Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jesus, being nice and decent looking is no where close to enough. It really sounds like you haven't really dated when you go on like that.
You also seem.unaware that both tinder and bumble have massive numbers of fake profiles to keep guys swiping (not that hard to figure that out) and all dating sites have tons of profiles no longer in use. I see profiles of people i know haven't been dating for years and even some dead.people on them.
Your bittnerness only harms yourself. That makes someone undateable fast.
Bumble profiles are not fakes. Most profiles are legit along with Tinder. It’s not bitterness. It’s called denial. I’m like a revelator bringing forth some concealed truths that nobody wants to acknowledge or accept. I guess to perceive is too suffer. Like Socrates said. Looks matter more then anyone is willing to admit. Ok, next case.
Last edited by folkguitarist555; 04-15-2020 at 09:22 PM..
Yea bottom line also is that men who are pretty average in looks, really are not going to have a real fun time on dating sites. Women get upwards of over 50 messages a week. I knew one that got over 50 in a day. So, to answer the OP’s question...online dating is crap for most single men. I guess men in general,...are more heart and soul oriented and more about inner substance, while many women seem to be more about model looks.
It's absolutely true that women get far more messages. However, this does not merit the significance you seem to think it does.
Many, many men cast a very wide net and will message any woman that they would even remotely consider for a drunk booty call at 2am. And it's not because they are "more heart and soul oriented and more about inner substance". (Are you serious?? Well, bonus points for trying to flip the script!)
These messages do not automatically translate into actual respectful dates with interesting men who actually would like to get to know the woman, or even to fun online conversation.
To be very clear: your example of the average-looking woman with 50 messages, she is very likely NOT being offered 50 genuine dates with a potential relationship. She's being alerted that to at least 50 men browsing profiles she made some kind of capricious cut that each man had in his own mind at the time.
IMO, if more men were more discerning about who they messaged instead of flinging generic messages to any woman who made their cut, most women wouldn't get anywhere near the number they currently receive. I believe most women would rather receive far less messages but of a much higher quality. I may be wrong.
The wide, wide net. In other words, it's men who make online dating crap for other men.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by folkguitarist555
Bumble profiles are not fakes. Most profiles are legit along with Tinder. It’s not bitterness. It’s called denial. I’m like a revelator bringing forth some concealed truths that nobody wants to acknowledge or accept. I guess to perceive is too suffer. Like Socrates said. Looks matter more then anyone is willing to admit. Ok, next case.
Lots are fake too, and if you haven't been able to figure that out (its rather obvious), then yeah, thats on you. Continue to be your worst enemy, congrats. More than a few people on here have seen my pic. I am average at best. Don't earn a ton. No fame, or anything noteworthy, yet I find OLD great. Its not them, it is you.
Lots are fake too, and if you haven't been able to figure that out (its rather obvious), then yeah, thats on you. Continue to be your worst enemy, congrats. More than a few people on here have seen my pic. I am average at best. Don't earn a ton. No fame, or anything noteworthy, yet I find OLD great. Its not them, it is you.
Yep. I'm one of 'em, I'd say you are on the good side of average in appearance. Nobody is likely to chase you down the street, but you keep yourself in decent shape and (what I personally like) you have a smile that lights up your eyes. I can see that even in photos.
But more than anything, you have a good attitude toward dating and toward women.
This poster is so strange. The things I am finding ridiculous here...
- A certain kind of person who spews BS that many disagree with, and falls back on, "I just know the secret or unpalatable truth you don't want to admit." The only people who agree are the others who have spent a lifetime struggling. I know who I take my advice from. It ain't unhappy and unsuccessful people, in any area of expertise. It ain't the complainers. Excuses =/= Enlightenment.
- Profiles on Tinder/Bumble are all real? HAHAHAHA... Yeah, I'd bet that of the "hot women" who spend years on dating apps, a lot of them are bots or scammers using photos of somebody else. Wow, how naive...
