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You are looking at history with rose coloured glasses on, because the reality is marriages were not for love, they were a business arrangement between families for centuries, in almost every single culture.
And if you are simply looking at recent history, say the 1920s to 1960s, then you need to read a bit more about what marriage was like for women.
Right on.
Our narrow perception of what a relationship is, between man and woman is exactly that, Narrow. Much of the world including our own in recent history, as you pointed out, had a different, non-love based idea of marriage.
I think so because your children are a piece of you so there's a closer bond. You and your siblings are pieces of another person. Close but not as close as your child. Even adopted kids.
I think the love for a child is stronger because there's an unconscious possessive of "mine" they are yours and always will be.
I haven't read all the posts - having a newborn - I don't have the time. And although my baby is only 7 weeks old - I love him more than I could have possibly imagined. So does my husband. And my husband and I love each other even more because of our son, too. Love is really an amazing thing.
As for who I love most - I feel like that's kind of silly. I don't put measurements on my love for people. I don't think - well, on the love scale, my love for my son is a 10 and my love for my mother is an 8. There are different types of love. I love my mother so much - in the mother love way. I love my husband in the husband love way. I love my friends in the friend love way. It's not like I have a finite amount of love so that when my son was born I had to love everyone else less to make room for him. Love is infinite. I'm so lucky to have so much love in my life - and the people that I love know that I love them tremendously.
I haven't read all the posts - having a newborn - I don't have the time. And although my baby is only 7 weeks old - I love him more than I could have possibly imagined. So does my husband. And my husband and I love each other even more because of our son, too. Love is really an amazing thing.
As for who I love most - I feel like that's kind of silly. I don't put measurements on my love for people. I don't think - well, on the love scale, my love for my son is a 10 and my love for my mother is an 8. There are different types of love. I love my mother so much - in the mother love way. I love my husband in the husband love way. I love my friends in the friend love way. It's not like I have a finite amount of love so that when my son was born I had to love everyone else less to make room for him. Love is infinite. I'm so lucky to have so much love in my life - and the people that I love know that I love them tremendously.
So baby gets a 10 and Mom gets an 8. Hubby gets a ??
In my opinion, Children should always get a ten. Parents, a little behind children. Spouse is probably on a sliding scale. What I don't get is parents that pretty much abandon their own children, or more typically a man who doesn't support his own Children (Applies to females sometimes too). Ive dated enough women who have had kids where the ex is totally out of his own Childrens lives, even when it was an amicable split. If you can't provide for your own you should be snipped so the rest of us don't have to provide for your children through taxes and personally .
So baby gets a 10 and Mom gets an 8. Hubby gets a ??
In my opinion, Children should always get a ten. Parents, a little behind children. Spouse is probably on a sliding scale. What I don't get is parents that pretty much abandon their own children, or more typically a man who doesn't support his own Children (Applies to females sometimes too). Ive dated enough women who have had kids where the ex is totally out of his own Childrens lives, even when it was an amicable split. If you can't provide for your own you should be snipped so the rest of us don't have to provide for your children through taxes and personally .
Well, my point was that I don't have a scale... So it's not like baby gets a 10 and mom gets an 8. More like everyone gets a 10. Would I do anything for my baby? YES! But if my mom needed me or my husband needed me - I would be there for them, too. I would never have to choose because the people I love would never make me choose.
I haven't read all the posts - having a newborn - I don't have the time. And although my baby is only 7 weeks old - I love him more than I could have possibly imagined. So does my husband. And my husband and I love each other even more because of our son, too. Love is really an amazing thing.
As for who I love most - I feel like that's kind of silly. I don't put measurements on my love for people. I don't think - well, on the love scale, my love for my son is a 10 and my love for my mother is an 8. There are different types of love. I love my mother so much - in the mother love way. I love my husband in the husband love way. I love my friends in the friend love way. It's not like I have a finite amount of love so that when my son was born I had to love everyone else less to make room for him. Love is infinite. I'm so lucky to have so much love in my life - and the people that I love know that I love them tremendously.
Nicely said
And congrats on that baby boy! I have kittens the exact same age and am having so much fun - newborns are all so precious
And congrats on that baby boy! I have kittens the exact same age and am having so much fun - newborns are all so precious
Are you comparing newborns to kittens Before I had a child my dog was like my baby...once I had my child the dog was just a dog! Cared and continue to treat my dog well...but not the depth of feelings I have for my child! Also having two people close to me that lost a child I can tell you it is a life altering loss...whereas I had to put my first dog to sleep and it didn't forever impact on my life. I think you were joking or you never had a child(yet?)!
Deep down, do you think most people love their children more than anyone else? More than their spouse, immediate family (parents, siblings) and most likely their closest friends or extended family?
I sometimes hear that the 'spouse should come before the children', exactly what that means I don't know, because divorce is so common but it's pretty uncommon for a parent to totally cut their child off from their lives. I suppose some parents 'disown' their children for whatever reason, but deep down it's harder to not love someone who is a part of you.
To me the idea of loving your children the same as your siblings and parents seems the most natural. I won't bring up any silly hypothetical 'who would you save if you HAD to' but I wonder if that's really the case with most people. I mean the very fact you have a responsibility for your children kind of makes them your number one priority. You can resent a parent who was abusive, unloving and resent a child who upset you for whatever reason but it's harder to totally cut your child out of your life. But if you're being honest, would you say your kids are still the most precious to you? Of course there's nothing wrong with saying one thing or another, but when my sister had her daughters I often wondered if she loved them more than us. I'm not jealous and would understand if she did, but deep down I do wonder. I'm not the type to force people to say their preference, but I thought it'd be revealing to see what views people have on the matter.
I think I understand how you feel. The way I see it, those who are around me are most important. Naturally, my daughter is going to be around me because she is still very young and her world revolves around me. She depends on me to set her up for success so she has my undivided attention.
When my husband is with us, they are the most important. Yes, my attention is divided unevenly but both are treated well because, as I mentioned before, those who are around me are most important.
If we are around family, which is usually during vacations, each member is responsible for setting their child up for success because those around us are most important and we try to treat each other well.
Everybody understands that parents will pay most most attention to their child because that is how we set them up for success. Love has nothing to do with who gets more attention. It has more to do with how one is treated.
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Before I had a child my dog was like my baby...once I had my child the dog was just a dog! Cared and continue to treat my dog well...but not the depth of feelings I have for my child! Also having two people close to me that lost a child I can tell you it is a life altering loss...whereas I had to put my first dog to sleep and it didn't forever impact on my life. I think you were joking or you never had a child(yet?)!
