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Im 31 and never been in a relationship i have a huge fear of approaching women and getting rejected i just feel they are not attracted to me..The few women i approached who rejected me it felt like my soul was stomped on..I felt unwanted ugly hurt..
Whenver id go out with my friend whos really good looking and had women flock to him and ignored me i felt like unwanted trash..id go home at night and feel sorry for myself feel i wasn't good enough and just become bitter..
The thing is i know it makes no sense logically..Ive been through tragedy in my and learned to deal with it..i consider myself a strong person in some aspects but when it comes to women and not being able to attract them even though i know in the scheme of things its not a big deal some random women rejecting me for whatever reason its crushes me..
We all want to be deisred and loved its part of beign human but i know it shouldn't effect me like it does..
I dont even know where im going with this post or what im asking for i guess im just venting because its frustrating knowing i have the logcial answer but i cant put it into work because something inside me wont let it..
The trick is to approach lots of them. Don't just pick one lady, obsess from a distance, fall in love, and then feel heartbroken when she's already got something else in her life and turns you down. Ask lots of girls out. Some will say no, but others will say yes. Get used to talking to them and then it will be easier to know how to talk to one who you really like.
And don't tell them you've never been in a relationship. Just tell them you've never been in a serious relationship, at least until you know them better.
I felt like unwanted trash..id go home at night and feel sorry for myself feel i wasn't good enough and just become bitter..
That's it in a nutshell. Women (or men) are not attracted to people who feel sorry for themselves and are bitter. It's very unattractive. Why don't you put things into perspective? You are only 31, apparently healthy and have your whole life ahead of you. Yet you worry and wring your hands over rejection? What about a person who went to the Dr. yesterday and was told, "You have 6 weeks to live. Get your affairs in order."
Who has it worse? You or that person?
Men who feel sorry for themselves are an anathema to most women. Change your attitude and get out and LIVE LIFE.
Your going to get rejected that's just part of being out in the dating scene. Don't take it personal (even though you will) After a while your learn to roll with the punches & know when to duck.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I can't relate. I'd be more afraid of not trying....of missed opportunities than rejection. With rejection, at least I can say I tried. If I didn't try I only had myself to blame. I don't want to look back in ten years and think, "Why didn't I try?" I now think of rejection as destiny's way of weeding my garden of life; getting rid of the ones that don't belong there so I can reach the ones that do.
I've been down the rejected road myself and it doesn't feel great. Takes me too much time to process the moment and move on.
For me however, I have never been much of a risk taker, and I just hate taking chances. Many have said you will never know if you don't try, but when you get turned down enough times, you don't really want to try anymore. So rather than feel sorry for one's self, I just work on things that I do enjoy hobby wise to take the mind off such things. Makes me feel better in the end. I am sure many women go through just as much rejection as men do but men often have it harder because they have to be the ones to make the first move or step. That's when men tend to wince.
For myself personally, I don't want to try anymore. And though many will say 'you will regret it when you look at yourself 10-20 years later and blame yourself for not trying'...when you go through enough rejection then that statement will be pretty much a moot point. Rejection always hurts, but you have to choose whether it bothers you or not. I get tired of people saying, 'there's someone for everyone'. No there's not. If that was the case then everyone would be with someone. So it tells me, I am not worthy to be loved and I don't deserve any companionship. So be it as I've started to accept it.
Almost a shame, really. Pets often make better companions than people do. Don't have to worry about rejection, they are usually always loyal to you until the end and never have to worry about being turned down.
So I choose to stay out of the dating scene and games. Not up to being rejected anymore and I don't have the energy for it. I will do just fine without companionship.
No one enjoys being rejected, but it's par for the course of living life: you don't always get everything that you want, whether it's a date or a job or a house.
There have been an awful lot of "afraid of rejection" posts and threads on this forum from what looks like a lot of younger guys, and I have to wonder if it's an offshoot of the "everyone's a winner" school of parenting. When kids are brought up getting a pat on the head and a cookie for just showing up, they're not learning how to cope with failure.
Almost a shame, really. Pets often make better companions than people do. Don't have to worry about rejection, they are usually always loyal to you until the end and never have to worry about being turned down.
Rejection is normal, who the heck cares??? You shouldn't feel bad for yourself, you should feel bad for the person rejecting you and missing out on a good time. Laugh it off and find the next, its the name of the game, why would you care about whether another person likes you or not? That just seems nuts.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
Rejection is normal, who the heck cares??? You shouldn't feel bad for yourself, you should feel bad for the person rejecting you and missing out on a good time. Laugh it off and find the next, its the name of the game, why would you care about whether another person likes you or not? That just seems nuts.
It's normal to feel that way. It only becomes nuts if it affects your life. Only the poster knows for sure how much it affects his life. We can't see how he lives. I certainly wouldn't surmise over this post.
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After a while your learn to roll with the punches & know when to duck. 
