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What's to say this guy is not buying nice clothes and not working out, doing something interesting, etc. He could be doing all this and still struggle with online dating. You're staying this under the assumption that he's not doing these things.
I don't think that he is. If you strongly believe that you are just ugly and can't help it, why would you put effort into your appearance? (However, I believe that there are the fewest of few cases that cannot be improved with healthy living, decent hygiene and flattering clothing and hair/facial hair choices.) But JBT is not the first man I've ever known who is utterly persistent in his belief and repetition that he is ugly, and my god do tons of women ever do the same thing. Only when women do, we're accused to fishing for attention and compliments.
As to the other, that is a suggestion very often made, to do something interesting. Cultivate a talent, a hobby that gives you some depth, things to talk about, add layers to your character. The response I always got was that you had to be born with inherent talents, to succeed at becoming "interesting" in that way.
I would agree that learning to play music or speak multiple languages is easier for anyone if they start as small children, but I also don't believe that things like that are impossible for adults who didn't...they just need to devote more time and effort to it, and not be paralyzed by the fact that they suck at it to start with. That's the one that holds me back, personally. Being bad at something in front of other people, like someone who could help teach me something, makes me want to hide under a rock and apologize for breathing air. It's a bad feeling, and easy to let that cause you to not even try things.
But see, a lot of self improvement stuff, at least the kind that pays off bigtime by making a person happier to be the person that they are...and hence, as a side effect, more interesting to others, including potential partners...absolutely REQUIRES a willingness to endure the awkwardness of stepping outside of your comfort zone. And the thing is, once you force yourself to endure that a few times, if you keep at it, it really does not take long for the scary new experience you're dealing with, to seem OK after all. Most of us are more adaptable than we think we are, and we build up great big walls in our minds, from bricks of anxiety about the unknown. It does take some courage to realize that the walls aren't actually solid, and you can walk right through them if you truly want to.
[quote=Sonic_Spork;57933679]I don't think that he is. If you strongly believe that you are just ugly and can't help it, why would you put effort into your appearance? (However, I believe that there are the fewest of few cases that cannot be improved with healthy living, decent hygiene and flattering clothing and hair/facial hair choices.) But JBT is not the first man I've ever known who is utterly persistent in his belief and repetition that he is ugly, and my god do tons of women ever do the same thing. Only when women do, we're accused to fishing for attention and compliments. QUOTE]
this lady I know had a decent point about that. She said makeup can make most women look somewhat presentable and completely different even ugly ones while there’s nothing an ugly guy can do to change his face.
this lady I know had a decent point about that. She said makeup can make most women look somewhat presentable and completely different even ugly ones while there’s nothing an ugly guy can do to change his face.
Bravo. Very interesting. And very true for some men.
Funnily, I was recently watching a series where I googled the lead actor, because he was HOT in the show. But in his headshots and red carpet stuff, he was cleanshaven and looked like he would be the dorky guy in a boy band, and it was like, no thank you, please. Beard, clothes, body language: all change the game.
I dress pretty decently I’m not in bad shape it’s not like I’m a complete mess.
Something you might think about. I fully understand if you don't want to respond here, but maybe consider this.
How would you describe a woman who is sort of the female equivalent of you? Not trait for trait, but more generally how would you describe a woman who has about the same level of strengths and weaknesses that you have? Appearance, personality, either or both.
Would you consider dating the woman you describe?
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