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Considering the fact that I've lived in more Countries than there are states, and I've met many, many different cultures, I'd say that I am more qualified when it comes to making comments about male and female beauty, height, and the standards attractive women have in men.
That's laugable. LOL. Someone here thinks they know it all! Just do a simple Google search and you'll see the facts. Just because you traveled different countries is irrelevant and anecdotal.
. I can easily imagine going through life facing a lot more rejection than I ever have, and how that might shape a human being's thinking.
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Which is what people don’t get who can attract people somewhat easily or at all that you know another chance will come again.
When you’ve never had sucess you don’t have that feeling of ok I know I can attract other people and get more swings at bat. You don’t know if you’ll ever even get an at bat.
You start to feel like you’re the elephant man and something must be wrong with you.
Which is what people don’t get who can attract people somewhat easily or at all that you know another chance will come again.
When you’ve never had sucess you don’t have that feeling of ok I know I can attract other people and get more swings at bat. You don’t know if you’ll ever even get an at bat.
You start to feel like you’re the elephant man and something must be wrong with you.
Your saying you allow someone else to control how you feel about yourself?
Your saying you allow someone else to control how you feel about yourself?
This argument would be a lot more valid if human beings were not social creatures, but we are.
Isolation causes poor mental health. Feelings of low self worth, among other possible psychological responses, are completely human, normal, and understandable, when you feel rejected by most or all other human beings, especially the ones you crave love and care from. And just because you're the only one who could do anything to change the situation, does not mean you will see a clear path to doing so, or be able to easily overcome your own internal barriers to giving it a serious attempt.
I'm not so much saying "He is right." as I am saying "He is human and it's understandable."
But then, even if I reached a place as a decent enough looking girl, then woman, where others took an interest in me if only because they wanted to get laid... I also grew up an awkward, ugly, and often rejected child. I did not know how to be quick and witty like some of my classmates, or how to feel comfortable playing the games that they played. Most of the direct interaction I got from other kids was bullying. My own parents were most often disappointed, stressed and distracted, angry, or neglectful. I didn't get a good response for my desire for love, care, or reassurance from them.
So I really remember what it feels like, to feel like the world around you, is against you.
In a way it really set me up, because when the time came, age 14-15, that boys wanted to get into my bed, I was happy to let that happen because for the first time EVER in my life, I felt like other human beings wanted to be close to me. No matter the reason. Is that better? Is it any healthier?
I also hate it when people mockingly or derisively say that someone "just wants attention." You know what, to some extent, we ALL do, even if we don't think we do. It is one of our first impulses that we are born with, "cry to get needs met." A child who grows up with loving parents, will probably relax and feel safe that they are not going to be put in peril because no one was paying enough attention. In our early years though, make no mistake, adequate "attention" is a life or death matter.
And with all of the evidence that shows that physical contact, and human interaction are vital for our mental health (and probably our physical health also)...?
Thing is, I have never been sure that JBT's problems are precisely of the nature that he thinks they are. I believe he's fallen into the vicious circle trap, where his loneliness makes him depressive and negative, and that he does not hide it as well with others as he thinks he does, and that in turn makes him less appealing to women, which then pushes his mental health and happiness further down, which then makes him less appealing, rinse repeat etc. Because he insists that he is ugly and that is THE problem, and I struggle to believe that, if for no other reason than because I've known very ugly people who still found love. But it is more comfortable, I think, to tell oneself, "my suffering is for reasons I can't help" because it would hurt all the more to be honest and self aware, work to change things, and still not be rewarded with good results. And self-work, changing one's entire life philosophy and mental habits...that is incredibly challenging.
I dunno. I can have sympathy for people even if I get frustrated sometimes with them, or don't think that they're right in their assessment of things. Sympathy is free, you know? Actually does not cost me anything to give.
Your saying you allow someone else to control how you feel about yourself?
Yes to a point. We’re all social beings and wanted to be accepted it’s human nature anyone who doesn’t care all is a sociopath.
Obviously neither extreme is healthy I get that. but at the same time I believe most people here who say what you say if they were in my shoes would feel closer to how I feel then they do because they’ve had sucess felt love felt wanted felt attractive felt the touch of the opposite sex.
Obviously neither extreme is healthy I get that. but at the same time I believe most people here who say what you say if they were in my shoes would feel closer to how I feel then they do because they’ve had sucess felt love felt wanted felt attractive felt the touch of the opposite sex.
It's called a reflected sense of self, and it isn't healthy.
You're basically looking to someone else and saying, "I am who you say I am...," and you're taking away any say YOU might have.
You're basically looking to someone else and saying, "I am who you say I am...," and you're taking away any say YOU might have.
Yep - the problem being a lack of self-esteem and/or psychological health rather than online (or any) dating in and of itself. Point being, you'll meet those who are emotionally healthy (and those who are not) no matter where you go/what you do in life; being emotionally healthy ourselves (and having a clear picture of what we want) is the way to distinguish the difference between the two. This can be accomplished relatively quickly once meeting online, though one or two may slip by initially, lol.
Yes to a point. We’re all social beings and wanted to be accepted it’s human nature anyone who doesn’t care all is a sociopath.
Obviously neither extreme is healthy I get that. but at the same time I believe most people here who say what you say if they were in my shoes would feel closer to how I feel then they do because they’ve had sucess felt love felt wanted felt attractive felt the touch of the opposite sex.
I agree with you. As humans we all have to coexist harmoniously. Very few people can or want to live in total isolation, but that is the only situation in which one is truly freed of the necessity to conform to societal expectations, and can truly say what others think about them doesnt make a difference.
Most people dont stop to think about this because its so second nature to most people. Like fish dont think about what they are doing as swimming in water. For fish its just their environment that they dont need to define or analyze.
I lived abroad for about 7 years so that experience let me know how it feels to be an alien, a misfit, to not know all the subtleties going on around me. Like "Was that hand gesture something rude directed at me, or was that person just scratching their face?" Things like that.
Im not the most socially proficient person anyways since Im kind of a quiet bookworm, but in my own culture at least I know where I fit in, I know whats going on around me, I know if someone likes me or not, and I know the rituals and the expectations. I think living abroad made me more attuned and aware than I had been before.
But there is such a thing as stigma and being shunned by ones community. Its social control and its very effective. Peer pressure is another way to put it.
So the need to be approved of and accepted is inborn, whether we like it or not.
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