- The insistence that material prosperity and looks are the only factors, or that a guy's money situation is the equivalent of his personality or character somehow, such that if he does not have his financial house in order, it MUST be his looks. ???
- And so what if it is, even? Some women might go for that, but a lot won't. Tell ya one thing though, looks might be enough to bait the hook and get a nibble (for men or women) but if he was a scowly, cynical, critical, PITA downer to be around, these women would bail FAST. Like immediately. And if he wasn't fun in the bedroom, they would not be down to continue having that kind of fun with him for any amount of time, either. Being pretty does not equate to being a good lover, at least not if a woman is doing the judging, and probably not for a number of men either. Maybe this guy knows his way around the hardware. Honestly so many guys are meh in bed that he could stand out and make a name for himself if he had skills.
Sheesh, Ron Jeremy got plenty of action on and off camera, guaranteed before he had any wealth or material success or fame to begin with, and he was NEVER a pretty man. Some think it's all about the size of his equipment, but it's not really THAT special. Plenty of guys are in that size ballpark, and size isn't everything. But you know there is something I can tell he has going for him...he has a great sense of humor. He's probably a hell of a conversationalist and a skilled flirt. From where I stand not knowing the man, I would not say "I'd hit that" but I am willing to acknowledge that if we met in person he might be able to change my mind, and I acknowledge that from some of the very silly things he's done and how he talks in interviews. I suspect he has a very engaging personality.
Character, I think, is more powerful than anything. And that's not just, "reliable/stable/morally sound/nice" either. Up front, a woman wants to be around a guy whose company is enjoyable. Even a homeless dude can be fun to hang out with. But a dude who is all, "I just know things you don't" every time you disagree with him, and makes excuses and blames others and complains about how people are all the time...no. I swear some of the posters here...not even just the guys...I'm like "Do you even human?" Sheesh.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78
As far as struggling guys having no merit about their complaints I’ve never struggled so I can’t speak for them but when there are so many guys nowadays who complain about women being too shallow or picky because of having so many advances and options on old and elsewhere surely there has to be some merit too it or are they all liars?
I’m not saying everything they say is gospel or all women are this way but there has to be some truth in it and the truth has to at least lie somewhere in the middle if we hear it from so many guys no?
Its not "so many guys". Its a vocal minority with a loud horn (the internet).
There have always been shallow men and women, there always will be. Nothing has changed other than more now than ever women don't need a man to economically support them so they have free choice more, and forced economic servitude less. That's a great thing for society at large.
You make it seem like most good looking guys have these negative traits what about the ones who have the positive traits? Clearly they’ll be picked way before the unattractive guy with good traits..
As far as struggling guys having no merit about their complaints I’ve never struggled so I can’t speak for them but when there are so many guys nowadays who complain about women being too shallow or picky because of having so many advances and options on old and elsewhere surely there has to be some merit too it or are they all liars?
I’m not saying everything they say is gospel or all women are this way but there has to be some truth in it and the truth has to at least lie somewhere in the middle if we hear it from so many guys no?
It probably has a lot to do with the fact that men are in the pursuer role most of the time. Women have the luxury of being able to be passive and get "picked" ( though thats not always great either if nobody decides to pursue a particular woman).
But if I were a man that had been striking out for years on end for reasons that I couldnt figure out, Im sure Id be getting frustrated and bitter too.
There is likely a reason, that could be fixed, but being unwilling or unable to look at ones own flaws is not uncommon.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,642,323 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
It probably has a lot to do with the fact that men are in the pursuer role most of the time. Women have the luxury of being able to be passive and get "picked" ( though thats not always great either if nobody decides to pursue a particular woman).
This is like something taken out of an old etiquette book maybe.............where did you get this idea from? Relationships are friendships 1st & chemistry & 2 way communication. We pick men as much as they pick us.
This is like something taken out of an old etiquette book maybe.............where did you get this idea from? Relationships are friendships 1st & chemistry & 2 way communication. We pick men as much as they pick us.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,642,323 times
Reputation: 7618
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
You've never gotten hit on by a random stranger?
