What would you advise me to do in the following situation ? (date, women)
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I think that if you didn't notice she was "overweight" until she was nekkid, then we can't exactly be talking clinically obese here.
Personally, I think you need to get over yourself.
I think you should say to her " I like you, but you're a bit fat".
Then she'll dump you, and be rid of a shallow jerk.
If her excess weight bothers you now, it'll bother you times 100 in years to come.
If it bothers you, end it.
Don't try to change her. it won't work, it'll only lead to resentment.
If she's not attractive to you, then don't develop the bond further.
Leave now. Do both of you a favour
OP, be prepared to be dumped by her. This is a very sensitive issue for many women and she will not take it well. However, the good news for her is that there are plenty of men who have no issue with it and she will seek them out.
she will continue to gain weight it will bother u more not less.
most women it seems these days are not into long term---- its short term with marriage and divorce and kids.
thinking u will change these 2 things is to start off badly.
many men wana marry anyway. dont do it without a prenup.
When I met my husband he weighed a bit over 180, he is 5-10 1/2. Over 3 years of dating before we married he gained about 85 pounds. He's maintained weight at around 265 for the past 4 years. He's working on losing the weight now, and it's difficult for him. It takes discipline to stick with it and complete a goal. I would love for him to lose the weight but I love him no matter what size he is. My attraction for him has probably increased over time because I love him. And for me my attraction toward him doesn't depend on how he looks. Love doesn't rely on superficial qualities in order to thrive. Sexual interest is complex, and for some people it's based on superficiality (looks, money, youth, etc) - for some people like me it doesn't matter what they look like because sexual attraction for me has always been based on the intangible (having a passion for someone) therefore his weight doesn't really matter.
I would hope she doesn't gain any weight, but she's got to want to lose the weight as well. There's really no delicate way to tell her to lose the weight. Why not have some exercise dates. Or just have a lot of sex, she might be able to drop a few pounds that way as well.
If u say anything she will not ever forget it and it will hurt her feelings. Why can't you just be grateful for what you have? You could change your eating habits and give her some healthier foods ," hey do you want some of my fiber cereal? , want some fruit?" And take the dog for long walks together. Get a big dog if you don't have one and walk.
Look at it this way - maybe she does not like you being so thin? Should she dump you just because you want to be thin?
Even though I know that I look pretty good, I'm positive she can find better guys who are better looking in her eyes. She is letting me feel that the bond she has with me is much more than about looks.
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I have a feeling that there is a certain amount of gentic tendency to weight I think although not absolutely certain about this. I always have a look at their mother to find out what she will look like in 20 years but many people dont get that far in relationships these days, so if you do, then you are both doing well. :-)
Haven't seen her mother yet. But I know she doesn't have the genetics for a really lean person.
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You also have to ask yourself whether you will find something not to your liking with every girl you meet and if it is a mechanism you use to reject them due to your own uncertainties or doubts.
Hard to say. I never had a better bond with a woman than with her... (I'm 33 y/o btw).
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Looking for a long term relationship I always think is a real killer. Starting out with that idea in your head is like a woman wanting to get married. For many, many men it would make them run a mile. I have to say that if I was the woman and you told me you wanted a long term relationship, I would wonder why. These long term relationship things often "just happen" because you both click and you are both not worrying whether you have backed the right horse, not many people I know "plan" them, do they?. :-)
Well, I'm simply not looking for a one night stand... so the alternative is a long term relationship...
If u say anything she will not ever forget it and it will hurt her feelings.
I know it. The moment I say it, even if she doesn't dump me, things will never be the same. She will be under the impression that I think her body is flawed, and she will not be comfortable around me as she is now. And I worked so hard to make her feel so comfortable around me as she is now...
I can not do this to her, and can not do this to us.
I see two options,
1. I decide to live with her as she is, and hope in time I won't care anymore about her weight, or maybe that our life together will somehow make her take thinner habbits...
2. Leave her (and even then give some other excuse, in order not to hurt her feelings, since it's only my preference).
Get help, Bud. YOU are the one with the problem. If you've got to see her naked before you realize that she's not skinny enough for your tastes, the problem is not her size, it's your freaking hangup. If you want the relationship to continue, get help.
Otherwise break it off with her, but be sure to tell her why so she realizes she's not losing anything of value.
You might also consider wearing a sign around your neck to warn any other healthy women that if their ribs aren't protruding, they'll get dumped shortly after you see them naked. Or, like I suggested, see a shrink and work through your problem.
She is letting me feel that the bond she has with me is much more than about looks.
And you do not feel the same way. You know you don't.
This will set you up for guilt, which is not exactly an aphrodisiac.
"hope ... in time, that I won't care anymore about her weight..."?
It doesn't work that way.
Listen to your gut. Break it off with her now before you both invest any more. It will suck for a little while, but it's better than a lifetime of wishing you'd listened to yourself.
Also, I would not listen to the harsh comments about your being shallow etc. It's YOUR life, and most of us have a particular physical preference in our partner. That's why I say you should listen to your gut.
NO ONE, male or female, wants to feel as if they are a disappointment to their partner, in or out of bed. If you know deep down that this is a problem for you, you should do yourself and any woman you date a favor and listen to your instincts.
It's not shallow if he breaks it off with her.
We like what we like.
It is shallow if he sticks with her and tries to make her into something she's not, i.e his perfect woman.
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Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
And you do not feel the same way. You know you don't.
This will set you up for guilt, which is not exactly an aphrodisiac.
"hope ... in time, that I won't care anymore about her weight..."?
It doesn't work that way.
Listen to your gut. Break it off with her now before you both invest any more. It will suck for a little while, but it's better than a lifetime of wishing you'd listened to yourself.
Also, I would not listen to the harsh comments about your being shallow etc. It's YOUR life, and most of us have a particular physical preference in our partner. That's why I say you should listen to your gut.
NO ONE, male or female, wants to feel as if they are a disappointment to their partner, in or out of bed. If you know deep down that this is a problem for you, you should do yourself and any woman you date a favor and listen to your instincts.
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