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Even for the guys that online date tho.....AND for us.....get in voice or video as soon as possible. All the dating sites have almost gone totally to this.....& there are guidelines & warnings all over when you first sign up. Catfishes have excuses why they have to keep texting or writing AND you can tell lots more about a person if you are talking to them..........like JBT says. He's right about that IMO. Voice....video.....the only *SANE* way to do it if you meet somebody online IMO....it helps with the screening right away.
If you say so.
Hard for me to argue when I haven't been on a dating site since late 2015. But back then, I was not willing to communicate in any other platform but the dating site/app itself, until I'd met the guy. If a man cannot write intelligibly in a message, I don't want to meet him, we won't be compatible. So that is a "me" thing.
But I was not afraid to go pretty quickly to the "meet for coffee" stage. I mean, it's in a public place. If the guy showed up and he was horribly unappealing, I'd still have a conversation with him, no harm in that.
I've heard a couple of definitions of "catfishing."
One being when you thought you were meeting with someone attractive, and they showed up and they were unattractive.
The other being actual scams...where someone tries to extort money or gifts from somebody, pretending to be someone/something they are not. Like the super hot "woman" on OKC who told my ex she was stranded in another country and would love to meet him but needs him to wire her money to get back to the States...uh yeah, duh that's a scam. Probably not even a woman.
I'm not sure which thing you are talking about here. But I don't need a video chat because if it's the first thing, oh well, I had coffee with someone I wasn't attracted to. So what? I have conversations with strangers in public all the time (just not now because coronavirus lol!) If it's the second, I can spot that easily without a video, I wouldn't give money or anything to anyone. I don't know what kind of person falls for such a thing!?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
But back then, I was not willing to communicate in any other platform but the dating site/app itself, until I'd met the guy. If a man cannot write intelligibly in a message, I don't want to meet him, we won't be compatible. So that is a "me" thing.
Ita....a well written profile & a photo & knowing he is verifiable is eye catching.
You can voice & verify tho without leaving the site. Nobody just emails or messages anymore....edit: that's not "real" by itself & it's what catfishes do IMO. You don't meet a guy in real life that way.........
Ita....a well written profile & a photo & knowing he is verifiable is eye catching.
You can voice & verify tho without leaving the site. Nobody just emails or messages anymore....edit: that's not "real" by itself & it's what catfishes do IMO. You don't meet a guy in real life that way.........
Yes people just still message on the app. The only poster talking about making videos here is ....you? I believe that’s bc your intended was long distance and couldn’t just meet for drinks on any given night, correct? It’s an obvious choice for long distance connections but I haven’t requested video and neither has anyone I’ve messaged with.
I’m with sonic, a profile and pic should be enough to meet. Her use of the word “voice” wasn’t necessarily literal, but could mean tone and presentation of ideas. No need to turn one meeting into a weeks long part time job. IME anyway.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by RbccL
Yes people just still message on the app. The only poster talking about making videos here is ....you? I believe that’s bc your intended was long distance and couldn’t just meet for drinks on any given night, correct? It’s an obvious choice for long distance connections but I haven’t requested video and neither has anyone I’ve messaged with.
I’m with sonic, a profile and pic should be enough to meet. Her use of the word “voice” wasn’t necessarily literal, but could mean tone and presentation of ideas. No need to turn one meeting into a weeks long part time job. IME anyway.
100% agree. Never did a video chat. Can't ever recall doing a phone call. Set a date/time/location/meet. Simple. If we're going to meet, its almost always done within 7-10 days of first contact. No reason to invest more than that on a first meeting. I'm not interested in a penpal.
100% agree. Never did a video chat. Can't ever recall doing a phone call. Set a date/time/location/meet. Simple. If we're going to meet, its almost always done within 7-10 days of first contact. No reason to invest more than that on a first meeting. I'm not interested in a penpal.
Investment, yes that seems to be an idea that causes a lot of disappointment. People putting so much into the act of finding someone to meet, they feel like they’ve lost their investment when it’s not a great match. Can’t get your deposit back, so just pick someone and meet, learn from the experience, and try to enjoy yourself while you’re at it.
Maybe if people are trying hard to start a new relationship during these unpredictable times they can’t pick a night to meet this week, but I can’t see investing in more tools to just exchange some ideas.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Yes people just still message on the app. The only poster talking about making videos here is ....you?
You don't make a video....laughs....you click on voice or turn on your camera to say hi......or they usually aren't taken seriously IMO. Too many women that pretend to be men or the other way around or scam people in other ways. This isn't just me .....it's guidelines on just about any verifiable app you go on.....they send it to you in email when you sign up. There are people on the sites that won't waste their time if you don't turn on your camera (edit: or if you aren't verified)....it's common sense. It's stuff you also learn from experience....for safety & to not be catfished. I would never meet any man that couldn't voice or show his face & had to keep writing in text......& anyone that would is super naive & careless IMO.
It's Ok tho....you do you. AND I'm engaged now.......so I don't get on sites anymore. 25% of marriages last yr were couples that met online......so there is a reason O.P...........it does work sometimes if you're careful & smart about it IMO.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 04-07-2020 at 12:26 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
Too many women that pretend to be men or the other way around or scam people in other ways .
You watch too much TV. Throw that thing away. It rots minds.
I've done OLD a long time, as many have my friends have... put the catfishing in the category of things that no one has really ever encountered.
And if it did, so what. That's why you meet. You set a meeting, sooner than later, then do it. If they don't show (also something that has never happened) no biggie. Person I'm living with now. Two messages on Bumble, meet for a drink, simple. About 3 days from first message to meeting. Simple.
No opportunity for scamming. Scamming for what? You're meeting for coffee or a drink at a local place. Keep it simple.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
And if anything, online is a better screener than meeting in real life.
Ita.........gives you the opportunity to be smart about who you decide to meet & those that you stop talking to..............or block. It's super obvious after awhile IMO.........
It just gets a little frustrating I guess, to be here for years seeing people complain that they get no interest, while simultaneously fighting any suggestion that they cultivate anything about themselves that would make them INTERESTING.
But that thing whatever it is has to be there from the beginning it’s not something you can acquire.
Wheter it’s a talent or charisma or whatever it’s still
genetics.
A waste of time? Yes but so is lotto - the promise of something for nothing is the irresistible hook
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.....it's guidelines on just about any verifiable app you go on.....they send it to you in email when you sign up. There are people on the sites that won't waste their time if you don't turn on your camera (edit: or if you aren't verified)....it's common sense. It's stuff you also learn from experience....for safety & to not be catfished. I would never meet any man that couldn't voice or show his face & had to keep writing in text......& anyone that would is super naive & careless IMO. 
