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Do you think that everyone that smokes occasionally has a nicotine addiction? Because I have known several people that ONLY smoke when they are drinking. When my wife smoked she only smoked when the other girls took a smoke break at work, and when she was at a bar. Then she quit entirely once she found out she was pregnant and never exhibited any of the symptoms mentioned in that letter you posted. I'm not debating your point as I have never smoked, nor succumbed to any addiction at all. So I have no frame of reference. Just wondering if you thought it was possible for someone to have a view on smoking such as my wife where it's either strictly for stress relief or that she enjoys having a cigarette.
I think there are people who do smoke once in a great while that are not addicted. they are slim and far between. I think part of the ability to do so lies within how sensitive they are to their bodies reaction/feelings to it's need to replace the nicotine once it's effects leave the body.
some people smoke so little the "need" to replace is nill, or the physical reaction so small it doesn't mentally register. so they can take it or leave it.
with that being said the more you smoke the less likely you are to be able to ignore your bodies craving. some people are lucky and can quit with out much trouble from detoxing and I wish that was the case for most but it just isn't.
think of nicotine to your body like the need for gas in your car. the more you smoke the more often you fix. smokers mostly just smoke when their bodies tell them they need more, they don't even know their bodies are signalling them. sometimes it is only in the quitting, when you stop giving your body what it is craving that you truly "feel" the need for the nicotine.
the degree in which your body is full of nicotine is the reason why they have 3 steps in nicotine patches. light smokers can start off at a lower dosage then a heavy smoker.
pregnancy is a huge reason many women quit. it is also a huge reason why so many fall off the wagon once the children are born.. we quit for the child and never really give it much other thought. yes we quit but when we did we didn't learn how to deal with all the other reasons why we smoke. life happens and we haven't replaced our coping with other tools so junkie thinking creeps in and we find ourselves smoking again.
smoking is enjoyable so yes I am sure she does like it. it still brings with it once addicted things not to enjoy. it is like being in love with a partner that beats you. it is a best friend in lots of cases.
I spent a lot of time on smoking forums and please know your wife is very typical of a woman who stopped smoking because she pregnant and started again later.
you need the desire to quit for yourself. family, health and all might help motivate you, but for some, sadly the addiction is not rational and health or family is not reason enough. learning as much about the "ins and outs" of quitting so we don't fall back into the trap without even realizing it. I can't recommend a quit forum enough, full of great info and support.
A lot of it is habit, scocar. "Social smokers" have developed a habit of smoking when they go out drinking with friends because the brain starts expecting that nicotine hit when it's receiving all those happiness-inducing neurotransmitters.
It's what makes quitting so damn hard for a regular smoker. You start associating A LOT of things with smoking. Leaving the house in the morning, coffee, end of meals, driving, etc. When you quit, let's say you eat a burrito. A non-smoker or healed smoker will enjoy it (unless it's a crappy burrito) and go about his day. A smoker habitually lights one up after and a quitting smoker will get a damn strong urge to do so, because his brain isn't satisfied until it gets that nicotine hit.
I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. I'm far more "addicted" to the habits than I am to the product itself, as I don't smoke much.
I want to thank all the respectful posters that posted the helpful and insightful information. It's so much more helpful than being called a controlling jerk that just needs to accept my wife's smoking and not try and change her. I do realize that I have probably come off condescending to my wife. I realize that it being a turnoff, is not helpful when she may be dealing with an addiction or habit. Gosh knows I'm not perfect.
I think it was just that we've been together for 12 years with her not smoking. She convinced me that she detested the smell and thought of smoking. I NEVER even considered that she would ever start again. Then all of a sudden I find an empty pack of cigarettes in my car. It was like a kick to my gut. Like I didn't even really know the person I was married too. And having a very naive understanding of the addiction certainly did not help matters any.
scocar I felt so badly that I fell off the wagon and could not believe that I was so stupid to allow myself to get hooked again. I knew my husband would have a "kniption" as I had been clean for so long. I was very disappointed in myself and I was also extremely nervous to even try to quit again as I know how difficult detox is. to which is why I hid it. I
I don't doubt that your wife thinks/knows that smoking is stinky and that she would never want to smoke again, but the fact is addiction really doesn't care what the rational mind thinks. I would bet she is as shocked as you are to find she is smoking again.
I was so relieved when I was finally busted by my hubby. I was surprised when I found out that his reaction was him feeling sorry for me that I manage to get myself back in the pickle so to speak. I know he was mad and sad too but him feeling sorry for me and knowing I had some hard work ahead of me to quit, really helped.
A lot of it is habit, scocar. "Social smokers" have developed a habit of smoking when they go out drinking with friends because the brain starts expecting that nicotine hit when it's receiving all those happiness-inducing neurotransmitters.
It's what makes quitting so damn hard for a regular smoker. You start associating A LOT of things with smoking. Leaving the house in the morning, coffee, end of meals, driving, etc. When you quit, let's say you eat a burrito. A non-smoker or healed smoker will enjoy it (unless it's a crappy burrito) and go about his day. A smoker habitually lights one up after and a quitting smoker will get a damn strong urge to do so, because his brain isn't satisfied until it gets that nicotine hit.
I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. I'm far more "addicted" to the habits than I am to the product itself, as I don't smoke much.
I want to thank all the respectful posters that posted the helpful and insightful information. It's so much more helpful than being called a controlling jerk that just needs to accept my wife's smoking and not try and change her. I do realize that I have probably come off condescending to my wife. I realize that it being a turnoff, is not helpful when she may be dealing with an addiction or habit. Gosh knows I'm not perfect.
I think it was just that we've been together for 12 years with her not smoking. She convinced me that she detested the smell and thought of smoking. I NEVER even considered that she would ever start again. Then all of a sudden I find an empty pack of cigarettes in my car. It was like a kick to my gut. Like I didn't even really know the person I was married too. And having a very naive understanding of the addiction certainly did not help matters any.
Im glad you are starting to see how difficult this may be for your wife and that she finds what she needs within her to stop.
My mom was diagnosed with COPD. She pretended that she quit for over a year, but me and my siblings would find butts hidden in the concrete blocks outside the basement door and when she could no longer move around I would find them under tissue in the waste basket by her bed. When she died there was a mass on her lung as big as my fist. On the way to the funeral home my sis lit up a cig. A couple yrs. later she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She is a survivor, so far. Her husband still smokes in the house and around her. All the complaining, yelling, crying, preaching and pleading I did, did'nt convience any of them to stop smoking. I hope you have better luck.
Well she says she is quitting. In fact according to her she has already. But she also disagrees with all the points about her having an addiction. She does agree that it's a habit. It's hard to tell what will happen because when I first came across a pack she claimed it was a clients. Then when I found another pack she claimed she just had a few to relieve stress at work. She said they were given to her. Then I found a wrapper, and she said she had purchased one pack in the 2 1/2 months that we've been here. So who knows what the real truth is. But she is going to resume birth control now that the new jobs insurance has kicked in and she said that it's dangerous to smoke at her age (41), and take birth control at the same time. So she claims there is no way she will start again. We'll have to see.
The last thing any smoker wants to hear is "you have an addiction." Hell that applies to anyone addicted to anything. As truthful as it may be, it's usually more effective to tread carefully with the subject.
For instance, once in a while a friend will tell me "You should quit dude." I know it's cos they care about me, but it kind of irks me because there isn't really any way to respond other than "I know." If only it were so simple.
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