My friends and family think I'm gay.

[nyanna]

Originally Posted by spinx

I'm female and I've gotten this question from my dad's wife and family a couple of times. It actually shocked me the first time she asked. When I said I was not gay, she just said something like, "you never bring anyone home." I'm private to the extreme and I don't think it is anyone's right to know what goes on in my personal life - unless I want them to know. She's right, I have never brought a guy home because, unfortunately, my family is very nosey and it bothers me (which is probably why I grew up to be so private).

I simply say, dont worry about it. Just be happy.

I can relate to that. I've casually dated quite a few guys but they never met my parents because they are critical of other people's appearance. and my mother is incredibly nosey and overbearing. She's the type that will ask me about my sex life and when my boyfriend and I are having sex so I never felt comfortable dating when I lived at home

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by nyanna

so only gay people are single?

I think the misconception comes from the fact that closeted gay people often appear single for much longer because they are having their same-sex relationships secretively. That doesn't necessarily mean that gay people are actually single more often.

The people in my life that I am not 'out' to think I am single and have never had a boyfriend (and obviously not a girlfriend either, by their assumptions), at age 22. The truth is I've been dating girls since age 15, and was experimenting even earlier than that.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by redhead360

So for the past several months (since I turned 21), my family and friends have been asking me about my dating life, who I see and if I started seeing women since I moved out of my parents house. Every time they ask me, I just tell them, "No I don't have time to date right now" or "I'm not really interested in that right now". The first time some one asked me if I was gay was when my friend and I went out for dinner after our Health Education class, and he asked me straight up if I was gay because I never really talk to many girls (aside from two close friends of mine). I told him I just have other priorities than relationships right now.

I thought the conversation was done, until one day my mother and I were talking on the phone ( she calls me almost everyday since I moved out) if I was seeing someone. She then asked me I was dating a guy or was gay, at this point I told her I wasn't seeing anyone and I didn't want to until I was financially stable and I had interest in dating again.

The thing is, I'm getting started into a career (wish to become an EMT and hopefully a future Paramedic, something I want to do) , and I really want to become more independent rather than looking for women right now. I'm really short, plus I have a really quirky personality (I'm reserved but I tend to open to people once I start trusting them). I also tend to keep a close circle of friends ( two friends and I rented an apartment close to our college, so it's easier to get back and forth from school).

Sorry if the post is too long, it's just that it kind of caught me off guard, has anyone ever had to deal with the same thing? Or is it just my family and friends looking out for my best interests? I really do love them, but in terms of giving my heart out to someone or even dating is not even something I really wish to deal with right now.

Yes. I will tell you years when all these individuals started making their presents out in public as flaming gay people I was highly offended.

People claim that what they do in their life or their home is none of our business but I will tell you first hand it affected me personally.

I am NOT gay! When you are labeled that for not dating a woman when others feel you should just can make your blood boil. I think gay people are so discusting in my eyes and to be labeled that is the most highly offensive name ever!!

I feel for you. I was there. I enjoyed the single life. I LOVED it!! I have since married and those ideas of me being gay have since left to some extent. I will explain...

A male friend of mine went to get something to eat after a job he helped me on and I could see the stares as if we were a couple. That is so offensive to me that I cannot even tell you. The labeling of being "gay" is so upsetting to me. So when we hang out people see us and wonder. We are both married and just hanging out.

Anyways, you seem to be taking it alot better than I ever did. I hope you can be the better person and handle yourself more dignified than me.

[fallingwater]

Call up mom all excited. Tell her that you met "the one". She is pregnant with your child and you promised that you would be a great father to her 4 other children as those baby daddies (plural) are not around and don't pay child support. Express your happiness in that she really needed someone like yourself to keep her on track. The AA meetings are going well and you really think she can turn her life around due to your amazing love.

Right before mom has a heart attack say, "just kidding". Then she will be happy her responsible 21 yr old son is focused on finding himself and establishing a career.

[Amelorn]

I have a feeling that I am contending with the same nonsense with my relatives. While they seldom ask any more, I sense that some words are exchanged behind my back. I put some effort into my appearance*, so because my sartorial/clothing standards are higher than "shorts mom bought me in high school, free t-shirt from liquor promotional, socks that don't smell yet", something is...***** with me.

*Keeping my weight down to maintain a 33 or 34 waist is a constant battle, as are clothes that do some service to me.

Why don't I date?
Four long standing reasons that worked against me, as it were, but didn't stop me entirely (I have dated and am not a virgin).
~I've got "leftover" love handles and a leftover paunch and at 22 and wrapping up college, I am competing with, as Bret Easton Ellis said in American Psycho, natural "hardbodies."
~I am/was never a warm, trusting person.
~I am still enamoured/socially satisfied with friends. Same-sex friends especially are *much* easier.
~My sex drive isn't my raison d'etre.

These last two one stopped me cold:
~Watching my mother die moaning/screaming some months ago has left me adrift. I'd prefer not to mire anyone in that bog.
~It's my last year of college (last 6 weeks). What's the point of something serious when I will be splitting the next several months on multiple continents?

I'm tired of dealing with stereotypes. I've wondered...it seems somewhat more socially acceptable for a middle aged woman (usually after a divorce, rarely widowed) to focus on herself and live life on her terms. [seemingly] The decision is normally "accepted" by friends and family and often applauded. Young people of both sexes aren't apparently afforded this grace.