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Agreed - that said, at the point of first contact/hello, one can't possibly know if they want a date yet or not.
One can't possibly know yet if they want a date with that person. But they want a date. It's why you're there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
They're interested re: a photo or the profile, and they want a conversation to see if there's any potential (or if they both are looking for the same thing).
Interested ... looking for ... potential ... all key words referring in this case to dating, not to friendship.
One can't possibly know if they want a date with that person. But they want a date. It's why you're there.
Interested ... looking for ... potential ... all key words referring in this case to dating, not to friendship.
Yeah, I agreed in my previous post one is potentially looking for a relationship if they are on a dating site; it doesn't mean they make assumptions about everyone they say hello to, however, nor does it mean they're especially optimistic they will find what they are looking for. That's dating in general, not just online - one needs a sense of humor about it all to take it in stride (and the ability to cut through the garbage as efficiently as possible).
Yeah, I agreed in my previous post one is potentially looking for a relationship if they are on a dating site; it doesn't mean they make assumptions about everyone they say hello to, however, nor does it mean they're especially optimistic they will find what they are looking for. That's dating in general, not just online - one needs a sense of humor about it all to take it in stride (and the ability to cut through the garbage as efficiently as possible).
I guess. But that's not really related to what I was responding to with the other poster anyway.
I always made the first move. Then I would do nothing and let the man make further effort if he was interested.
The huge benefit of this maneuver is that you take full responsibility for who you find attractive, what you want. It's very empowering. You don't wait passively until a man expresses interest, and then decide if you find him attractive or not. I didn't get 100% positive response rate. But of the positive responses I got, 100% of them I was attracted to. What a lottery win!
I also found that in general men definitely like it when a woman makes the first contact, revealing initial interest. This is no way prevents the man from courting, stepping up, pursuing, or whatever kind of relationship dance the people want to do, but men get rejected so often, that it can feel really good to them to know that a woman is interested before they make any effort. IMO it can even raise your first-impression-attractiveness level in their mind, because your initial attention feels good to them! And people in general find it harder to resist what gave them a good feeling
My wife asked me out cause in her words, "You weren't going to do it so I did it for you " She just has a strong, spitfire of a personality. This whole thing of how men should always pursue makes me laugh cause of how stone age it sounds.
Women approach as well but they're more crafty and smart with it.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Yeah, being on a dating site means it's not REALLY "friendship" anyway.
Let's not be coy. Everyone knows why you're there.
If I'm going to be coquettish.....it wouldn't be with you or a forum.......
Dating online has to be friendship 1st because you have to get to know the man & trust who he is before you meet IMO...even if there's lots of respectful flirtation. If a guy isn't trying to get to know us 1st......then dating is not what he wants ofc & I would stop talking to him or block him if I had to.
Dating online has to be friendship 1st because you have to get to know the man & trust who he is before you meet IMO...even if there's lots of respectful flirtation. If a guy isn't trying to get to know us 1st......then dating is not what he wants ofc & I would stop talking to him or block him if I had to.
You can call it "friendship" if it makes you feel better, but saying "friends first" on a dating site is just code for "no hook-ups."
Regardless of how long it takes you to get there, you're all there for what it ultimately the same reason: To find someone you match with romantically, not a friend. That is the whole point. And if you reached out first, you made the first move. Not sure why that's hard to acknowledge.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,592,265 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
You can call it "friendship" if it makes you feel better, but saying "friends first" on a dating site is just code for "no hook-ups."
Regardless of how long it takes you to get there, you're all there for what it ultimately the same reason: To find someone you match with romantically, not a friend. That is the whole point. And if you reached out first, you made the first move. Not sure why that's hard to acknowledge.
I just don't hook up with anyone for sex.....that's not online dating to me & it puts our safety at risk IMO.
I said hello 1st........but he asked me out & he paid for it. I have never asked a man out in my life for a 1st date. BUT like I said........I'm super happy I did say hi 1st tho........or I might not be where I am now. I have no problem acknowledging that.............I'll shout it from the rooftops if you want me to.........
edit: women don't have to wait to be spoken to online or *a n y w h e r e*
Yeah, I mean it's true, a thing that ThisTown123 has complained about where women try to soften romantic rejection by saying that they can be friends instead, but then they put zero actual energy into making a friendship happen after that.
I mean think about it, what does that even mean? What would that look like? Friends presumably have conversations, hang out together sometimes? Given the fact that you KNOW then and there, that this person was a stranger, with whom you have no established personal investment, and they wanted to date you but you were not feeling it... Any ongoing time/energy put into continuing to talk and hang out would feel like giving them false hope, I think.
Unless you had other friends in common, and you were spending time in groups of people socially. But heck, even guys that I didn't meet on a dating site, where it was never a "maybe we could get naked?" vibe...if they're straight dudes and especially if I ever had the feeling they might find me attractive, I avoid being alone one-on-one with them.
You just can't ever 100% trust that a guy who viewed you as a sexual prospect, is going to be able to stow that attraction and actually be a FRIEND...and whenever we have those interminable conversations where people are saying that men and women CAN'T be just friends (which I disagree with, but I think boundaries are needful) it's usually men, and they usually eventually add, "Well not if there is attraction involved."
Though I have found that it's fairly easy to become "just friends" with former lovers, if whatever we had going on ran its course and he in particular was ready to move on from it.
I guess this is one of few areas where I can acknowledge some pressure from the old "evo-bio mating strategy" talk. Guys are more driven to get some if they haven't yet had a taste. After that, maybe they attach and maybe they cool off. Women are more apt to hesitate or say no before sex ever has a chance to happen, and feel attached once it has. Which would make a lot of sense given who wins and who loses, if a careless conception happens and the Daddy doesn't stick around. But as I always say, all of that might work in theory but in practice, humans are just so much more complex than that. It's far from absolute. Very far.
But I do think that it can color our perceptions when we are dealing with strangers. And people on OLD are exactly that. Strangers, who might become prospects for sex and/or romance. Gaining friends online is done more on sites like Facebook, or here, anywhere there's a forum or group setting where conversations are happening. There are a number of posters here on CD that I consider to be the online version of "friends." I've met up with a couple of them in person, and I'd be willing to do that with others, it's fun. The men I knew from OLD back in the day? No, not so much.
Well this thread has given me pause as far as entering the online dating world LOL.
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