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Yes. OK. I agree you should be respectful to your parents (really, every human being if you can manage) but tell me your opinion on where the line is drawn when parents are disrespectful to their children.
You're right, kids can be really crummy to their folks. And some parents are indeed screamers. I think we may not know enough background on the OP to speculate all the possibilities although I'm glad that she realized she went too far. BUT, back to my question...when parents are overly disrespectful to their kids, at what point do you realize that there is no real relationship until that shifts.
IDK, just throwing it out there...
If you're over 18 years old, you move out. It's really that simple. You suck it up, don't get drawn into confrontation and get out. That mentality is incredibly useful in other situations in life as well, jobs, for instance. Sometimes you have to suck it up until you have other options. You never "bite the hand that feeds you" while you're living under someone else's roof. If you don't live with those parents and they are completely rude, disrespectful and confrontational, you simply stay away from them. Lots of people do it.
I politely and respectfully disagree with the posters who have insinuated that Sydney is the party at fault for the exchange with her mother. Under normal circumstances, the adage of respecting one's parents is what should be followed. However, there are notable exceptions to that rule, particularly if a person is unfortunate enough to have parents who are repeatedly physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive. And Sydney has every right to stand up to her mother by being assertive verbally back to her, if her mother was verbally abusing her, before her mother proceeded to burn her (i.e., physical abuse). But blaming Sydney is for the incident as some have done here is simply unfair.
Yes, if you're over 18, you can remove yourself from the situation. I removed myself at 14 when I decided to live with my father. However, if you have that pull to be close to your mom b/c that's what you think is normal, there is the ever-present conflict of how to deal with them. I agree with your assessment that you should stay away...BUT...
I have a sister that has taken my mother's place in the "crap" department. We are currently not speaking to each other (my choice). We live 20 minutes away from each other and I will not go near her. For the last 20 years, we've had this same cycle. She lays ALL of her crap on me, smothering me with hate and poison. If I voice a conflicting opinion, or try to help her get out of a mess, or just try to listen w/o judgment, she will suck me down that black hole of hate quicker than you can blink an eye. I have asked, pleaded, begged her to have a heart and watch her mouth, but everything is my fault so she didn't do anything wrong. OK, I walked away.
But all of my family members, knowing how she is even, give me a hard time for not helping poor little sister (although she's 10 years older than me) who can't understand why I've cut her out of my life. The last time I caved and said I will go help her, it only took a month before she was back at it. I won't fall for it again but I still receive loads of nonsense from others and those that she talks to who believe the lies she spreads.
Oh, this isn't my issue...back to the OP...all I'm saying is that she can walk away right now but she will still struggle b/c it's a crappy situation. Her mother and family don't even know that something is wrong...and I agree with Knight who says it isn't her fault. The woman sounds young enough to maybe not know how to deal with a crazy person...unfortunately, it took physical abuse for her to see that what her mother is doing is wrong.
To the OP: Your whole family needs help. PLEASE remove yourself from that house. Burning someone on purpose is NEVER acceptable and if you are a minor she could be charged by DCS. (and all minors removed from the house during the investigation)
Never ask strangers about your relationship with your immediate relatives.
Girlfriend/boyfriend affairs are fine. But this place is a hotbed of bizarre people who think their Dads/Moms ruined/manipulated their lives.
Parents make mistakes... These bizarre people, grew up in strange, less than normal situations and not hard to spot who they are by their posts.
You'll find alcohol, drugs, abuse, dysfunction and an array of personality disorders passed on genetically or affected by exposure influencing their adult relationships.
The degree which the experiences affects each person and their adult life vary. To think it doesn't is unrealistic.
How you handle the past as an adult becomes your own responsibility to yourself, however, it doesn't change how and from who your bizarre nature was acquired.
yeah both parties are at fault. Sydney's mom is totally out of order but sydney gets a share of the blame for being a disrespectful child. A parent is a parent no matter how wrong they are...the least you could have done was walk away or avoid her for a few before the situation escalates...anyway...i feel for you.
Yes, if you're over 18, you can remove yourself from the situation. I removed myself at 14 when I decided to live with my father. However, if you have that pull to be close to your mom b/c that's what you think is normal, there is the ever-present conflict of how to deal with them. I agree with your assessment that you should stay away...BUT...
I have a sister that has taken my mother's place in the "crap" department. We are currently not speaking to each other (my choice). We live 20 minutes away from each other and I will not go near her. For the last 20 years, we've had this same cycle. She lays ALL of her crap on me, smothering me with hate and poison. If I voice a conflicting opinion, or try to help her get out of a mess, or just try to listen w/o judgment, she will suck me down that black hole of hate quicker than you can blink an eye. I have asked, pleaded, begged her to have a heart and watch her mouth, but everything is my fault so she didn't do anything wrong. OK, I walked away.
