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This should be a common topic on this site but since most men just avoid such women, it seldom gets an airing. Women smokers often just have no idea what their dating problem is.
If young women knew how most men who don't smoke, detest women who do, they would never take it up.
Perhaps anti smoking advertising needs to address this. I've always thought that the only thing keeping the smoking habit alive is that it hasn't become "totally gross" in the view if young women.
So what are you reasons for detesting women that smoke? That is the point of my original post.
I hope you are not implying that is what I did. I thought I was pretty clear that I did not pressure my wife into quitting. She quit when she found out she was pregnant with our daughter. But I think it's patently unfair to rekindle a habit you had kicked 12 years ago just because you enjoy doing it. If I had given something up 12 years ago that I knew my spouse was against and was overjoyed that I had given up, I certainly would not start up again without some serious thought about her feelings on the subject.
She didn't give up smoking for YOU. She gave it up for the baby.
She is an adult and if she cares to return to her smoking habit, that is her choice to make. It has nothing in the world to do with you. At all. Period.
And do you appear arrogant and condescending to her ?
Have you ever stopped to think about that ?
You see, it's all about HOW we say things, rather than what we say.
How much different would my answer have seemed to you if it hadn't been quite so forthright ?
Whether you want to accept it or not, there is a lot of attitude in your original post, and, if I may be so bold as to say so, more than a hint of selfishness.
If you communicate with your wife in such a way, then it's likely to put her on the defensive straight off the bat, same as my post did to you.
Oh, how different your responses would be if you'd said, for example,
"my wife is a former smoker, recently, she's been under a lot of stress at work, and I think she has started smoking again. I'm aware of the long term health risks, I really care about her, but I can't seem to communicate with her about the issue, it's causing problems in our marriage now because we're at odds".
Instead, we get " She turns me off because she's smoking, "
And in support, "I can neither smell, not taste it, but it's disgusting anyway".
Then you get all defensive when challenged, and try to back it up with some lame comparisons, which would likely trigger a similar response from many people if voiced in such a seemingly self opinionated way.
Y'know, you're right. I'm not sure if I can help you.
I went back and read my OP. I'm not sure how you can say that my post was arrogant and condescending. I never said "she turns me off", I said "smoking is a turn-off". In fact you quoted me twice and both were misquotes. How ironic that you claim it's not what we say but rather how we say it, and then you twist my words to try and make them sound arrogant and condescending. But at least if you are going to put quotes around words, thus implying that they are exactly what I said, make sure they are my words, not your paraphrasing of them.
She didn't give up smoking for YOU. She gave it up for the baby.
She is an adult and if she cares to return to her smoking habit, that is her choice to make. It has nothing in the world to do with you. At all. Period.
20yrsinBranson
We are married. Everything she or I do has everything to with the other person. That's what a marriage is all about. We are raising kids together. What if my daughter wants to start smoking because she sees Mommy doing it? You are very short-sighted on what it means to be in a marriage.
Why? That's what I'm looking for. I don't know if I even know why smoking is a turn off. It just always has been.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
It is patently unfair to marry someone with the intention of "changing" them.
Smoking is not a turn off to me. In fact, I find the smell of FRESH cigarette smoke or cigar or pipe tobacco immensely sexy. When I met my husband he smoked. He has since quit, but I would never dream of trying to force him to smoke again just because I think it smells good.
Most people find smoking distasteful because the media preaches this to them. Most people cannot make up their own minds about anything and NEED the television to tell them what to think, do and say.
Kinda sad, actually.
20yrsinBranson
What are you a Public spokesperson for the tobacco companies? I don't need the tv to tell me way I don't like smokers. I don't want to die of cancer beacuse of somebody else's second hand smoke. I don't like women who smoke because usually their breath stinks. I don't like women who smoke because that smell gets into your clothes, your car, your house, your hair. I don't like women who smoke because I have allergies.
I think this is similar to how I feel. In addition I just get turned off when I see a female smoke. Sort of like I would if she lifted her leg up and farted. Or if she was chewing tobacco and spitting. These are all unattractive things to me and thus would be a turnoff. I just find it a very non-feminine looking act. Some guys don't feel the same way and that's fine, but to me the sight of a women smoking is very unattractive. So clearly it becomes an issue when my wife is doing things that I find unattractive.
I'm the same way with men who smoke. I do agree that it's more unattractive with women because it's a very un-ladylike habit, but it's also a big turn-off with men. I could spot a very handsome guy walking on the street, but as soon as he pulls out his cigarette, it's a huge turn-off to me and I immediately write him off. I don't know why, it just is.
The thing is I have a hard time explaining to her why I don't like it. It's really not because of the smell. My wife always has mints and I've never tasted cigarette smoke on her when kissing her. I know smoking is a big turnoff for a lot of people, so I thought maybe others could explain why.
I'm not quite understanding why you need to know why smoking is a turnoff (if it is) for us when it's you who does not like it and you who has to explain/justify it to her.
[unless you plan on copying and pasting our answers and hoping it sticks with her]
It is patently unfair to marry someone with the intention of "changing" them.
Smoking is not a turn off to me. In fact, I find the smell of FRESH cigarette smoke or cigar or pipe tobacco immensely sexy. When I met my husband he smoked. He has since quit, but I would never dream of trying to force him to smoke again just because I think it smells good.
Most people find smoking distasteful because the media preaches this to them. Most people cannot make up their own minds about anything and NEED the television to tell them what to think, do and say.
Kinda sad, actually.
20yrsinBranson
Funny you mentioned that. One of my fondest memories growing up, is my grandfather's tobacco smell and his comforting presence (he passed away a long time ago.) To those who don't understand, call it strange or disgusting, but that's the truth.
Funny you mentioned that. One of my fondest memories growing up, is my grandfather's tobacco smell and his comforting presence (he passed away a long time ago.) To those who don't understand, call it strange or disgusting, but that's the truth.
I can smell my fathers pipe tobacco to this day, and I am immediately transported back to my childhood, he passed away a long time ago, too.
I get it.
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