Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's no lease (we're month to month and he knew the landlord) however the deposit was my money.
I have enough savings to leave right now, but I am hoping to move out of state, so that process takes a little longer than say moving to the next neighborhood.
And technically I can afford the rent in the apt, but I'm not willing to shell out so much for rent. (Nearly half my paycheck).
As for caving in, definitely not happening. We've both come to terms to what this entails. His parents even tried fixing him up already which I found to be an insult thus he told them to back off until we're not sharing space anymore.
Also the reason I asked if we were crazy was because his family and friends think we're crazy. I said why should they care about how we handle our relationship.
Yes, I think you are crazy. If you were on the fence about having kids I'm not sure why you both put yourself in this position in the first place.
If I were in this situation though, I'd make a clean break. You CAN, you just don't want to which in my opinion is NOT being very mature.
Get a cheaper place, do a month-to-month and move out of state when you can afford to do so. You are using eachother and that will only lead to resentment.
Not to mention, you are preventing eachother from moving on. You found it to be an insult that his parents were trying to fix him up, but how long does he wait to move on? You are determining that timeline for him and that is unfair to him.
This is why people should not live together. If you are not planning on making a life with a person, don't live with him/her. Difficult, yes...in the long run...better for everyone.
I think that as it gets closer to him leaving, one of you will cave...and you will do the marriage thing, then change back...the handwriting is already on the wall for this one.
My sentiments almost verbatim!! Living together is a horrible situation that seldom works out for either party.
There's no lease (we're month to month and he knew the landlord) however the deposit was my money.
I have enough savings to leave right now, but I am hoping to move out of state, so that process takes a little longer than say moving to the next neighborhood.
And technically I can afford the rent in the apt, but I'm not willing to shell out so much for rent. (Nearly half my paycheck).
As for caving in, definitely not happening. We've both come to terms to what this entails. His parents even tried fixing him up already which I found to be an insult thus he told them to back off until we're not sharing space anymore.
Also the reason I asked if we were crazy was because his family and friends think we're crazy. I said why should they care about how we handle our relationship.
WTF is with his parents?! I think they are crazy.LOL
I just saw your location....yeh...that is a rock and hard spot. Why is it going to take longer to look out of state if you savings are there?
As long as you don't play house and do act like roommates (without dating) I think that is ok if you both can emotionally handle it. You both should be looking for other living arrangements anyway...not dating...
For your sake, I hope you don't let him "persuade" you to have children when you don't want to have them. That would be the biggest mistake of all. You made the right decision. You do not want to have kids and he does... no compromising on an issue like that. Let him find someone else who will have his babies.
It all boils down to 1 single disagreement. He really wants kids and I don't. It's a dealbreaker for him. But it's better we know now as he was planning to propose in August.
Are we crazy? Or are we being mature about a bad situation?
I think it's great that you both can be so mature about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOBBARK
I wouldn't let you get away for something silly like that. That could change later down the road. Think it through carefully. Don't blow the popsicle stand yet.
Aww Bark, and I was just beginning to REALLY like you too, lol!
There isn't anything silly about a woman not wanting kids, especially at a later time in her reproductive life. Some women just aren't cut out to be Moms. And honestly, it's usually better for everyone involved (especially the kiddos) that they aren't parents. I have seen too many women that don't want to be a mother, and end up pregnant, and the child suffers for it.
Things like this can be worked out for the right person. People work out cheating and or going to prison for crying out loud. You're tossing in the towel on a good thing. IMO
huh? there's no way to compromise on something like this. There's no such thing as half a baby..... Having a baby is a life changing event , way more so that even getting married (esp if like OP you're already living together).
Yes, I think you are crazy. If you were on the fence about having kids I'm not sure why you both put yourself in this position in the first place.
If I were in this situation though, I'd make a clean break. You CAN, you just don't want to which in my opinion is NOT being very mature.
Get a cheaper place, do a month-to-month and move out of state when you can afford to do so. You are using eachother and that will only lead to resentment.
Not to mention, you are preventing eachother from moving on. You found it to be an insult that his parents were trying to fix him up, but how long does he wait to move on? You are determining that timeline for him and that is unfair to him.
Pertaining to the bolded part, there is no such thing as a cheaper place right now unless I want to live 2 hours from work or live in a crime infested area. It's NYC, home of the high rent. It's next to impossible to find cheap, convenient and safe these days around here.
As for moving out of state, I CAN afford to do so, but I refuse to move without a job lined up first, which is what I am working on.
As for preventing each other from moving on, I have no intentions of meeting someone here right now BECAUSE I am trying to move out of state. He admitted he doesn't want to jump into anything with anyone else because it will take him a while to get over this relationship.
I'm not determining any timeline for him. I even told him to move back home if he wants to. He CHOSE to stay until I found a place because he is in no rush to move back.
Please don't go assuming things. We agreed to do this knowing full well the implications, hardly a case of using each other, and if we are, we know it.
Pertaining to the bolded part, there is no such thing as a cheaper place right now unless I want to live 2 hours from work or live in a crime infested area. It's NYC, home of the high rent. It's next to impossible to find cheap, convenient and safe these days around here.
As for moving out of state, I CAN afford to do so, but I refuse to move without a job lined up first, which is what I am working on.
As for preventing each other from moving on, I have no intentions of meeting someone here right now BECAUSE I am trying to move out of state. He admitted he doesn't want to jump into anything with anyone else because it will take him a while to get over this relationship.
I'm not determining any timeline for him. I even told him to move back home if he wants to. He CHOSE to stay until I found a place because he is in no rush to move back.
Please don't go assuming things. We agreed to do this knowing full well the implications, hardly a case of using each other, and if we are, we know it.
I'm not assuming things. You both CAN live apart, you are just choosing not to. That's fine if you can live with that.
I just think the resentment will start to build, especially if he meets someone new and feels like he can't move forward because you are still sharing a home. Of course he said he doesn't want to jump into anything, because there is nobody else right now...it's easy to say when there aren't any options.
If you agreed to do this and you know full well the implications, then there was no reason to ask everyone here if you are crazy to do this unless you are looking for things you may have overlooked.
I'm thinking you overlooked the fact that there may be some resentment if he meets someone else. Also, what if he decides he doesn't want to live there anymore with you but somehow feels guilty or responsible for your well-being...I just would make a clean break ASAP even if it meant having to struggle for a bit.
So finally after 7 months together, my BF and I realize we won't be going forward. It all boils down to 1 single disagreement. He really wants kids and I don't. It's a dealbreaker for him. But it's better we know now as he was planning to propose in August.
We moved too fast in the beginning when we moved in together after a few months. However over time of talking about everything, keeping open, honest, no holds barred communication, we realize we are on the same page. It hurts a lot because we really do love and care a great deal about each other.
He can move back with his parents at any given time. However I don't have the luxury of going someplace else. And neither one of us can afford this apartment on our own. We both agreed we wouldn't want to live here with a roommate because of the memories we have here.
So we came to the conclusion that we would stay living together until I find a place to move. He also said he was in no rush at all to move back home, so it also works in his favor. I imagine it will be by May to find a place, however he tells me better to take my time to find the right place instead of rushing to get out just for the sake of. I know we're still acting like GF and BF even though we know it's over because we are just trying to make the best of a bad situation. There's no hard feelings between us, we know it is what it is.
Are we crazy? Or are we being mature about a bad situation?
No sex. Don't do anything where you might end up pregnant.
OP: Why do you need to be reasured by a bunch of strangers on the internet? You're doing what you're doing no matter what so who cares what anyone else thinks?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
