Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think it matters for most men and matters for me as well. There is a average number, but when that number gets high, I start to wonder to many things. Of course we live in the real world so there are STDs. Every girl i know that has a high number is, well a *****. They are also liars and cheaters. There isn't any way around it. Most girls with high numbers that I know have self esteem issues somewhere along the lines, and I wouldn't want to be with someone that gets lifted up by sleeping around, it screams trouble down the road.
I knew a girl that I really liked for a while, found out she was a virgin until 20 or so, and within 6 months slept with 6 different guys or so, even though her total was 7 or 8 all together. I was a bit disappointed I'll admit, but in the end it didn't stop me from dating her. (BTW her reasoning came down to not giving a **** and being hurt by the first guy who lied to her, so it was about some underlying issues and not just to bang just for the fun).
Indeed, I am a celibate of 33 years .. It is not easy, but I will not sleep around with girls.. There is such a thing as love without sex.. But sex is for marriage and marriage alone. I don't see the point of being in a "long-lasting relationship" if you are not going to get married. It just sounds like people who are not willing to commit and like to go search out relationships or sex escapades on the side. Really, if you are living with someone for a long period, why not marry? You are really confusing me.. Sex is reserved for two people who know they will spend the rest of their lives together and at least, in theory, plan on never leaving the other person for anyone else.
You're living in a dream world. Few people go into a relationship thinking it will be short term but things happen and people break up. Serial monogamy is very common.
The fact you are over the age of 30, celibate, never been married and have issues with your Mother's sexuality speak volumes about your psychological state of mind.
I would like to start another poll to counter that of Serentiy
How long has your marriage lasted and how many previous sex partners did you have?
That will be a new thread I start in honor of Serenity and others here. They have done viable studies proving that more sex partners a person has before marriage, the less likely they are to stay married for extended periods of time. I am not a Catholic, so please nobody make assumptions, However, they have found people who don't use birth control, but natural methods , like Natural Family Planning, tend to have more fulfilling sex lives and long and happier marriages.
It goes back to my cookie jar analogy on my other thread. In this society, people raide the cookie jar before eating the vegetables. They want their treats now and right now! Yet, they cannot understand when they get sick from indulging on the junk food and not eating the less appealing healthy food. Cookies (sex) were meant as a treat after you eat your meal (your marriage). However, many people throw away the meal and go for the cookies, just like an undisciplined little child.
Do me a favor and go blow your money on your "Christian therapist". Most therapists are mental cases themselvses. WHo has issues? I think it is you. I'm not a CHrisitan and rather not waste my time with Christian therapists Um.. I think any good Orthodox Jewish rabbi would understand why you would be upset that your father and mother were not virgins at marriage. In our religion, we are suppose to stay virgins at marriage and it is shameful not to be, both for men and women. Many parents would freak out to hear there son/daughter lost their virginity before marriage. So, why should it be so out of place if a child feels bad that their parents didn't uphold the mitzvah of virginity, that the parents expect them to uphold? I am sorry that your immorality makes you feel that I should visit a therapist to lower myself to your lower moral viewpoint. Perhaps, you should visit a rabbi? I can setup the appointment for you?
Sorry, I mistook you for a fundamentalist/evangelical Christian (thus the suggestion for a Christian therapist).
But apparently you are just a regular fundamentalist who out of need to control clings ever so tightly to your own beliefs and must malign others just to feel you are maintaining that control. It's kind of sad actually
I am not "going ballistic" or "ridiculing" you (though it is worth noting that a persecution complex is a sign on someone with issues - just sayin'...)
I actually agree with you about waiting to get to know someone for a long time before you engage in sex. Promiscuity IS a problem in our world.
And if two people value their virginal status enough to wait until marriage I completely support that - they will probably be much more committed and happily married in the long run than many others who engage in promiscuity.
For the record, my parents WERE virgins when they married.
But they were unable to remain married and eventually my mother did remarry.
I felt NONE - ZERO, ZILCH - of the disgust you claim people will feel for their parents when they have other sexual partners.
Whether you like it or not, you simply cannot take your own skewed view of sexuality and apply it to the rest of the world. Better stated - who died and left you in charge?
If you're dating a man/woman, does their number matter?
it does matter, but so do the situations and circumstances dealing with said number ...
Do you think you should be judged by the number of sexual partners you have?
no. nor should others. I am a very live and let live personality, so what others do or what my friends do I have little to no issue with. When it comes to my husband, I now do have an issue, but again, what were the circumstances that brought his number to the place where it is? Is he that same person today that he was then? Is he proud of his number? Is he admitting he was young and stupid? Am I any of those things?
as someone else said, it's not all black and white.....
Yes, I would want to eventually know. Actually, I would like to know before I sleep with her.
Yes, I hold myself to the same standard.