Ofc......BUT that doesn't mean I was lined up in a dance line waiting passively for somebody to pursue me......... Hitting on somebody takes a mutual interest to go anywhere & it doesn't matter who started it.
Edit: Do you really believe that men pursue & we wait????
You make it seem like most good looking guys have these negative traits what about the ones who have the positive traits? Clearly they’ll be picked way before the unattractive guy with good traits..
As far as struggling guys having no merit about their complaints I’ve never struggled so I can’t speak for them but when there are so many guys nowadays who complain about women being too shallow or picky because of having so many advances and options on old and elsewhere surely there has to be some merit too it or are they all liars?
I’m not saying everything they say is gospel or all women are this way but there has to be some truth in it and the truth has to at least lie somewhere in the middle if we hear it from so many guys no?
Again, this is oversimplifying things.
To throw another monkey wrench into the machinery and try and make the point that it's more chaotic than that, there's also MARKETING. Not merely what traits you have, but how you demonstrate to others that you have them.
So perhaps having good looks is pretty easy to demonstrate. Well. Not if you don't interact with others that much, not if you don't put yourself out there on an OLD platform, or not if you don't get decent photos (I've known people who were pretty good looking, but their photos were a disaster.)
Many other traits, you can claim to have...but if you merely make the claim, then you might be either lying or simply wrong. I know a guy who does stand up comedy, and he really is not funny. He thinks he is, though. Lots of guys say that they are nice, and then follow that by saying a lot of really-not-nice things. Oh, so you're nice...sometimes? Or you know how to pretend you're nice (whatever that means to you) if you think you'll get something out of it? What?
All that is why, when perusing profiles online, what I was judging in photos wasn't a man's basic attractiveness, but his expression. And I don't mean facial expression, I mean what is he saying with everything about that picture? Does his attempt at a brooding look just make him look hostile? Is he trying to convey with his clothing and his environment that he is a cowboy or a gangsta, a Juggalo or an outdoorsman? Obsessed with his car? What all is going on there? And I was most interested in his writing. Not just what he said, but how he said it, and what I could easily read between the lines.
But...that's me. I've been an obsessive reader since before I entered school, I was taught early and I never stopped. I am that person who composes texts with sentence structure and punctuation, capitalization, and spacing. But unless I caught on to a facet of someone who noped me out, I was fairly openminded about meeting in person. If analysis of his profile didn't tell me what I wanted to know, then meeting him for an hour over coffee or ice cream would.
I remember a guy who reached out to me online and he looked good, but in his first message to me, he said that he hated himself. My next message in response was also my last, I told him I was very sorry to hear that. I really don't have time for that kind of thing, I was not looking to become an instant unpaid therapist for a guy I had never met. Not what I was there for. He was really good looking. I went on dates and even am now engaged to men that most women would not consider to be conventionally hot looking. In fact, the one guy who is my "one who got away" that I'd practically beg the chance to just sleep with him now and then if I had thought he'd go for it (and if I were not now in a committed relationship of course)...his looks can only be described as middle-aged/dad-bod/nerd. He was like 5'10" at most, his hair and teeth were still good, but it wasn't his looks that sparked infatuation for me. It was his outrageously fun and very intelligent personality and his bedroom skills. He gets plenty of female attention and could have committed relationships if he wanted them, but he doesn't...in my mind he deserves all the sex he gets and as much as he wants. Oh...and he sang to me...*sigh*...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The only people who agree are the others who have spent a lifetime struggling. I know who I take my advice from. It ain't unhappy and unsuccessful people, in any area of expertise. It ain't the complainers. Excuses =/= Enlightenment.
...where did you get this idea from? Relationships are friendships 1st & chemistry & 2 way communication. We pick men as much as they pick us.
Hitting on somebody takes a mutual interest to go anywhere & it doesn't matter who started it.
