Why did you divorce? (children, pregnant, personality, affair)

[metamorphosis]

Originally Posted by srjth

For those of you who are divorced, why did you divorce?

I divorced my husband (several years ago), because

1. I had the responsibility to tell him that things needed to change, but he didn't take his share of the responsibility to do any changing.

2. The TV and his truck were of more importance.

3. He decided that showering and brushing his teeth were down on his list of priorities, right along with me. (I'm not sure if I came just before or just after hygiene on the priority list.)

4. The love was gone long before I divorced him.

5. I thought that we were just in a low spot in our relationship, but over several years, it wasn't getting better. There were no more high spots.

[jillabean]

Good thread!

My Ex was bi-sexual and cheating on me. He had been cheating since before we were married (I didn't figure it out until after we were married). Stupid thing for me, I loved him so much I didn't want to leave him... I couldn't. I tried talking to him about it, but he was military and said that if we did counseling or anything he could be court martialed and dishonorably discharged (this was years ago). I believed him, bit my tongue and tried to cope with it.. all the while hoping I would win him over and win his loyalty.

Years passed (and surprise) nothing changed. He always had someone on the side. Yeah, I was naive. But I grew bitter in that time and cold towards him. Still, I wouldn't leave. But he could sense my coldness I think.

Finally, when he got out of the military I put my foot down and said we needed to go to counseling--there were no more excuses. He agreed and went with me, but he didn't like what he was being told (for some reason, in his mind sleeping with men wasn't an affair--I still can't understand that). I came home from work one day and he told me that the marriage wasn't working for him anymore and he wanted a divorce.

We separated for over a year. After a year of healing and limbo... I wanted it to be over. I filed for the divorce.

I don't hate my Ex, the way I see it... he did wrong and so did I. Yes he cheated, but I was cold and didn't confront him early on and didn't stand up for myself. I learned from it (I hope).

I am glad he asked me for the divorce and I am glad I was finally able to file. It was the best thing he could ever do because I don't think I could have left him and I don't think he ever could have stopped cheating.

[John13]

She wanted to live out her fantasy to have sex with Asian men.

Later diagnosed with bi-polar.

No arguments or problems until toward the end. We were together for 8 years.

[prettygreeneyes]

Wow @ this thread. So many halos in here...
The other party is always to blame. Lol

[jillabean]

Originally Posted by prettygreeneyes

Wow @ this thread. So many halos in here...
The other party is always to blame. Lol

It's true that in a lot of cases things aren't always so black and white (I never claimed mine was). I agree with you there. But it takes two people to hold a marriage together. One person alone can delay things, but can't really stop a divorce when it comes if the other person doesn't make an effort too.

[beachmel]

Originally Posted by prettygreeneyes

Wow @ this thread. So many halos in here...
The other party is always to blame. Lol

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the folks who do the screwing around or were simply the arseholes in the relationship, don't want to come on here and admit who and what they are. Most likely, that's the same personality traits that caused the marriage to fail in the first place.

[124c41]

I've had two, and both marriages were entered into without either of us really knowing our partner, or what marriage means. Marriage is so much more complicated than most realize, and both my wives, as well as myself were unaware of the dedication, understanding and commitment that goes hand in hand with love in making a marriage last. In hindsight, we were too young, too naïve, and too impulsive.

[Andi61]

He punched me in the face, choked me, tore my hair out, smashed beer cans off my head, and tried to suffocate me. I ran and let him divorce me. 20 years ago, and its still tough.

[Andi61]

Wow. I did not mean to shut this thread down! Sorry guys. I think its a very useful discussion.

[Miss J 74]

I made the mistake of getting married knowing that we shouldn't have. I married him because he was "safe" even though that wasn't what I truly wanted. I take responsibility for my own actions. However, we were both at fault. We both wanted the other to be a different person. He wanted me to be more domesticated, which I wasn't at the time. He knew this going into the relationship. I wanted him to be more communicative, open and sexually experimental. He wouldn't even french kiss me. He couldn't figure out why I wanted his tongue in my mouth.

His lack of communication on major issues was the biggest problem. When I brought up counseling, he refused. I would try to communicate calmly with him instead of nagging and he would shut down and walk away. There were things going on that I wasn't even aware of. He was about to file bankruptcy and didn't even tell me. Had I known, I would have helped him and we could have worked it out. Instead, he chose to handle it by shutting down and lashing out at me whenever I asked about anything that involved money (like what we were planning to do on our anniversary). When I realized nothing was going to change, I shut down in my own way. I'm not proud of it, but I started an emotional affair. But by the time this happened, I had already informed him I was going to move out. Not the best solution, but like others said, I had checked out at that point.

We're on good terms now, he's remarried with kids and I'm with a man I can see myself marrying. We both learned from our mistakes. He said he communicates more now and I've calmed down and stopped nagging and arguing. Going through the divorce taught us both about what a marriage is really supposed to be about.