LT Relationships w/ No End Goal: Are They OK? (dating, long-term, marriage)
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Something another poster wrote in the "Multiple Engagements" topic got me thinking ...
Should you engage in a long-term relationship when you know that marriage (or living together or another LT/life commitment) isn't your long-term goal?
If so, how do you reinforce this decision with the person you're dating? Is this even possible when the other party might secretly hope that you'll change your mind one day?
You know, questions like this really peeve me because "should" invites some kind of moral judgment.
I've been with my SO for more than 5 years. What are people going to say now? No, we "shouldn't?" We "should" want to get married, we "should" want to live together? We "should" do this, we "should" do that?
Please. Not everyone wants to live together or get married, and not everyone gives a rat's patootie about what anyone else thinks they should or shouldn't do. Adults run their relationships the way they see fit. There is no "reinforcement" if both people are on the same page. If one person later wants more than the other can give, then it's time to part ways.
Something another poster wrote in the "Multiple Engagements" topic got me thinking ...
Should you engage in a long-term relationship when you know that marriage (or living together or another LT/life commitment) isn't your long-term goal?
If so, how do you reinforce this decision with the person you're dating? Is this even possible when the other party might secretly hope that you'll change your mind one day?
Thoughts?
If two people agree that neither WANT MARRIAGE, but only want a long term relationship, what's the problem? There is none.
You have to communicate what you want, don't be the one to string someone along for selfish reasons. And don't stick yourself in a relationship of convenience hoping and praying that one day they'll come to their senses and ask you to marry them. It's not up to you to change the mind person you're involved with so they give in 20 years down the line and marry you, that's not a relationship founded on honesty either.
If you can't communicate the simplest or most basic of information, your wants and needs to your partner/potential partner, you have no business being in a relationship.
If you don't want a relationship, then find someone who wants the same arrangement as you do (no strings attached sex on command). And if you can't find someone who wants the same relationship as you do, then after a period of time you come to your senses and get with the program that the majority have (monogamous committed long term relationship) or you stay single. It's really just that simple.
Something another poster wrote in the "Multiple Engagements" topic got me thinking ...
Should you engage in a long-term relationship when you know that marriage (or living together or another LT/life commitment) isn't your long-term goal?
If so, how do you reinforce this decision with the person you're dating? Is this even possible when the other party might secretly hope that you'll change your mind one day?
Thoughts?
I don't know if you "should", but you sure "can"
Sure you can engage in a LTR like this, as long as each partner is reading from the same page on the agenda
They happen. Sometimes you are in them and keep asking yourself "do I want to be in this for the long-term, or not?" Generally, you part ways.
That's been my experience as well.
Is there an "assumption" attached to LTRs with no marriage compared to marriage? For example, while the general "assumption" is that marriage is "till death we do part," is there an assumption about LTRs w/ no marriage that they will eventually end one day?
And I ask this somewhat rhetorically, of course.
I'm thinking about my college days, when I got in LTRs assuming that one day they would end when the relationship ran its course. I think differently these days, but there was always that general assumption in the back of my mind.
The only thing that matters is that both people are on the same page. If one person is happy in the relationship, but never sees themselves getting married and the other person wants to get married one day, then it isn't going to work. Otherwise I don't think there are any "shoulds." People should do what feels right and works for them as long as they aren't leading the other person on about their long term intentions.
Should you engage in a long-term relationship when you know that marriage (or living together or another LT/life commitment) isn't your long-term goal?
This question confuses me. If you're in an LTR, but the end goal isn't marriage or living together or life commitment, then what is the nature of the relationship in the first place...two people who don't live together but have mutually agreed to see only each other until one decides it's over?
This question confuses me. If you're in an LTR, but the end goal isn't marriage or living together or life commitment, then what is the nature of the relationship in the first place...two people who don't live together but have mutually agreed to see only each other until one decides it's over?
This is what I would extrapolate from a LTR in which marriage or domestic partnership isn't the goal of the relationship.
Personally, I would not want this type of arrangement now that I'm a little older and mindful that I'm not in a relationship just for myself. I'd never date just for the sake of having someone exclusive. I think at a certain point, there would be a make or break to the situation, and if there's no commitment to making things work ...
Something another poster wrote in the "Multiple Engagements" topic got me thinking ...
Should you engage in a long-term relationship when you know that marriage (or living together or another LT/life commitment) isn't your long-term goal?
I don't go into any relationship thinking that I'm going to marry the guy or move in with him. I go in thinking that I like him and I want to get to know him better.
Is there a cutoff for that? When does a relationship become "long term"?
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