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Im 31 and never been in a relationship i have a huge fear of approaching women and getting rejected i just feel they are not attracted to me..The few women i approached who rejected me it felt like my soul was stomped on..I felt unwanted ugly hurt..
Whenver id go out with my friend whos really good looking and had women flock to him and ignored me i felt like unwanted trash..id go home at night and feel sorry for myself feel i wasn't good enough and just become bitter..
The thing is i know it makes no sense logically..Ive been through tragedy in my and learned to deal with it..i consider myself a strong person in some aspects but when it comes to women and not being able to attract them even though i know in the scheme of things its not a big deal some random women rejecting me for whatever reason its crushes me..
We all want to be deisred and loved its part of beign human but i know it shouldn't effect me like it does..
I dont even know where im going with this post or what im asking for i guess im just venting because its frustrating knowing i have the logcial answer but i cant put it into work because something inside me wont let it..
I'll tell you what most people will say, "Oh it's no big deal. None of us likes it, but we have to accept it and keep trying." This tells me, it doesn't really affect them that badly in the first place.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,030,264 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
I'll tell you what most people will say, "Oh it's no big deal. None of us likes it, but we have to accept it and keep trying." This tells me, it doesn't really affect them that badly in the first place.
That's nice. It makes it easier to tote those blankets around when you can put them all in one nice, tidy little box.
Well, maybe you should try online. I've always felt rejection over the internet doesn't hurt as much as in your face rejections. Or you could stay forever alone and we'll become drinking buddies when I reach the legal age to drink alcohol since I've more or less given up.
I've been down the rejected road myself and it doesn't feel great. Takes me too much time to process the moment and move on.
So I choose to stay out of the dating scene and games. Not up to being rejected anymore and I don't have the energy for it. I will do just fine without companionship.
Games is the operative word. A lot of people get to that point - no more energy for this BS and will not try. Nothing wrong with that. Both men and women get to that point, it seems.
#1 - Let go of the past! You are entering a new life in 2012. Own that and claim that.
#2 - Stop allowing your fear of rejection or insecurity around your friend to personify an image to others that you aren't confortable with who you are.
#3 - Don't hit on everyone but don't only ask 1 lady out and feel if she doesn't bite than that's it.
#4 - Break free of your friend for a few minutes - even if to go to the bathroom and pass some ladies at the other end of the bar. On the way back say something genuine to compliment a few ladies.
#5 - Learn the art of conversation. Ask questions and make comments that aren't corny or consists of "Hey how are you tonight?" If you are sitting down watching the game, don't be afraid to walk up and talk stuff to the girl watching the game. Just stop for a second or two and say.....I know you aren't rooting for ________. Evaluate the response. If she says a one word answer, doesn't laugh, or doesn't further promote the conversation -then move on. If she laugh and starts sharing the game stat's or why she likes Labron...that's a good start.
#6 - No one has the ability to make or break you. Your greatness is within yourself. If a woman doesn't see how great a person you are then it's their loss and its not your job to convince them differently.
#7 - Consider taking part in "meet ups" or other groups where it's not such a "pick up" environment. A more relaxed or daytime atmostphere might work better for you considering the groups you join will be a pool of people who like the things that you do.
#8 - You don't have to do everything with your friend.
Last edited by hatgirl007; 03-03-2012 at 08:55 PM..
Im 31 and never been in a relationship i have a huge fear of approaching women and getting rejected i just feel they are not attracted to me..The few women i approached who rejected me it felt like my soul was stomped on..I felt unwanted ugly hurt..
Whenver id go out with my friend whos really good looking and had women flock to him and ignored me i felt like unwanted trash..id go home at night and feel sorry for myself feel i wasn't good enough and just become bitter..
The thing is i know it makes no sense logically..Ive been through tragedy in my and learned to deal with it..i consider myself a strong person in some aspects but when it comes to women and not being able to attract them even though i know in the scheme of things its not a big deal some random women rejecting me for whatever reason its crushes me..
We all want to be deisred and loved its part of beign human but i know it shouldn't effect me like it does..
I dont even know where im going with this post or what im asking for i guess im just venting because its frustrating knowing i have the logcial answer but i cant put it into work because something inside me wont let it..
Something inside you won't let it? That would be you inside you; YOU WON'T LET YOU. You would actually have to step outside of your comfort zone of being able to continue to use the excuse that you cannot have a relationship, go out, live life, etc. because "something" unknown inside of you stops it.
Get over it and move on, quit using your own fear as a crutch to not even attempt to get over the fear. If you don't try it will never happen, seek professional therapy if you need to and get past all of that. You are way too young to be so full of doom and gloom.
What I want to know is why does the "lack of confidence" thing always come up? If the guy is out there getting rejected, he's confident enough to ask in the first place. The times he felt sorry for himself and showed a lack of confidence was when he was alone, far after any interaction with females.
How do females get a vibe of "lack of confidence" from someone who hasn't even shown it to them?
Sure, it's easy to pick it out from his post on the internet, but the women rejecting him in real life, they don't have any clue about his lack of confidence. They don't know him at all.
But really though, OP. You were obviously confident enough to ask at least a few women. Think about that and realize that you could do it again if you really wanted to. Rejection sucks, I know, but you knew you had a possibility of being rejected the times you did ask and you took the chance anyway. It does just sound like you're venting because of being rejected, rather than you needing help on the subject.
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