What would you advise me to do in the following situation ? (wife, woman)
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I agree, Bob. The worst thing he could do would be to stay with her and make condescending comments like, "Wanna exercise with me? Want some of this fruit?"
I agree, Bob. The worst thing he could do would be to stay with her and make condescending comments like, "Wanna exercise with me? Want some of this fruit?"
It's not condescending to invite someone to exercise with you, or offer them fruit.
It is if you're doing it to change them or "secretly" hoping to convert them to a healthier (i.e. thinner) version of themselves so you can better tolerate them.
I think ten dates in three weeks pretty much establishes to her that you like her the way she is . That means she probably won't lose weight to please you because you are already attracted to her. You should just back out of this relationship delicately. You are attracted to her (getting naked together is proof enough), but on the other hand you say that she doesn't fit you natural preference in women. If I were her I would wonder why you are so attracted to a girl who doesn't fit your natural preference in women. She may be confused and upset. Your actions are in conflict with your words.
Sorry, jonesy, I gotta be frank. Normally, the "bonding" process means we love the other person for who they are, for their special qualities, their values, their heart, their mind, their soul. We don't mind if they have a few extra pounds, we don't think about the kind of lover they can attract, as if they're a status symbol. We think about what we can give to the other person, not how good they will make us look, because they're attractive enough to attract "other good-looking lovers". If you're bothered by the fact that she doesn't have a perfect figure, I'd have to say that you're not mature enough for a serious LTR and all that that entails. That's my take.
It's not condescending to invite someone to exercise with you, or offer them fruit.
People, he's just gotten to know her, and he's already wanting to change her. And she's not even overweight, she just has a few extra pounds. This really does not bode well for their future. She can do better than this guy. She can find someone who loves her for who she is, as she is. I'd suggest she look among guys a little older and wiser.
I think ten dates in three weeks pretty much establishes to her that you like her the way she is . That means she probably won't lose weight to please you because you are already attracted to her. You should just back out of this relationship delicately. You are attracted to her (getting naked together is proof enough), but on the other hand you say that she doesn't fit you natural preference in women. If I were her I would wonder why you are so attracted to a girl who doesn't fit your natural preference in women. She may be confused and upset. Your actions are in conflict with your words.
Things don't always have to be black or white. I am attracted to her, attracted to her face, voice, intelligence, breasts, clothes... and she's not fat, she's just a bit overweight, and I'm sensitive to that, maybe among the rest because I spend so much time and energy to stay thin myself...
I met a girl three weeks ago (26 y/o). We had about 10 dates thus far. We connected really really well on all levels (mentaly, sexually, future plans etc.) I never bonded better with a girl in my life, I feel that this is really something special. I'm pretty sure that she thinks the same about me.
I have one problem and I don't know what to do about it: she is a little bit overweight for my liking (not fat), I didn't really see this until the last date when we got naked. I am a thin guy myself (and work very hard to maintain this form), and so this issue troubles me. I really wish that I didn't have this preference for thin form, but I have and I can't help it...
She is an attractive girl neverthelss, and can easily find good looking lovers. I saw that she is aware about healthy eating, and tries to eat well.
I know that weight is a very very very sensitive matter for most girls, and I'm afraid that if I'll mention this issue she will be deeply offended.
What do you think I should do ? not mention it and try to live with it ? mention it in some way ?
I think you need to tell her exactly this and see how she responds. She might not get upset about it and make the lifestyle change to get in shape herself or she may get offended. If this is something you can't truly overlook than the resentment towards her not being as fit as you could just build and build. So you just need to get it out in the open and see what happens.
People, he's just gotten to know her, and he's already wanting to change her. And she's not even overweight, she just has a few extra pounds. This really does not bode well for their future. She can do better than this guy. She can find someone who loves her for who she is, as she is. I'd suggest she look among guys a little older and wiser.
I do love her for everything she is, just not that "thing".
Can she do better than me ? regarding finding someone who will accept her weight, defenitely yes (she's smart, good looking, has a good heart.. she won't have trouble at all). Regarding finding a better match for her other needs, this won't be easy for her. I really believe I fit her needs like a glove. The bond is really special.
I think you need to tell her exactly this and see how she responds. She might not get upset about it and make the lifestyle change to get in shape herself or she may get offended. If this is something you can't truly overlook than the resentment towards her not being as fit as you could just build and build. So you just need to get it out in the open and see what happens.
You are right that if untreated, the resentment could deteriorate.
On the other hand, there is a delicate confidence between us now, one that allows her to act very comfortably around me. By telling her I think her body is flawed, how will I not smash this confidence into a million pieces ? how will she be able to feel comfortable around me ?
The best thing would have been if she would came to me and tell me that she wants to drop weight, then I could simply help. This has to come from her, not me.
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