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Old 05-28-2010, 07:53 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 5,659,120 times
Reputation: 2106

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So if you've seen my other post, you'll know I've gone on a second date with a girl (been talking now for about 2.5 weeks) and the last date went extremely well, we really clicked, etc.

However, she does something that is tough for me to deal with as I'm an impatient person. Not in the sense that I have an urgency for a relationship, but I know the world we live in where we all have devices and the internet for mass communications. This girl sometimes waits over 24 hours to call me back.

Now that's fine, maybe she's playing games (kind of a turn off), and she also might be too busy as I think she works a lot and has a lot going on which is typical as we approach the summer in this city.

My REAL question is, if she's too busy and has all this stuff going on in her life...why is she on a dating site? If she doesn't have 5 minutes to return a phone call of a guy she likes (or maybe she doesn't like me, but that's a whole nother situation), then what makes her think she has any time to develop a relationship? Now I know you're gonna flame me for "just because she didn't answer or call back right away??" but my expectations aren't THAT crazy. A call back the same day would be nice, not late night the day after. Because naturally, if this girl hadn't pulled this before, I'd already had written her off as not interested. Is that what some people try to do? Make you feel like they're not interested in you? I don't find that an attractive quality to say the least.

Either way, if she really busy or playing games, I don't think I like this very much. It's kind of a huge turn off. I always try to leave myself in a positive light when I'm not around the person I'm dating, but this girl is causing me to feel a little negative about her. Maybe I could use some voice of reason here, but I'd like to think I'm not totally insane either.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:04 AM
 
5,148 posts, read 4,689,616 times
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I know you are going to get mad, but maybe she's an introvert. Also, that is my question. People that use dating sites are always like, "I'm so busy, that's why I use a dating site." So how are you going to nurture a relationship.

I'm a busy d00d. But I'll make time for someone special. But then again I'm not on a dating site.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:10 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 5,659,120 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
I know you are going to get mad, but maybe she's an introvert. Also, that is my question. People that use dating sites are always like, "I'm so busy, that's why I use a dating site." So how are you going to nurture a relationship.

I'm a busy d00d. But I'll make time for someone special. But then again I'm not on a dating site.
This may be one of the few times I ever agree with you, but it will have nothing to do with introvert/extrovert...

I mean I consider myself a busy guy, I have 9-5 job, I work out like 5-7 days a week, I play baseball 2-3 times a week and mostly on weekends, I joined a co-ed volleyball team, I just signed up for guitar lessons....but that doesn't make me so busy that I cannot answer my phone for 1 second, or even be too busy to return a phone call for over 24 hours. Especially if it was MY idea to go out again this weekend....now it's already friday. My weekend is filling up, I may have to tell this girl that I'm too busy now to see her. She didn't call me back soon enough, so she can't expect me to hold my schedule open for her.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:20 AM
 
Location: the good ol' USA where freedom rings
213 posts, read 383,835 times
Reputation: 275
The dating game is a dance and if you really like her, you'll be patient - it will pay off. Be happy that she has returned your phone call - 24 hours is not unreasonable. If I were you and I really liked this girl, I wouldn't be upset, I would call her and ask her for a date - Then be patient about it - good things come to those who wait. Persistence pays my friend.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:52 AM
 
471 posts, read 943,773 times
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The girl I'm dating now, we met on OK Cupid, she's a lawyer. She's crazy busy. I run a call center and, like you, work out and am busy. We don't call much as I'm always monitoring phones and she's in depositions. Still we find time to communicate through email and make time during the week and weekends to go on dates.

Maybe you should talk with this young lady and let her know that you're an uber communicator. That you don't have to know where she is all the time, but maybe a text or something to let you know what's going on.

