Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was single, I very rarely dated women who had kids. The time involved is not worth it.
He is not only going to always be second, but a VERY distant second.
"Wanna go out on a date tonight? Sorry, I can't, the baby sitter called in sick and I can't find another."
"How about I take you and the kids out to the Zoo. Sorry, Bobby can't stand the zoo he's scared of the Elephants right now, and the baby will get too tired to quickly."
"Wanna get a kid-friendly movie, order some pizza and have a family night in? Oh... Jenny is lactose intolerant, Francis can't stand red sauce, and Jillian is going through a "vegan" phase."
Her focus will always be on the kid's welfare and more importantly THEIR needs and wants no matter what. Which I understand is as it should be, but what guy wants to deal with that drama? Where does he get the time to really capture her heart? How will the kids react to him (especially when older, "You're not my Dad!") If he tries to win the kid's hearts instead, what does that bode for winning their mother's heart?
Relationships of any type are a give and take two way road. Single mothers with kids take more then they give.
And quite honestly, by removing the one thing that interests guys, that is sex, you're reducing that pool of gentlemen even further. You're removing a major chance to really get the guy to connect with you on an emotional level.
You just haven't found what you are looking for yet. In that age range, I am sure there are plenty of men who are also single fathers, so the kids thing shouldn't be an issue (unless those fathers don't want their kids either, so that's a whole other story) Honestly, it seems your problem is that you are dating guys who want to have sex earlier than you would like, and that is a problem you would have even if you didn't have kids.
And quite honestly, by removing the one thing that interests guys, that is sex, you're reducing that pool of gentlemen even further. You're removing a major chance to really get the guy to connect with you on an emotional level.
She has not said she's a prude, she just doesn't sleep around, which is a great tool to weed out the ones that are looking for one-night stands only.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
Honestly, it seems your problem is that you are dating guys who want to have sex earlier than you would like, and that is a problem you would have even if you didn't have kids.
Agree. I am single with no kids and experienced this ALL of 2011! Those that I dated last year lived by the "three date rule" bs. I do not sleep with a man within 3 dates, and those who expect it are gone after that. The right man will wait for the right time, physical intimacy is not something that you plan. It happens. One of the men I dated last year had the cojones to tell me that if a woman didn't sleep with a man by the second or third date, that she would never do it because "well women use men for free food." I told him that I was very sorry that he was used to dating women who obviously didn't know where their food pantries were . I then got up and left.
OP, don't lower your standards. There's somebody for everybody, it's just like that song from Michael Buble...You just haven't met him yet.
Let me just say that its not like Im going out constantly on dates
MAYBE once or twice a month if that. And I would certainly not just leave my kids without making sure they were fed, homework done, not sick...come on people this is not Teen mom here.
Im an adult and I act as such. As I previously stated I don't date guys under 28. Really not under 30 I prefer like 30-39. Even if I had no kids I wouldn't date someone younger than me. In regards to men's financial status, I can adequately support my kids myself. Even though I have a child support order, their father is unemployed so Im not getting anything. I am not seeking a man who could support my kids, my only requirement for a man, financially, is that he has a job.
One thing ive learned from being a part of this forum is that when you open threads...you risk getting good and bad advise. My suggestion is to ignore the ones that are clearly off base and focus on those that are actually trying to help....
In reference to your age requirement...I have a question. What if the right gentleman for you happens to be under 30? Do you realize that you are limiting your options by making your selection about age and not based on compatibility! There are tons of mature under 30s (may be not in the Boston area ) and equally lots of immature over 30's. I'd say give people willing to throw themselves into your situation a chance.
Do your children have health insurance through a court order via their biological father?
There's $600 a month + right there
Do they have daycare for if you work etc?
Theres $800 a month + right there
The expenses of all this quickly add up and most respectable successful young men would have issues taking on such liability....
I sincerely hope that these kids, and Mom, are covered by a good health insurance policy...
There will be issues. Prospective suitors may bolt quickly; some may leave because of conflicts with the kids; some may stay around because they like the children, and don't want to disappoint them, even after the romance fades ( yes, this happens); a suitor may agree at first, but then have regrets afterward ("What have I gotten myself into"??); the possibilities are endless..
huge huge downer i hear you. however, your job at this point is taking care of your kids til they are 18. your job is no longer dating u gota put that on hold til they are 18.
@ 18 kick em out and start over.
Quality men are not going to give a chance to a woman who had not one but three kids before 30 with a man she never married. From the get-go it just looks bad. I'm not saying that it's RIGHT that it looks bad, but if I were a man I'd wonder why you just kept popping kids out without getting married. One, maybe the birth control failed and you didn't feel abortion was a good option. Three and you look irresponsible at best, like you were trying to keep a man who wouldn't marry you bound to you at worst. They're also going to wonder if you would *OOPS* get pregnant again.
That's just the way it is. That's why it's called "baby mama drama."
She maybe dateable but she has obstacles which are her children.
you make it sound like she has to pull a 'Susan Smith' to find a man
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) and equally lots of immature over 30's. I'd say give people willing to throw themselves into your situation a chance.
