Who should pay for dinner on the first date? (marriage, divorce, living together)
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Originally Posted by orangeapple
I think the man should pay, but that's because of what I am seeking in a relationship (and no, it's not money), and because of the dynamic it establishes. Paying for me indicates a guy is interested in a relationship, not a fling or a friendship or something less serious. It indicates to me that he views me as more important than money, that he does not place it above human relationships. It indicates to me that he acknowledges that gender roles still do exist (whether we like it or not), and that they often put women at a disadvantage financially. It indicates to me he is willing to be the man in the relationship; this is my preference for a certain dynamic because I find other dynamics a raw deal. All of this adds up to an indication of a general attitude: how does he feel about money, relationships, women & how does he view me? Time & again, a guy who respects women, wants a real relationship, & respects me as individual pays, and the ones who do not show themselves to be lacking down the road.
It's a sign of certain qualities, albeit an indirect sign.
I feel sorry for any man that decides to get with you A man can respect women and not cater to her every whim, which from this post is what I gather. Let me flip the script, what are YOU willing to do for him? What can you bring to the table besides having him do all the wining and dining of you?
That's why it is good to be honest and communicate, to avoid awkward situations.
Communication and honesty are good, I agree, but I still don't make my guests talk about their personal finances. That also avoids the awkwardness.
John: Susan, would you like to have dinner with me on Friday?
Susan: Can we make it a week from Friday instead? I don't get paid until the 15th, and I have to spend my last $20 on gas.
That's why it is good to be honest and communicate, to avoid awkward situations.
John should have made it clear where they were going and that they would split the bill giving Susan the opportunity to decline. If I had been Susan I would have had the waiter seperate the bill right there at the table going over every item that I personally ordered, tipped on my meal only, given John half the parking fee and a few bucks for gas. I would not accept a dinner invitation from John again.
If someone asks me "can I take you out for dinner/lunch" I assume they are paying, as I would if I were to ask. If someone asked do you want to get together at so and so or lets try out this restaraunt, I assume dutch and am fully prepared to pay for mine.
No, to me that says that men should pay no matter who asks. That is not my belief.
That’s right but if women are known for NOT asking men out then the whole “whoever asks pays” ends up being “men should pay”. Are you going to tell me that women ask men out as often and common as men? Come on.
The man should ALWAYS pay for the first date. And even the second date. Life is not always fair, be a man and suck it up. That said 3rd dates and beyond can be a little more even, depending upon the relationship.
If a girl asks you out then expects you to pay, you've actually picked up a hooker and aren't on a date.
That’s right but if women are known for NOT asking men out then the whole “whoever asks pays†ends up being “men should payâ€. Are you going to tell me that women ask men out as often and common as men? Come on.
That still does not make the two statements interchangeable.
That still does not make the two statements interchangeable.
Simple question, are women known for asking men out as much as men ask women out?
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Originally Posted by max's mama
In the country I come from, it is customary for a man to pay for the first date, and for the second and third dates as well. In fact, if I offered to go dutch or pay on a date, he would be very insulted and refuse the offer. When I was asked out on dates, I fully expected a man to pay for the date.
That seems to be the most common thing in the west. If a woman ever contributes something to the expenses, it might be after the initial stages, dating becomes a relationship, or if the couple is married. When I am in the USA and I date a western girl, that’s how it goes normally. Don’t see it necessary to take a girl out to a fancy elegant restaurant just to enjoy a chat and hang out. I’ll take her to a place we can enjoy the view, a long conversation, good food, etc. that won’t necessarily require me to spend big amounts of money.
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Originally Posted by lilamx
Yes, I'm traditional, but I never said anything about being ok with staying in the house, doing the dishes, ironing, etc. Why would I even want to study a career if in the end all I was going to do was be in the kitchen and do household chores?
So you are traditional when it comes to a man paying for your dinners, opening your doors, paying for your entertainment, etc. but you are not traditional when it comes to taking care of your man at home, right? Many women say they are traditional when it comes to all the things a man should do for her but not traditional when it comes to things that are expected from a “traditional woman”.
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There's a reason gender roles exist- men and woman are not wired the same biologically nor psychologically- no matter how much society changes or we try to fool ourselves.
When it comes to dating and gender roles, a man is expected to be the one who pays for a woman’s dinner/wine, open her doors, pull her chair, pay for a woman’s entertainment, etc. What is your role as a woman in that scene?
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But hey- there's someone out there for everyone- there are more liberal women out there who also believe in gender equality so why look down upon those who don't and find yourself one of them.
Not sure if women would cheer for the man who comes here to say that it is a woman’s role to cook for him, wash his dishes, iron his shirts, etc. without being called a sexist. Interesting thing is that women won’t see it as something sexist to say that a man should pay for her dinners/wine and entertainment, open her doors, pull her chair, etc.
Yes, there is someone for everyone. There are a very few women out there who do believe in equality and many others who don’t. I don’t look down on women who feel entitled to the things that have been talked about here. Heck, I date western women too when I am in the USA or other western countries.
When I got with seeniorita, I laid the smack down right then and there. She knows who the boss is. When I say jump, she asks how high. (don't cut me seeniorita, I had to do it to you )
Simple question, are women known for asking men out as much as men ask women out?
Simple matter of market value. Men want women more than women want men. In the long run, men are getting the better deal. When that dynamic changes, you will see more women asking men out.
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Not sure if women would cheer for the man who comes here to say that it is a woman’s role to cook for him, wash his dishes, iron his shirts, etc. without being called a sexist. Interesting thing is that women won’t see it as something sexist to say that a man should pay for her dinners/wine and entertainment, open her doors, pull her chair, etc.
But that is exactly what men expect. Maybe when men stop expecting/demanding that women cook, clean, take care of the kids ,do all the domestic put her own career, aspiration, etc. in the back seat to dote on his every need and spend her life sitting on the side lines, second string to his desires women will stop expecting a man to pay for dinners/wine etc. Sure there are exceptions, but come on, how many men don’t just naturally prefer and assume, no expect, a woman to fill that role.
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A man can respect women and not cater to her every whim, which from this post is what I gather. Let me flip the script, what are YOU willing to do for him? What can you bring to the table besides having him do all the wining and dining of you?
That also avoids the awkwardness.
(don't cut me seeniorita, I had to do it to you 
