What would you advise me to do in the following situation ? (dates, girlfriend)
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I met a girl three weeks ago (26 y/o). We had about 10 dates thus far. We connected really really well on all levels (mentaly, sexually, future plans etc.) I never bonded better with a girl in my life, I feel that this is really something special. I'm pretty sure that she thinks the same about me.
I have one problem and I don't know what to do about it: she is a little bit overweight for my liking (not fat), I didn't really see this until the last date when we got naked. I am a thin guy myself (and work very hard to maintain this form), and so this issue troubles me. I really wish that I didn't have this preference for thin form, but I have and I can't help it...
She is an attractive girl neverthelss, and can easily find good looking lovers. I saw that she is aware about healthy eating, and tries to eat well.
I know that weight is a very very very sensitive matter for most girls, and I'm afraid that if I'll mention this issue she will be deeply offended.
What do you think I should do ? not mention it and try to live with it ? mention it in some way ?
You can subtly do things in a relationship to improve this situation. If she isn't plain lazy it can work.
For example, exercising together, eating healthy together. Results won't happen overnight but in the long term they will.
The connection you have is too good to waste. Its worth pursuing.
Does it make you like her less? Do you no longer feel like you have a great connection because of a few pounds?
I don't know of any way of mentioning this and having a good outcome.
The fact that she has a few extra pounds has some toll on the physical attraction I feel for her...
I agree that it's very hard to see how mentioning this will result in a good outcome... I mean, even in the best case scenario, where she takes it well and tries to do something about it, there are no guarantees that she'll succeed... and even if she will on the short term, will she have enough will power to keep this change permanent ?
You can subtly do things in a relationship to improve this situation. If she isn't plain lazy it can work.
For example, exercising together, eating healthy together. Results won't happen overnight but in the long term they will.
The connection you have is too good to waste. Its worth pursuing.
I agree that the connection we have is too good to waste, I have the experience to know this by now.
I simply know (from my own experience) that changing your weight and keeping the change is not an easy task. You have to stay commited, and have strong will power... I don't want to make her miserable by ask her such a thing...
You have a few roads to take. I tried the same thing with my ex-girlfriend, the mother of my child, thinking it was the best route. While she didn't take it offensively, she didn't take it with any emotion. My mother proposed to even help her, too. She was very much over weight but it was up to her, not me, to choose to lose weight and eat healthier.
The road I took was just being blunt and honest, but caring and offered support. She was lazy and didn't care of her overall appearance.
You know her better than we do. If you think the blunt approach is best, the go with that. If not, there are other avenues you can take. I think it's best to suggest to go a way with how you know how she is and how she will react. Will she take it offensively, or will she take it with truth and understanding?
I met a girl three weeks ago (26 y/o). We had about 10 dates thus far. We connected really really well on all levels (mentaly, sexually, future plans etc.) I never bonded better with a girl in my life, I feel that this is really something special. I'm pretty sure that she thinks the same about me.
I have one problem and I don't know what to do about it: she is a little bit overweight for my liking (not fat), I didn't really see this until the last date when we got naked. I am a thin guy myself (and work very hard to maintain this form), and so this issue troubles me. I really wish that I didn't have this preference for thin form, but I have and I can't help it...
She is an attractive girl neverthelss, and can easily find good looking lovers. I saw that she is aware about healthy eating, and tries to eat well.
I know that weight is a very very very sensitive matter for most girls, and I'm afraid that if I'll mention this issue she will be deeply offended.
What do you think I should do ? not mention it and try to live with it ? mention it in some way ?
Well....you should probably NOT mention her weight, and quite frankly if you do have strong feelings for her, it should not matter. Eating well and exercise at least shows she is trying....some women (and men) won't ever be pencil thin, no matter how hard they try. It's probably a genetic trait in their DNA.....
If it is already affecting your attraction, it will not get better.
People change, but this is the kind of change that is difficult to predict. And love is supposed to be "unconditional."
Do you even know her well enough to know if this is "weight" or if it is just her body type? It may not be something she can even change, and then where will you be? Have you met any of her family members to see if this is something inherited?
It already has had a detrimental effect on your "relationship" because you are not being honest with her. You have feelings that you are worried you cannot share, and not in a good way. I cannot think of ANY way you could bring this up and not hurt her.
Based on personal experience, I do not predict success here.
Look at it this way - maybe she does not like you being so thin? Should she dump you just because you want to be thin?
I have a feeling that there is a certain amount of gentic tendency to weight I think although not absolutely certain about this. I always have a look at their mother to find out what she will look like in 20 years but many people dont get that far in relationships these days, so if you do, then you are both doing well. :-)
You also have to ask yourself whether you will find something not to your liking with every girl you meet and if it is a mechanism you use to reject them due to your own uncertainties or doubts.
Looking for a long term relationship I always think is a real killer. Starting out with that idea in your head is like a woman wanting to get married. For many, many men it would make them run a mile. I have to say that if I was the woman and you told me you wanted a long term relationship, I would wonder why. These long term relationship things often "just happen" because you both click and you are both not worrying whether you have backed the right horse, not many people I know "plan" them, do they?. :-)
You know her better than we do. If you think the blunt approach is best, the go with that. If not, there are other avenues you can take. I think it's best to suggest to go a way with how you know how she is and how she will react. Will she take it offensively, or will she take it with truth and understanding?
On one hand, she is a sensitive girl, on the other hand, she is understading...
I think that I can present my "problem" to her is a very delicate way, such as: "I feel that we have a very good connection, you are very special for me, you are very sexy and I'm attracted to you, but, I have a small problem. I was hestiant to mention this earlier because this is somewhat superficial and we have such a greast bond... but, I think it is important that we be totally honest with each other since this is the base for a healthy relationship. So, the problem that I have is that my natural preference for a woman is to be with a somewhat slimmer form, and don't take it the wrong way you look great, it's just my own preference and it's not something I can control. Do you think that there is something we can do together about this ?..."
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