.....
It would be an interesting discussion, to be sure. And, of course, some context matters and so does age/situation.
For me, 5 or 6 is probably normal, and anything above that and I'd be bothered by.
By what age, may I ask? In certain areas (mostly metropolitan areas) people are waiting a lot longer to get married... If at all. So, that cuts out the possibility of marrying your H.S. sweetheart for 20 years...
What concerns me about this mentality, I am not even going to touch that "mystic" guy... let whatever woman wants him have him... But limiting to an appropriate/"normal" number to 5 or 6 as acceptable? Do you live in a smaller city???? I am not a personal advocate for whoring up the town every weekend, but I think placing anything within a "normal" range is... well... puritanical.
For some sex within a relationship is very important. Sexual chemistry and compatibility that is. Sexual chemistry and compatibility adds another level to a relationship. And if it is not there, well, it is very important to many people and can be a deciding factor... and some just never know.
I will also say this... I have a girlfriend who went through a divorce last year... Horrible divorce and it got very ugly. She married in her early 20s and was married for 18 years. She had two sex partners before her husband.... So a total of three.
I had a little devil on my shoulder and decided to introduce her to a friend of mine. He is a total player. Awesome man... but a player... totally knows how to work a woman and push those buttons during the courtship. Three dates/dinners/nights out later (I was beginning to wonder if he lost his touch) she walks into my office at work the next morning and I just knew. The woman was 40+ and has never had a real orgasm until that night. There is a difference in feeling good and a "Pow, I stopped breathing for 30 seconds". I think I have created a monster and all I can say? Good for her!
We advocate experience if every part of our lives... But sex and relationships. I honestly have never understood that.
Someone can have sex with 100 people and be horrible at relationships and life and that is the reason why their numbers are that high. No one wants to stick around.
There is a flip side...
Someone can have sex with 100 people and be downright awesome at relationships and life and there is a reason why. They are wanted.
Same goes from any numerical value of "normal" up and down that scale.
You're living in a dream world. Few people go into a relationship thinking it will be short term but things happen and people break up. Serial monogamy is very common.
The fact you are over the age of 30, celibate, never been married and have issues with your Mother's sexuality speak volumes about your psychological state of mind.
Take lovesMountain's advice and see a therapist.
Psychological state of minds?? My mother's sexuality? You better just leave my mother sexuality of your conversation.. Seriously, there is a line you just don't cross.
Since when does being a 30 year old religious celibate who is never married mean you have psychological problems? I guess every Catholic priest, many Hindu and Buddhist monks must be all mentality deranged. Oh wait, you have listed that you are a FEMINIST, ATHEIST.. Oh wow.. Well then, I think in your opinion all religious people have psychological problems. I'm sure if I was a boozing party animal, who slept around with lots of different girls and I said I hate religion, you would think I am an alright guy.
Personally, I think anyone who is an atheist has sever psychological problems. Really, even Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology/psychiatry said that people who refuse to believe in God will suffer from mental problems and never feel any real fulfillment in their lives.
Djuna, if you want to sit down and talk, I am here to listen. Despite, my disagreement with yours and Serenity's lifestyle, I do care and love for all people. Please don't hide behind therapists, prozac and psychology when people don't hold the same moral standard as you in relations to promiscuity.
BTW.. I am hard working, I don't get drunk, don't get in fights, don't sleep around with girls, I have donated my own money and time to help orphans and widows in Africa. Yes, I am sure in your eyes I fit the profile of a psychologically disturbed individual. Djuna, I wish I could be normal like you, with your one-night stands and many broken relationships.
I wonder how long and fulfill of a marriage you have had? Do you remember the names of all people who you shared your body with? Being a normal person, I sure hope you haven't! According to your logic anyhow
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
And if two people value their virginal status enough to wait until marriage I completely support that - they will probably be much more committed and happily married in the long run than many others who engage in promiscuity.
Well, I am glad finally somebody agrees with me.. Even if they do hate me otherwise.. That was the message I was trying to convey.. Lucky for you, you didn't say you're religious.. Had you said that, everyone would be attacking you as well.. I like that term you coined , "Persecution Complex".. I have to add that to my list.
Indeed, I am a celibate of 33 years .. It is not easy, but I will not sleep around with girls.. There is such a thing as love without sex.. But sex is for marriage and marriage alone. I don't see the point of being in a "long-lasting relationship" if you are not going to get married. It just sounds like people who are not willing to commit and like to go search out relationships or sex escapades on the side. Really, if you are living with someone for a long period, why not marry? You are really confusing me.. Sex is reserved for two people who know they will spend the rest of their lives together and at least, in theory, plan on never leaving the other person for anyone else.
