Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was on OK Cupid, Tasha, it did not have a feature in the app to "turn on your camera" or do any kind of a video chat.
And I'm a little on the paranoid side about things like that. I am trying to stay on top of security issues with Zoom right now, my work wants to use it, but I am reading that people can steal data from computers using it or something... I put tape over my webcam if I'm not using it, and until this pandemic thing I had not used it in YEARS.
If some guy I was messaging with on OKC insisted to see a video or have me "turn on my camera" I assumed he wanted me to make him some porn for free. No thanks. If he wanted my cell number or to take it to a different app like snapchat or kik or something, I thought, "here we go with the penis pictures. Pass."
I did not mind having a "pen pal" if both of us were tossing witty and interesting banter back and forth for a little bit. But that's what I like in a guy, that's why I keep saying that TO ME how a man writes, really matters. It's just a thing of how my brain works and how I communicate.
Like a couple of the others here, I do not see a danger in meeting someone in a public space for coffee just because I never saw them on video, or heard them speak into a phone, or even if I never saw a photo of their face. I have met at least one person FROM THIS SITE who met those descriptions, I'd never seen her face, had no way to know if she was anything like who/what she said she was. But so what??? We were meeting in a public place for ice cream, to talk. What was she gonna do, roofie my mint chip, right there in front of the shop employees and the other customers? Not freaking likely. I see no need to make people from online prove themselves.
But also as mentioned, it would be different if we had to drive a long way to meet, or if it were an investment of travel or something. All I'm promising with that first meeting is a conversation. And I will have one of those with damn near anybody.
Oh, and yes, as RbccL said, when I used the word, "voice" part of what I was saying wasn't intended to mean literally their speaking-out-loud voice, I meant how you can read the way that some people write and get a feeling for their personality. They write in a way that conveys tone and character and such, effectively. But anyways... Yeah, I am a book nerd, I recognize that my own dating methods and interpersonal communication preferences are not the same as everyone's. A well crafted turn of phrase can literally give me the shivers (even if it's not sexual or anything, just the way some people have with words.) But that goes back to what I was saying.....women vary, in terms of what will get our attention or impress us. We are not all identical. So thinking that any man MUST be strong in this one area, or that there is any one facet that is "all women care about"... No, I think that different women respond to different things. So this idea that some guys will appeal to literally all women, and some guys to literally none, I can not agree with it.
I tell 'em, find something...some strength...build it up and learn how to "market" it, advertise it to the world...whatever it is, it won't impress ALL women. But it will probably interest some of us. And all ya really need is one--hopefully the right one!
But that thing whatever it is has to be there from the beginning it’s not something you can acquire.
Wheter it’s a talent or charisma or whatever it’s still
genetics.
If it’s not there you can’t acquire it.
Right, so no one ever studied to learn something. You're born knowing how to speak several languages? You are born an artist or musician? That requires no dedication, practice, or effort, it's just genetics and luck? Athleticism is just something that happens randomly, they don't work out and exercise for those strong, toned, agile bodies? Personal style is something you pop out of the womb with? Man...I hate to think what birth was like for all the punk rock babies I know, with the spikes and everything...
I've known guys who were interesting because of their interests. They were well read, and no matter the subject of conversation, they had something to add, even if it was a bit of trivial chat about something relevant they saw in a documentary or read in a magazine.
Right, so no one ever studied to learn something. You're born knowing how to speak several languages? You are born an artist or musician? That requires no dedication, practice, or effort, it's just genetics and luck? Athleticism is just something that happens randomly, they don't work out and exercise for those strong, toned, agile bodies? Personal style is something you pop out of the womb with? Man...I hate to think what birth was like for all the punk rock babies I know, with the spikes and everything...
I've known guys who were interesting because of their interests. They were well read, and no matter the subject of conversation, they had something to add, even if it was a bit of trivial chat about something relevant they saw in a documentary or read in a magazine.
Nobody beamed that information into their heads.
Never said people don’t have to work at it at all but the natural talent was there and then they cultivated it..
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,642,323 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
when I used the word, "voice" part of what I was saying wasn't intended to mean literally their speaking-out-loud voice, I meant how you can read the way that some people write and get a feeling for their personality. They write in a way that conveys tone and character and such, effectively.
Oh...ofc.....it's JMO that any potential dating relationship has to become *real* asap......& you don't date a man in real life through message & writing.
Some of us are better writers.....some have more lively personalities.......some are more kind & thoughtful.....it's all preference. BUT ....you can't know any of that if you don't get beyond writing in text IMO............
Oh...ofc.....it's JMO that any potential dating relationship has to become *real* asap......& you don't date a man in real life through message & writing.
Some of us are better writers.....some have more lively personalities.......some are more kind & thoughtful.....it's all preference. BUT ....you can't know any of that if you don't get beyond writing in text IMO............
You can't. And I'm not being critical of that.
But I think that I could quite easily fall about halfway in love with someone through the written word. I think the idea of exchanging love letters like a couple from a few hundred years ago is deliciously romantic. How many ways can we say one thing and hint at another? FUN!
In fact the only guy that I went home with on the first date (which felt about as much like "living dangerously" as anything I've ever done in my life) I was already feelin' pretty sparky about him just from the way he wrote. He had a great sense of humor, and that really came across.
What I used to really, really hate, was when guys would prompt me to write messages about intimate things...I mean, you guys know me, I'm not shy or ashamed of pretty much anything, right? But they would try to get me talking and give very little back, and within a couple of exchanges you could tell they just wanted me to write them free erotica. That's just as gross to me as the guys who just want naughty videos or pictures, and ya know, it's funny--much as we get guys complaining about women who are on online dating just for the attention and not to really find someone, there are LOTS of men who are on there in the hopes of getting stimulating material from women, who have no intention of meeting up. Whether that is writing, pictures, video...whatever.
So yeah, in general I wanted to just meet face to face as soon as feasible. But until then, the written word was the only means I would communicate. Not because I was a catfish (lol?) but because I don't give out additional contact info or PII or whatever, lightly. And none of the online dating platforms then had video chatting, I don't know what app you were using that did.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,642,323 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
What I used to really, really hate, was when guys would prompt me to write messages about intimate things...I mean, you guys know me, I'm not shy or ashamed of pretty much anything, right? But they would try to get me talking and give very little back, and within a couple of exchanges you could tell they just wanted me to write them free erotica.
Not my thing....unless I like the man. The free erotica writing stuff is why I avoided the guys that stayed in text or talked about sex right away. IMO there's a super big difference for people that play games online or texting only.........to people that are seriously on point to find a committed relationship with sex & chemistry!!!
Ofc....you only meet online.....you don't date online................
Lol well I never got to the meet part. The only time I got even semi interest with old in 6 the months I was on it was from an obese women and that’s just not my cup of tea to say the least.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,642,323 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
Lol well I never got to the meet part. The only time I got even semi interest with old in 6 the months I was on it was from an obese women and that’s just not my cup of tea.
lol thanks story of my life..By sheer numbers and dumb luck i would think eventually I’d get one decent prospect interested in me eventually somewhere but who the hell knows at this point. Not looking good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
