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Almost everyone has experienced the early stages where someone you recently met or started dating is contacting you a lot. They almost always are available to get back to you.
Then you see this change. Maybe they aren't completely blowing you off. But they are now busy. The stuff that didn't get in the way of texting you 10 times a day or sending you a few email, is now getting in the way. Well, of course, before they were busy, but they were getting back to you while eating lunch, before running out the door, while with a friend, etc. But then it changes. They are less eager.
I suppose this in a natural part of dating. It may take too much energy to keep stuff up, but then it makes you wonder if they are getting tired of you. How do you tell the difference? Do you think that if they used to text "good morning" then don't it means something, even if they haven't dumped you?
People usually neglect what they need to do early on and eventually have to return to their regular routines and rhythm of life. That's natural. However, deliberate cool-offs are common, too.
People usually neglect what they need to do early on and eventually have to return to their regular routines and rhythm of life. That's natural. However, deliberate cool-offs are common, too.
I can go weeks without contacting some friends I have known a long time. I'm not really one to tell people where I am and what I am doing. But I do take note of people's behavior early on, like I notice that they text good morning or let me know how their day is going a couple times a day. It sort of sets up a routine. Then after 20 days of morning texts, there isn't one anymore, I guess it's because they stopped thinking of me?? I don't see what else it could be. Oh well.
It's just weird because if I say anything about it, they won't admit it, but say that they are busy, yet they have the same schedule as before. I guess all I can do is blow that off. It's not like they are going to say they just didn't feel like it.
I used that as a sign of no interest. I used that line frequently when I was around 18-19. If anyone asked why I was single, I just said I was busy or didn't have time.
It's not like they are going to say they just didn't feel like it.
No, they won't. The initial amount of contact is usually excessive, though, but people do it because they're excited regardless of it being too much and too exhausting for them. Once the dust settles a bit, you just can't keep up with it in the same manner and frankly, it's not necessary.
Perhaps women do that, too, but men often use the euphemism "busy" for drifting away. While all-day contact is not feasible or even needed, nobody's as busy as to not be able to make a short call or shoot a short e-mail, or text, or whatever means of communication the couple uses.
Early on, when there's the giddy, flirty, infatuation phase-y stuff going on, people tend to put the new flirtation as the highest priority. It can't, in all likelihood, STAY highest priority (which is not to say that the person or the relationship is not high priority, just that the level of flirtation becomes less so for many), or you'd be neglecting a lot of other stuff at its expense.
Some people will use it as their easy let-down, though. Generally, if people are legitimately busy, and not blowing you off, if they do WANT to spend time around you, but there are scheduling complications, they'll set up alternate times.
If you want to know if somebody's actually busy, but still interested, versus "busy," i.e. "not interested anymore," pay special attention to the willingness with which they suggest or agree to alternate plans.
Scenario #1:
You: "I was thinking about trying that new restaurant Friday. Want to join me?"
Other Person: "Can't, I'm really busy these days."
You: "Oh, cool. Hey, I'm having some people over for the game next weekend, you'd be welcome to come."
Other Person: "Yeah, that won't work...like I said, I'm just really busy."
You: "Oh."
Scenario #2:
You: "I was thinking about trying that new restaurant Friday. Want to join me?"
Other Person: "Aw, man...I've really been wanting to go there, but I'm booked. Could we maybe get lunch there?"
Or,
Other Person: "Wish I could, I'm out of town housesitting next weekend. But I'm free next week, if you wanna raincheck."
I used that as a sign of no interest. I used that line frequently when I was around 18-19. If anyone asked why I was single, I just said I was busy or didn't have time.
I'm glad I'm not 18-19 anymore. Older people are more straight forward.
I would think that this would be upsetting, to go from 10 texts a day, to nearly nothing, and get the excuse as,"I am too busy."
It makes you stop and scratch your head and think.. Hmmm....you weren`t too busy last week. What has changed? A new interest perhaps? Lack of interest? I would be asking if they cared to share with me the slowed contact all of a sudden..
This could mean she's no longer "into you" but, wait and see and don't push.
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I guess all I can do is blow that off. It's not like they are going to say they just didn't feel like it.
Hmmm....you weren`t too busy last week. What has changed? A new interest perhaps? Lack of interest? I would be asking if they cared to share with me the slowed contact all of a sudden..
