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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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bottom line is it's one's desire to feel wanted and desired again and the desire to make their s/o feel the same. You don't can't reach that understanding, if you can't get the other to hear you, bad things will happen. Human nature and desire is stronger than the man-made laws inflicted on us. Fix your problems or accept the consequences. It takes both involved.
How about the case where he's not spending the money on bills but rather, recreational vehicles on himself; snowmobiles, a boat, a brand new 35k dollar pickup....?
Great point - I agree. Once again. . . . . .leave the relationship so that what happens next is not cheating.
Oh, wait. We are back to "reasons" for cheating again. So in addition to reason 01: seeking love and affection. I will now add
02 he is not spending money on bills
03 is buying recreational vehicles for himself (snomobiles, boat, 35k pickup)
Yep, just cite that as a potential reason and proceed with cheating. Makes sense.
It depends totally on the reason behind the behavior. For some people, it's just who they are, and no amount of anything done or not done by a partner is going to change that.
IMO.. men cheat for different reasons than women. Men cheat for the sex, women usually cheat for the companionship or love (not necessarily sex) they are not getting at home.
It's not about the person who is being cheated on doing something different in the relationship or changing that could ever alter whether or not person they are with will cheat.
The core, and fundamental elements that determine if someone is going to be a cheater and engage in infidelity are entirely and completely about the person doing the cheating. It could be defined as a combination of personality and character traits that when existing together, along with certain social aspects and a physical (neuro-chemical/biochemical) predisposition to cheating or infidelity. In terms of a persons character they include: lack of integrity, self absorbed, little or no risk from remorse and or a significant lack of empathy (for the person they are cheating on) and moderate to extreme narcissim, in the clinical sense of the term. And they are also good liars with an innate ability decieve and manipulate.
Having been cheated on by my now ex-husband, I have spent time exploring the demise of our marriage, and my conclusion is what I quoted above, that it's not anything I did or didn't do, it is a choice he made all on his own. I suppose it helps that in hindsight, my ex admitted to me that it wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything to "make" him cheat.
If you aren't happy in your marriage/relationship, you either fix it, or leave, but only a weak character would cheat and have someone else lined up to run to.
Seriously question; Is there anything your s/o or spouse could do that would absolutely change your mind about cheating on him/her? Or is it just something that's going to happen because it's what you crave?
Um, no one can control another person. That includes with jealousy or spying or being extra nice or giving more sex.
If someone is going to cheat, they will find a way to do it and a way to justify it.
Seriously question; Is there anything your s/o or spouse could do that would absolutely change your mind about cheating on him/her? Or is it just something that's going to happen because it's what you crave?
I think it sort of like...killers. You may be able to prevent a person from becoming a murderer...but you won't stop a serial killer.
So of the normal people that may cheat but are not serial cheaters: I think you can meet them halfway. Everyone cheats for different reasons in the details but its due to lacking a connection that fulfills the other person. That can be worked on or worked out to a place where cheating isn't necessarily. It may be a problem that should be an end point though rather than a growing/mending point as a partnership.
Cheating oftentimes has nothing to do with sex. People who are incliend to cheat will invariably find a way to do so. Those who aren't cheaters will not. I realize this sound simplistic, but it's true.
I've known countless married people where one of the partners was sexually frustrated, either by lack of frequency or lack of variety. None of them cheated or would ever do so. I've also known married couples who claimed to have great sex lives at home who cheated anyhow.
Long-term marriages almost always have highs and lows. And frequency of sex can ebb and flow depending upon real life issues which intrude on any marriage. If the two people love each other and are committed to each other, no cheating occurs, even in the lean times.
How about the case where he's not spending the money on bills but rather, recreational vehicles on himself; snowmobiles, a boat, a brand new 35k dollar pickup....?
Who makes the money? In my marriage these problems were ironed out before we married. So, to me they are an excuse. If I bought a 35K pickup, my wife wouldn't say a word, because I would be spending my money, not hers. She bought a new Volvo recently. That was her choice, and it's her car, and I could care less. My car is a Chevy Suburban, but I also own two pickup trucks. We do discuss what we plan to buy, but we don't have to. Personally, I would never cheat on my wife for any reason. I would divorce her first, but that wouldn't be very likely either... She is as good as it gets, I'm lucky.
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For potential or accomplished cheaters
