, then I would just go up and talk to her, that's all; not as a potential sex object, but as I would have anyone who struck up my interest... If there's anything there, just ask her out..
I am not socially awkward at all. I am a manager of a local business and am able to conduct myself very well socially. My problem is that I am generally unsocial. I rarely go out with people and have very few people that I regularly hang out with. Surely, this doesn't help.
Thus, just about anyone I meet is a stranger. It probably would help if I approached more girls that shot me a flirtatious glance, but to what degree? Approaching women is one thing, but actually having a successful conversation is another. The scenario you put forth is very generalized and too simple to imagine. I think the actual act of approaching a stranger in public is much more difficult than what you described.
continue to put yourself out there meeting people at the coffee shops, library, work, by joining a club or group etc.
AND, get involved in your community.
When you start thinking more about other people, especially those less fortunate than you are, you have less time and energy to be so concerned about what you don't have.
Not only will you feel better about your own life, but you'll be meeting new people all the time - maybe even someone you want to date
I think this is pretty good advice. I have volunteered at the humane society with this in mind and became incredibly active with my job trying to strike up a social life.
In many ways the answer to my woes may just be time. but nevertheless I find myself in an extremely difficult situation.
I am not socially awkward at all. I am a manager of a local business and am able to conduct myself very well socially. My problem is that I am generally unsocial. I rarely go out with people and have very few people that I regularly hang out with. Surely, this doesn't help.
Thus, just about anyone I meet is a stranger. It probably would help if I approached more girls that shot me a flirtatious glance, but to what degree? Approaching women is one thing, but actually having a successful conversation is another. The scenario you put forth is very generalized and too simple to imagine. I think the actual act of approaching a stranger in public is much more difficult than what you described.
And this is what you have to change!
I know it might be outside your comfort zone, but you really have to force yourself to be more sociable. Host a wine tasting for some mutual aquaintances, join a book club where everyone gets to talk and give their impressions of the material, etc.
You basically have to take the bull by the horns and MAKE something happen. Remember, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet!
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