I say, be cool, be patient and let things happen as they happen. My belief is if you don't feel like things are going well, then get out. However be aware if you might be self sabotaging yourself. I feel you should always say what's on your mind and do what you feel is right.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:57 AM
 
8,519 posts, read 14,192,523 times
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I agree. You have to be patient. People are pretty busy these days. But most of us make time for the things and people that matter to us. I would just wait and see how it goes. If it continues and she still doesn't make enough time, I would bring it up and give her the chance to improve. If she doesn't, then you can decide whether to move on.
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:02 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,858,833 times
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I wouldn't say it's playing games. If you're calling her during the week and she still has her dating profile up, and you call, say, on a Monday afternoon, here is a possible situation:

Monday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed

Monday night, meet some other guy from her dating profile

Tuesday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed

Tuesday night: call back guy who called Monday afternoon

That is more than 24 hours, but the soonest she could.

Ummm, not that I would know about that.

Fact is, she doesn't owe you instant gratification, and two dates do not a relationship make, so don't treat it like one.

And yes, it's Friday. If she hasn't called you about the weekend yet, make plans with other people. I agree that you shouldn't wait around for her for that at this point.
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:14 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 5,659,120 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
I wouldn't say it's playing games. If you're calling her during the week and she still has her dating profile up, and you call, say, on a Monday afternoon, here is a possible situation:

Monday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed

Monday night, meet some other guy from her dating profile

Tuesday: work, crazy busy or no personal calls allowed

Tuesday night: call back guy who called Monday afternoon

That is more than 24 hours, but the soonest she could.

Ummm, not that I would know about that.

Fact is, she doesn't owe you instant gratification, and two dates do not a relationship make, so don't treat it like one.

And yes, it's Friday. If she hasn't called you about the weekend yet, make plans with other people. I agree that you shouldn't wait around for her for that at this point.
I see your point. I will make plans. She works from home, but does travel. She's shot me a text about making plans during business hours before...

I do know it's her bday on Saturday, so that throws me in an odd situation: if she doesn't call me back by saturday, I had planned on calling just to say happy bday, but I don't know if that's considered "calling too much too soon".

But you know what, I'm not going to worry about it, if saturday has rolled around and she hasn't called me back, I'll call just to wish happy bday anyways, but not necessarily ask her out again. I'm just going to do what I feel like and what I think is right. If she doesn't like it or appreciate it then it's better if she walked now than later.
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,684 posts, read 4,485,540 times
Reputation: 7552
Let me spell it out plainly for you:


You're overthinking this, and for no good reason.


You may like her but you've just gone out on your SECOND date, not your eighth -- yet you're stewing over this, clearly.


You say you're not feeling any urgency for a relationship -- yet you're stewing over this after only the second date, clearly.


You admit she's busy -- whatever led you to believe that was probably correct. Yet I judge by your explanation that you're calling her and she's returning the calls -- just not quickly enough for you.



I want you to take a deep breath -- seriously, STOP reading and do it NOW...












... and then I want you to say to yourself the following things:


- There is NO hurry

- Tomorrow will come

- If this works out, great. If it doesn't, ALSO fine.

- I will NOT get clingy.

- I will NOT get clingy.


...now take another deep breath and repeat after me:

- I will NOT get clingy.


Did you catch which of those you're in the most danger of violating? You don't realize it yet but your enthusiasm (and believe me, enthusiasm is NOT bad, but it's all too easily overdone) is in danger of running away with you, PLUS your bad experiences in the past have taught you to not only analyze, but to ANALyze your thoughts and insecurities.
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago's Finest
106 posts, read 243,829 times
Reputation: 90
the reason busy people do online dating is because they hope to find other busy individuals like them that share the same life values. If they Share the same values, they possibly will also share the nuturing habits also. Is not the amount of time that is shared. But the Quality. A couple that stays together all day just "around" each other. Aren't neccessarily closer than a couple that sees each other once a week. I work 8-5, Go to School 5- 7 three days a week, Do side Admin work and raise 2 boys on my own at the moment. For a year I dated an incredible man he worked 7-4, took care of his neice and nephew after school, and then continued his own education 4 nights out of the week, Volunteered at his Church and was still an absolute great man to me. We weren't always on the phone, saw each other once a week or two. But because we vibed and were soo connected each conversation we had was Deep. Whether we just laughed or vented or prayed. We were close. But it was because we shared the same values we nutured our relationship beautifully. That is why busy people post online. To find someone with similar values to have the outcome of a beautiful relationship. It does work.
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