But all of my family members, knowing how she is even, give me a hard time for not helping poor little sister (although she's 10 years older than me) who can't understand why I've cut her out of my life. The last time I caved and said I will go help her, it only took a month before she was back at it. I won't fall for it again but I still receive loads of nonsense from others and those that she talks to who believe the lies she spreads.
Oh, this isn't my issue...back to the OP...all I'm saying is that she can walk away right now but she will still struggle b/c it's a crappy situation. Her mother and family don't even know that something is wrong...and I agree with Knight who says it isn't her fault. The woman sounds young enough to maybe not know how to deal with a crazy person...unfortunately, it took physical abuse for her to see that what her mother is doing is wrong.
Ahhh similar situation here. I removed myself from "the situation" at 16. Also similar is the situation with the older sister and many of hubby's siblings. Yeah... after a while, you finally say, "Not my problem! Not my kids...YOUR kids and not only am I not going to be their enabler any longer, but I'm not going to be their whipping post either." If other family doesn't like it, they can join the ranks of the "outsiders". It's really not that tough. All you have to do is say, "NO MORE!" No one can make you feel bad without your consent. You must give them that power. No one can make you feel guilty, especially for doing the right thing.
Once you reach adulthood, parents flat out do not have any control over your life, unless you let them. My husband was my FIL's guilted SLAVE for many years. His kids constantly came to their father with their needs and problems, he immediately came to my husband and bullied and guilted him into taking care of his siblings. Half of those siblings were older than my husband and I. Eventually, there came a time where hubby got sick of putting his own family last, in order to take care of my FIL's children. He started saying, "I'm busy....sorry!" and "I'm sorry, we just don't have any extra to give (again)." Eventually, his siblings grew up a bit and started learning to take care of themselves.
Ahhh similar situation here. I removed myself from "the situation" at 16. Also similar is the situation with the older sister and many of hubby's siblings. Yeah... after a while, you finally say, "Not my problem! Not my kids...YOUR kids and not only am I not going to be their enabler any longer, but I'm not going to be their whipping post either." If other family doesn't like it, they can join the ranks of the "outsiders". It's really not that tough. All you have to do is say, "NO MORE!" No one can make you feel bad without your consent. You must give them that power. No one can make you feel guilty, especially for doing the right thing.
I here you, graduated at 17 and left. I only have myself to blame for the many years of continued contact that followed in hope something would change, it never happened. 3 yrs ago and under some nasty circumstances said, thats it, I'm done.
I here you, graduated at 17 and left. I only have myself to blame for the many years of continued contact that followed in hope something would change, it never happened. 3 yrs ago and under some nasty circumstances said, thats it, I'm done.
Don't you finally have to ask yourself, "How will I feel worse, having them not talk to me, because they can no longer manipulate me....OR....me, constantly feeling used, taken advantage of, AND badmouthed by the very people my parents are guilting me into helping...over and over and over again....year after year? Pissed at me or me pissed at them? Them resenting me/us or me/us resenting them?"
You finally realize that there's a whole lot more energy and life wasted if you just stand your ground, make a seperate life for your family, apart from them. The constant feelings of resentment that YOU feel when you're put down, used and taken advantage of eventually takes its toll. Eventually, when you realize that they're not calling or coming around, because they can't manipulate you any more.....the awareness that they NEVER had respect for you in the first place, sets in and it's relief!
Don't you finally have to ask yourself, "How will I feel worse, having them not talk to me, because they can no longer manipulate me....OR....me, constantly feeling used, taken advantage of, AND badmouthed by the very people my parents are guilting me into helping...over and over and over again....year after year? Pissed at me or me pissed at them? Them resenting me/us or me/us resenting them?"
You finally realize that there's a whole lot more energy and life wasted if you just stand your ground, make a seperate life for your family, apart from them. The constant feelings of resentment that YOU feel when you're put down, used and taken advantage of eventually takes its toll. Eventually, when you realize that they're not calling or coming around, because they can't manipulate you any more.....the awareness that they NEVER had respect for you in the first place, sets in and it's relief!
Well not financial help, but yeah, all about them, what you can do to help them or make their life easier. I was always the scapegoat and after I had my own family, they were treated the same. My mother had a huge influence over the family, my father was good man, but they both had alcohol issues and she had mental health problems as well.
When I was in an abusive relationship and then stalked, their backs were turned and I can tell you it was serious enough to make the paper. I could write a book on my family, I bet you could too. My life is less drama filled without them, so no regrets.
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Parents make mistakes... These bizarre people, grew up in strange, less than normal situations and not hard to spot who they are by their posts. 
