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You divorce someone because they are drunks or drug addicts or they abuse you physically, mentally and/or psychologically. You don't divorce them because they won't move to Alaska with you. You can't always be on the same page, moving in the same direction with your SO, that's simply unreasonable. No-one is always in perfect sync.
Compromising isn't that difficult when you love someone.
OMG, thank you! After reading this thread I was thinking not many believe in commitment anymore.
The OP has about 50 or more years of life.
Want him to be miserable?
How many people go to jobs that they hate because they have "commitments?" How much time can you spend unhappy because you're committed to another?
If you change, you change.
It happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elikhom
Poor girl, she married a quitter.
You could say the same thing about her.
Poor guy, he married a stick in the mud.
I guess I'm with the crowd that thinks this girl is way too tied to extended family, some of whom would probably jump at the chance to move to Alaska with a spouse but have never been given the chance.
Alaska would not be somewhere I would want to live, but if I was married and my husband was sent there for work for a few years you bet your bottom dollar I'd go with him. If he wanted to make it permanent, it might be an issue but that's where compromise comes in. I'll move to Alaska for x number of years, but we are not retiring there, and the next move needs to be somewhere that I want to live, and that he won't be totally miserable.
If the guy is going to pout and be all sulky if he can't go to Alaska, and his wife is going to pout and be miserable if she's away from her family and neither is willing to budge, then the only option will be divorce and both will soon see that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.
I think they should both move somewhere else in the lower 48, Alaska is not the only state with snow, hiking, and outdoorsy stuff.
In my mind, the only good reason to divorce is if you want to be single. Do you really want to be single again? Only you can answer that question. Single does equal freedom but it also means you give up the benefits of marriage, such as readily available companionship, support, sex, and other things. Yes, a single person can have those things with someone but it may take a long time to find the right person. Are you prepared to wait a long time?
Also, it's a good idea to look at an idea from all angles. It sounds like you have romanticized Alaskan life and the single life as well. Take a step back and look at all the things that may go wrong in a new life. For example:
You're newly divorced. You've made the move to Alaska and you're now settling in. Do you already have friends/family in Alaska? If not, you're completely on your own with no one to lean on during tough times. Do you have employment? If not, you're in a tough job market in a bad economy.
You mention being curious about other women, having missed out on dating while you were young. Alaska is a tough place for men because of the disparity in numbers between men and women. You're going to be competing with a whole lot of rough and rugged Alaskan dudes for the top available women. Are you up to the challenge? Are you handsome, buff, charming? If not, you'll be at a distinct disadvantage and may be in for a lot of long lonely nights.
If things don't go as you planned, you'll be in a harsh, cold environment, with few friends and not much chance for romance. Your old married life may not seem so bad at that point but don't assume you can always go back. Your ex may have moved on very well without you and may not have any interest in involvement with you anymore.
My point is not to throw downers your way but to urge you to look at the potential pitfalls with any actions you take. Ultimately, only you can decide the right course of action but do so without blinders and keep your eyes open to everything that may happen.
OMG, thank you! After reading this thread I was thinking not many believe in commitment anymore.
I believe in commitment. Probably to my detriment most of the time. But, when commitment becomes so one-sided, I wonder about the mental state of those who would stay.
When I get crap kicked in my face, and stay because I'm "committed", who becomes the fool then? I guess I could then stand on my pedestal and proclaim that I'm "committed", but I would expect to be asked "at what mental hospital?".
I believe in commitment. Probably to my detriment most of the time. But, when commitment becomes so one-sided, I wonder about the mental state of those who would stay.
When I get crap kicked in my face, and stay because I'm "committed", who becomes the fool then? I guess I could then stand on my pedestal and proclaim that I'm "committed", but I would expect to be asked "at what mental hospital?".
But this is not the case, even from his own mouth you can read that there are no problems besides the fact that he doesn't want to be with her as much and he want to go to Alaska and do all this stuff he has been missing out on. I mean, really? If he wants a divorce he can do it, luckily there are no kids, but he's not getting any sympathy from me.
But this is not the case, even from his own mouth you can read that there are no problems besides the fact that he doesn't want to be with her as much and he want to go to Alaska and do all this stuff he has been missing out on. I mean, really? If he wants a divorce he can do it, luckily there are no kids, but he's not getting any sympathy from me.
Actually, from what I've read, she wants what she wants, and to heck with what he thought prior to marriage, and even afterward.
But, regardless, you're right, he can walk with little baggage. And, I can't help but thinking, "better now than down the road".
As far as "sympathy" on this board...that's a laugh. People think what they think, and it is what it is. There should be a strong disclaimer on this forum before people post. If someone is as desperate to write something like this on a message board, they should know beforehand that they're going to get flamed. Yeah, well, it is what it is.
If he doesn't want to be with her, there's your answer.
But that's not what he said, is it?
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