Okay, we're in completely different places (you're an Orthodox Jew -shomer negiah?-, I'm an atheist who was a Catholic as a child), but let me remind you that, for many of us, being married doesn't equal being more committed or more faithful to our partners. They're unrelated things.
My SO and I are happy together and I hope this will last forever. Why should we get married? I understand how many people, religious or not, think it's a very special thing to do but the truth is that it most often says nothing about your future together. Many married couples will end up getting divorced. Countless married individuals have extramarital affairs or pay for sex (this is nothing new: it has always happened). Marriage guarantees nothing: what makes a bond stronger is a blend of personal integrity, honesty, communication and mutual agreement.
Another thing: You say there is love without sex. Of course there is. There is sex without love, too. I'm not a huge fan (I've tried both and sex with love works better for me), but many perfectly moral people find it entirely satisfactory.
Psychological state of minds?? My mother's sexuality? You better just leave my mother sexuality of your conversation.. Seriously, there is a line you just don't cross.
Since when does being a 30 year old religious celibate who is never married mean you have psychological problems? I guess every Catholic priest, many Hindu and Buddhist monks must be all mentality deranged. Oh wait, you have listed that you are a FEMINIST, ATHEIST.. Oh wow.. Well then, I think in your opinion all religious people have psychological problems. I'm sure if I was a boozing party animal, who slept around with lots of different girls and I said I hate religion, you would think I am an alright guy.
Personally, I think anyone who is an atheist has sever psychological problems. Really, even Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology/psychiatry said that people who refuse to believe in God will suffer from mental problems and never feel any real fulfillment in their lives.
Djuna, if you want to sit down and talk, I am here to listen. Despite, my disagreement with yours and Serenity's lifestyle, I do care and love for all people. Please don't hide behind therapists, prozac and psychology when people don't hold the same moral standard as you in relations to promiscuity.
BTW.. I am hard working, I don't get drunk, don't get in fights, don't sleep around with girls, I have donated my own money and time to help orphans and widows in Africa. Yes, I am sure in your eyes I fit the profile of a psychologically disturbed individual. Djuna, I wish I could be normal like you, with your one-night stands and many broken relationships.
I wonder how long and fulfill of a marriage you have had? Do you remember the names of all people who you shared your body with? Being a normal person, I sure hope you haven't! According to your logic anyhow
I don't think you're a bad person at all. I just think you have some unresolved issues around sex. Lots of people do.
And yes, I remember very person I had sex with...in lots of detail too BTW. Even those who paid me for sex
By what age, may I ask? In certain areas (mostly metropolitan areas) people are waiting a lot longer to get married... If at all. So, that cuts out the possibility of marrying your H.S. sweetheart for 20 years...
What concerns me about this mentality, I am not even going to touch that "mystic" guy... let whatever woman wants him have him... But limiting to an appropriate/"normal" number to 5 or 6 as acceptable? Do you live in a smaller city???? I am not a personal advocate for whoring up the town every weekend, but I think placing anything within a "normal" range is... well... puritanical.
For some sex within a relationship is very important. Sexual chemistry and compatibility that is. Sexual chemistry and compatibility adds another level to a relationship. And if it is not there, well, it is very important to many people and can be a deciding factor... and some just never know.
I will also say this... I have a girlfriend who went through a divorce last year... Horrible divorce and it got very ugly. She married in her early 20s and was married for 18 years. She had two sex partners before her husband.... So a total of three.
I had a little devil on my shoulder and decided to introduce her to a friend of mine. He is a total player. Awesome man... but a player... totally knows how to work a woman and push those buttons during the courtship. Three dates/dinners/nights out later (I was beginning to wonder if he lost his touch) she walks into my office at work the next morning and I just knew. The woman was 40+ and has never had a real orgasm until that night. There is a difference in feeling good and a "Pow, I stopped breathing for 30 seconds". I think I have created a monster and all I can say? Good for her!
We advocate experience if every part of our lives... But sex and relationships. I honestly have never understood that.
Someone can have sex with 100 people and be horrible at relationships and life and that is the reason why their numbers are that high. No one wants to stick around.
There is a flip side...
Someone can have sex with 100 people and be downright awesome at relationships and life and there is a reason why. They are wanted.
Same goes from any numerical value of "normal" up and down that scale.
wonderful post .... spot on
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Um.. I think any good Orthodox Jewish rabbi would understand why you would be upset that your father and mother were not virgins at marriage. In our religion, we are suppose to stay virgins at marriage and it is shameful not to be, both for men and women. Many parents would freak out to hear there son/daughter lost their virginity before marriage. So, why should it be so out of place if a child feels bad that their parents didn't uphold the mitzvah of virginity, that the parents expect them to uphold? I am sorry that your immorality makes you feel that I should visit a therapist to lower myself to your lower moral viewpoint. Perhaps, you should visit a rabbi? I can setup the appointment for you?
