Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Everyone should be their own number one fan once you figure that out nothing anyone can do or say to you changes the way you feel about yourself. The problem is only you can figure that out no one else can do it for you. This is in all life not just dating even in the workplace.
You can go though life sulking or feeling sorry for yourself or do something to change it. How you got to that point doesn't matter you can only control what you do in the future.
Yep I have some experience with this I also had lot of "reasons" Some were sad, but reality is can't go back and change the past I had to self improve get out of feeling sorry for myself.
Dating issues are a symptom of a root problem that has to solved first.
Yeah there is a comfort in staying status quo as opposed to making sweeping changes on yourself. It also keeps me from being vulnerable and rejected in my mind.. Part of it is ego i guess which we all have to an extent..
Of course there’s also times I go back to the default thing my looks and see myself in a picture and go who in their right mind would want to F me.
It's definitely easy to find a "discomfort comfort zone," so to speak, where you find a place where you can tolerate your issues because you know how hard it would be to really tackle them, and you just question whether you even want to, whether your current state is REALLY that bad.
Yeah there is a comfort in staying status quo as opposed to making sweeping changes on yourself. It also keeps me from being vulnerable and rejected in my mind.. Part of it is ego i guess which we all have to an extent..
Of course there’s also times I go back to the default thing my looks and see myself in a picture and go who in their right mind would want to F me.
I suspect you identified something significant when you said that you you'll make some changes and still not connect with anyone. You also identified that thinking like this keeps you trapped. It seems to me that you maintain hope that you're attractive or lovable or just effable by never finding out if you are. In your words, to try something different and not succeed would make you more vulnerable than you want to be.
I think talking to a therapist would be a great idea. Your issues (and you) aren't unique or weird. Therapists deal with lots of people who hold themselves back because they're afraid to be vulnerable. The therapist may or may not provide you with any new insight, but they can provide you with some structure and a systematic approach to trying new things, as well as some coping strategies and informed feedback as you report on your progress. A good therapist will help you feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, which can be a breakthrough in and of itself.
I suspect you identified something significant when you said that you you'll make some changes and still not connect with anyone. You also identified that thinking like this keeps you trapped. It seems to me that you maintain hope that you're attractive or lovable or just effable by never finding out if you are. In your words, to try something different and not succeed would make you more vulnerable than you want to be.
I
I really hope you talk to someone.
Yeah I think that’s part of it. Don’t want to change and find out my god iam really unattractive and unlovable
It's definitely easy to find a "discomfort comfort zone," so to speak, where you find a place where you can tolerate your issues because you know how hard it would be to really tackle them, and you just question whether you even want to, whether your current state is REALLY that bad.
Yep.. I would mostly try to change because I want a relationship..that’s the one place it’s hindered me.
It’s not like I’m a total social mess or anything i just tend to get in my head a lot..
Do you know why guys bother with online dating? Because asking women in your social circle like Meetup a ton of interview questions does not work. I seen a lot these threads from the Internet from guys that complain that intentionally friendzoning themselves does not work. When a guy starts a thread about finding dates, a lot of people will give the OP advice about joining a club, asking questions, and being friends first. Then when the same guy uses that advice and complains the advice does not work, people give "tough love" by telling him to lower his standards and not be weird.
Some guys are unable to cope with the constant rejection and give up. Other guys pick themselves up and reject the friendzone, job interview approach to talking to women and focus on online dating. Instead of boring women, these guys maximize their looks and take good pictures so that they can attract women on dating apps.
Regarding JBT's dance club thread, I wonder why people were encouraging him to continue to be that quiet, nice guy that engages in the same scripted conversations like "Do you come here often?" Most women aren't attracted to serious, shy guys that ask the same interview questions. I believe that women are rejecting JBT because he is not interesting enough.
Here are some alternatives to the traditional, pre-Internet advice. Maximize your looks. Work out and buy nice clothes. Take pictures of you doing something interesting and use those pictures in a dating profile. Another alternative is to practice your conversation skills so that you're that interesting person that makes observations and gives opinions.
Here are some alternatives to the traditional, pre-Internet advice. Maximize your looks. Work out and buy nice clothes. Take pictures of you doing something interesting and use those pictures in a dating profile. Another alternative is to practice your conversation skills so that you're that interesting person that makes observations and gives opinions.
Interesting observation here. Did ok with dating apps previously in my twenties. Since I returned home from three years in Europe, now in my early thirties, there has been a distinct shift.
I'm more established, have better pictures due to learning some basic photography and interesting travel, I've learned how to succinctly and without coming off as a tool highlight the interesting parts of my personal life and I don't try too hard when messaging. The interest level in my profile from women I could also be interested in, not just the desperados, is through the roof compared to my previous experience.
I've seen this from a number men. Dating apps get better for men in your thirties as long as your life is on an upward trajectory and you're not a troglodyte.
Interesting observation here. Did ok with dating apps previously in my twenties. Since I returned home from three years in Europe, now in my early thirties, there has been a distinct shift.
I'm more established, have better pictures due to learning some basic photography and interesting travel, I've learned how to succinctly and without coming off as a tool highlight the interesting parts of my personal life and I don't try too hard when messaging. The interest level in my profile from women I could also be interested in, not just the desperados, is through the roof compared to my previous experience.
I've seen this from a number men. Dating apps get better for men in your thirties as long as your life is on an upward trajectory and you're not a troglodyte.
What age women are you getting a higher interest level from?
Agree that taking good pictures makes a big difference.
Here are some alternatives to the traditional, pre-Internet advice. Maximize your looks. Work out and buy nice clothes. Take pictures of you doing something interesting and use those pictures in a dating profile. Another alternative is to practice your conversation skills so that you're that interesting person that makes observations and gives opinions.
What's to say this guy is not buying nice clothes and not working out, doing something interesting, etc. He could be doing all this and still struggle with online dating. You're staying this under the assumption that he's not doing these things.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
