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Thanks for the responses. I decided to use my job's free one time legal counsel. To see how to proceed.
She is in complete silent mode now. She refuses to speak to me. She is acting as if I did her wrong. lol. Amazing. So I don't even know how to approach her about accepting her offer.
I also am getting over the revenge issue. It's really not worth it. If I ever met him in person. IDK. But as of right now. I believe dealing with her is going to be punishment enough.
Been there, done that, could write the book.
She is working it out in her head to make you into the demon. She is probably coming up with justifications as to why she deserved to cheat.
Get a lawyer to draw up a proposed divorce agreement. Serve her with the papers. The reality is that the house will probably be gone by the end of all of this, because even a civil divorce can run up legal fees of $3K-$5K per person.
Accept the loss and move on.
And see a therapist. You are going to be angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. Your ex is going to pull some sort of dickish move designed simply to anger you. You can probably pull through it on your own, but it will be easier with a dispassionate person giving you some advice now and again.
She is working it out in her head to make you into the demon. She is probably coming up with justifications as to why she deserved to cheat.
Get a lawyer to draw up a proposed divorce agreement. Serve her with the papers. The reality is that the house will probably be gone by the end of all of this, because even a civil divorce can run up legal fees of $3K-$5K per person.
Accept the loss and move on.
And see a therapist. You are going to be angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. Your ex is going to pull some sort of dickish move designed simply to anger you. You can probably pull through it on your own, but it will be easier with a dispassionate person giving you some advice now and again.
I started to see a therapist last week. The fastest hour of my life.
Thanks for the responses. I decided to use my job's free one time legal counsel. To see how to proceed.
She is in complete silent mode now. She refuses to speak to me. She is acting as if I did her wrong. lol. Amazing. So I don't even know how to approach her about accepting her offer.
I also am getting over the revenge issue. It's really not worth it. If I ever met him in person. IDK. But as of right now. I believe dealing with her is going to be punishment enough.
I don't know if this is available or recognized in Maryland, but I actually did my divorce using a software package available on line from a company that specializes in legal forms. I just ordered two copies of the package...one for me, one for her. It was really simple because there were no kids involved, no fight over property...I quitclaimed the house and left with everything I came with plus my peace of mind and haven't looked back.
Completed the forms, had an attorney look them over, made a couple of minor changes, and we were off to the races...actually the county hall of records. Filed the papers, each of us went on with life. Very clean and simple. Good luck, and don't look back.
see if she will go for arbitration. if not get a lawyer now. move out now.
distance yourself from this person. what u r dealing with right now (and b4) is not your friend; its an adversary that is out to get u who is posing as your soulmate. trust me the only person she is thinking of is her--- certainly not u.
matthew 10:36
Speak to a lawyer. He/she will quickly level-set your expectations. There's nothing here to salvage. Just get out - you have your whole life ahead of you. There are not enough assets hear to agonize over. Move on and all the best to you.
I had my free 1/2 phone call with a Lawyer from work. He basically echoed everything that was said in this thread. He suggested let her have the home. I don't have enough for an Adultery based divorce. I would need Private Eye photos of them kissing in public. Near a hotel room. Forget about revenge. It is a pain in the ass to run a section 8 property.
He also said that I should write up a Property Settlement Agreement. It will basically state what we are doing. As far as the refinancing, and deed to the home. He said he would do it for $700. I thanked him for his advice. But I'm sure I could do it on my own for much cheaper. lol
I came home. I broke the silence and told her about taking the deal. She was a little pleased, and explained. That she is still confused about her future. Whatever. So she is going to meet with the Credit Union people next week. To see where to go next.
Get a GOOD divorce attorney, preferably a woman, give them all the information you have, what your wife wants to do etc and let them tell you what is the best way to proceed.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joeclyde
My wife and I have been married for two years. We have no children but we do share a home together.
From the beginning, the married wasn't ideal. We would have periods of poor communication, and no sex. Everyone keeps repeating that the first couple of years are the hardest. So I thought this was how it was.
She went through another one of her low periods over the Holiday weekend. I was basically tired of it. So I decided to check her email. Low and behold. For the entire relationship. She has been in contact with her Ex. They had a rocky relationship. Physical abuse, restraining orders, cheating, and they both were thrown in jail. But she loves him. She has said so in various emails. It seemed that whenever he contacted her out of the blue. It seemed to coincide with one of our relationship miscommunications. Big shock.
It appears over the last couple of months. They have gone on a couple of dates. I confronted her about it. She said they just kissed, and didn't have sex. But in her email. She stated she wanted to get a Hotel room with him and have sex. I guess he had to go home to his wife. So he took a rain check. Plus in talking to her. I started to realize how immature and delusional she is about their "future." Check please!
Anyway. I figured 2 years of BS is not worth saving. So we are in the processes of figuring out how to handle our pending divorce. She suggested that we refinance the home in her name, and she would give me 5k. The home is worth 190k. We owe the bank 185k. But I know that she plans to rent the home out. So basically. She would be getting money from a rental property. So she would be benefiting from cheating on me. If that is the case. I should receive more than 5k for my troubles.
My question is. Should I hold out for more money? Sue her for alimony? get revenge on her ex? Sue her for part of her 401k? Or take the deal and just get out of the marriage as fast as possible?
In a community property state the way it is often handled when there is no agreement is to sell the home and split the equity. Bear in mind that you may not be able to get $190K for the house and she may have a big anchor around her neck if she refinances in her name.
She's offering you all of the paper equity in the house for a clean break. Giving her what she wants is probably going to be much more in your favor than she realizes (being a landlord actually really sucks and carries its own set of expenses and headaches - she's going to get burned if she isn't a pretty good businesswoman and robbed blind if she doesn't know anything about home maintenance), but I would try to negotiate $10K as consideration for ongoing rental income and I would take the deal if she comes back over $7,500.
Sorry you're going through this, count your blessings that there are no children mucking the situation up. A young divorce with no kids is not going to hurt very bad for very long.
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Quit posting here and ..............
