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So my wife used to be a smoker. In fact she smoked when we met. I hated it as it's a big turnoff for me. At first she slowed down and would only smoke at work and then occasionally when we went out. Then when she got pregnant with out daughter 12 years ago she stopped completely. I found out that she has started to smoke occasionally, again. Not around me, but I found a lighter laying around and then found an empty pack of cigarettes in the truck. She said it's because her job is very stressful and many of the other girls smoke as well, so it was easy to pick back up. Well obviously I don't want my wife doing something that turns me off. And I would hope neither does she.
The thing is I have a hard time explaining to her why I don't like it. It's really not because of the smell. My wife always has mints and I've never tasted cigarette smoke on her when kissing her. I know smoking is a big turnoff for a lot of people, so I thought maybe others could explain why.
So my wife used to be a smoker. In fact she smoked when we met. I hated it as it's a big turnoff for me. At first she slowed down and would only smoke at work and then occasionally when we went out. Then when she got pregnant with out daughter 12 years ago she stopped completely. I found out that she has started to smoke occasionally, again. Not around me, but I found a lighter laying around and then found an empty pack of cigarettes in the truck. She said it's because her job is very stressful and many of the other girls smoke as well, so it was easy to pick back up. Well obviously I don't want my wife doing something that turns me off. And I would hope neither does she.
The thing is I have a hard time explaining to her why I don't like it. It's really not because of the smell. My wife always has mints and I've never tasted cigarette smoke on her when kissing her. I know smoking is a big turnoff for a lot of people, so I thought maybe others could explain why.
The main reason why it's a turn off for me is the smell and taste. I'm confused why it's such a problem for you if you don't taste or smell anything.
So my wife used to be a smoker. In fact she smoked when we met. I hated it as it's a big turnoff for me. At first she slowed down and would only smoke at work and then occasionally when we went out. Then when she got pregnant with out daughter 12 years ago she stopped completely. I found out that she has started to smoke occasionally, again. Not around me, but I found a lighter laying around and then found an empty pack of cigarettes in the truck. She said it's because her job is very stressful and many of the other girls smoke as well, so it was easy to pick back up. Well obviously I don't want my wife doing something that turns me off. And I would hope neither does she.
The thing is I have a hard time explaining to her why I don't like it. It's really not because of the smell. My wife always has mints and I've never tasted cigarette smoke on her when kissing her. I know smoking is a big turnoff for a lot of people, so I thought maybe others could explain why.
If you don't taste it or ditect it on her she'd not smoking much.
The way I look at it, it's filthy, disgusting habit and you're basically taking your hard earned money and paying to poison yourself/give yourself disease.
I noticed you said that SHE said it was work stress. Wasn't that also her excuse for wanting to go out to the bar every Friday night? Maybe you need to have a discussion about her work situation, what's going on there, and why is she turning to smoking/going to the bar as her coping mechanism? If she's frustrated, there are healthier options to cope, or maybe she needs to make adjustments at work or get a new job? Sorry that's a little OT about smoking, but I'd still rather look at the root cause of why she's doing it again.
Or a grown adult being told by the one person in life who should treat them as an equal, and understand them, that they aren't allowed to do something they apparently enjoy ?
I'm guessing you live your life as pure as the driven snow that you feel empowered to tell other people what you don't like ?
You don't want her smoking, she doesn't want you being controlling.
Stalemate.
Battle of wits
First to flinch goes down...........................................
Forgive my lack of support, but all I read from your post is "I", "Me""I don't like it", "I found"
It seems this is all about you, are you more important than her ?
The way I look at it, it's filthy, disgusting habit and you're basically taking your hard earned money and paying to poison yourself/give yourself disease.
I noticed you said that SHE said it was work stress. Wasn't that also her excuse for wanting to go out to the bar every Friday night? Maybe you need to have a discussion about her work situation, what's going on there, and why is she turning to smoking/going to the bar as her coping mechanism? If she's frustrated, there are healthier options to cope, or maybe she needs to make adjustments at work or get a new job? Sorry that's a little OT about smoking, but I'd still rather look at the root cause of why she's doing it again.
Agreed and we have. She has put her resume out there as the job has ended up not being what she was anticipating at all. I agree with your first sentence, but her retort would be that she doesn't smoke enough for those to be a concern.
I try to explain that I just lose respect for someone that would decide to smoke. I feel sorry for those that started in high school when they were too immature to make good decisions and it's become a habit that they can't quit. But I have a hard time understanding a person taking it up again after not doing it for 12 years.
Or a grown adult being told by the one person in life who should treat them as an equal, and understand them, that they aren't allowed to do something they apparently enjoy ?
I'm guessing you live your life as pure as the driven snow that you feel empowered to tell other people what you don't like ?
You don't want her smoking, she doesn't want you being controlling.
Stalemate.
Battle of wits
First to flinch goes down...........................................
Forgive my lack of support, but all I read from your post is "I", "Me""I don't like it", "I found"
It seems this is all about you, are you more important than her ?
And somehow with all that I didn't come off 1/2 as arrogant and condescending as you did. People have turn-on's and turn-off's. It's pretty simple really. If I was into watching porn on the internet and it bothered her would you have the same response? What if she was not attracted to guys with facial hair and I decided to grow a beard?
The better question is why don't you try and be helpful, or don't respond.
I try to explain that I just lose respect for someone that would decide to smoke.
If she smoked when you met her, then whats the problem now?
I can see it being frustrating if she quit smoking for 12 yrs. and then picked them back up. Talk to her. There maybe more going on than what you realize. Good luck!
If she smoked when you met her, then whats the problem now?
I can see it being frustrating if she quit smoking for 12 yrs. and then picked them back up. Talk to her. There maybe more going on than what you realize. Good luck!
Well I didn't like it when I met her either. I had never dated anyone that smoked before. She just had so many other qualities that I loved that I made the best of it. I told her how I felt about it, but also told her that I didn't want her to quit and then resent me. It was a tough thing to deal with.
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