Women want bad boys over nice guys. A bunch of bologna. (wives, marriage)
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And that is pretty much what the gals want as well. So get yourself smart, be nice, and stay cool.
You'll be fine.
Haha. Thanks. Well, in fairness, I have been able to get a couple of nice, smart and cool women. That's just my baseline requirements for dating. Then I can see what they've got to offer in the down and dirty insides.
But I understand where the frustration comes from for these guys. For most of them, they just want an average looking girl who is pretty smart and cool. And they find they are facing lots of rejection. Sometimes they are going for cool girls they feel a connection with and are getting friendzoned. Sometimes they go for girls they don't even think are that cool and are getting rejected.
"nice guys" get those girls when they've been used and abused(possibly multiple kids) by the "bad boy" and close to past their prime.
If that's not an example of finishing last I don't know what is
Now, this guy gets it. This is very true. Since I avoid single moms, and uptight/feministic/"molestees who don't have it worked out" childless women, I guess that takes me out of "nice guy" categorization. That's a good thing, IMO.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 05-13-2012 at 01:00 PM..
Only problem is ... if you get rejected enough, you start to get in the cycle of ... "I have to improve everything to be able to get a woman."
-I need to become more exciting and go out and do more exciting things, post cool stuff I've eaten and places I've been on my Facebook page.
-I need to have an attitude and never seem like a wuss.
-I need to be successful and make over 80K with eternal promise of a job with desired mobility.
-I need to work out and put on mass to compensate because I'm a smaller guy.
-I need to keep abreast of topics like the Economy, Current Events and Politics as well as more esoteric pursuits such as architecture and indie music to seem interesting.
I could go on...
But the point is ... this is stuff I think about all the time, and obviously some of this stuff gets in the way of each other. (and it seldom works! NAR)
All I want is a nice woman who is smart and cool. And I feel like I need to do all this stuff to get one.
At one time, guys would get married young, while these things either still existed (like youthful good looks and the type of fitness that one can maintain in high school) or while women could imagine that the high paying job was just around the corner. Women were also less experienced and not connected to a media telling them what they had to have.
Then the economy started pushing marriage later and the women's movement started telling women they needed to do much better than their mothers, it became much more difficult for young men on a solid track to have any success with women. Basically, success in life, for those not born with a silver spoon in their mouth, takes a lot of sacrifice and putting off fun and gratification. Women find this boring and fear that such guys are "cheap" - nearly as bad as it gets.
I have lived in both worlds. I went to public school among kids where the girls went for the bad boys. Criminal activity, laziness and over the top behavior was common and it definitely attracted the girls there. I didn't really care since I had no interest in these lowlifes. I had bigger plans.
When I got to college, I was surrounded by young men epitomizing the opposite. Initially, I thought that I'd see how the better half does it but this was not the case. A different sort of "bad boy" now took the stage. Guys whose parents had money were the new exciting ones and they got all the action. They always took the ski trips and often a winter vacation in a sunny spot. During the summer, work was a pleasure - if they even got a job.
I once had one of these guys try to stiff the rest of us in an apartment for the rent because he'd over spent his allowance on the good life. We later heard that his father told him (when he lied about where the money went) "How can you take over my company if you can't stand up to these guys!" He had a girlfriend who, as far as we could tell, only did his laundry weekly, followed by a romp in the hay. However, he treated her better than most such guys treated women in eneral!
This sort of situation continued until I was working in my 30s and I was put on a week long emergency management training course for the guys who lost out to the gender politics that had all young women promoted first. The economy was (for a rare time) healthy and we finally seemed to be getting prosperous. At the end of the week, someone suggested that we go for a beer and very unusually, the discussion got briefly onto relationship issues. Some asked everyone to give a quick outline. It was uncanny. We were all 33, all single, professionals and only one had any sort of ongoing relationship with women (the best looking guy who everyone knew regularly cheated and played the field). I was taken aback. I thought that most were married.
I then looked around and realized that if these guys were having problems, my chances were nil. Besides, at that time, it was at about that age that guys started hearing all the horror stories about separation and divorce. (Now days, much younger guys who can read, get this from the internet - they all know now!)
Since then it's been the occasional problem with letting down losers gently and being mystified why women say what they supposedly want but never seem to act on it. This brought me to CD a few years ago, still believing the MSM/feminist line that it was my fault and if I only got it right, success would stop eluding men. By then of course, I'd long since come to terms with this. Being single is a great life for most men - especially those who have it together. Most of the unhappy men I encounter have been through at least marriage (or a LTR they're stuck with) and many have also been ground up in divorce.
Blaming men for everything is the new national sport. CD made me realize that this slant was completely wrong and just an excuse used by women to justify their poor decisions.
Of course he gets it. Look at his post to rep ratio. Happy Mother's Day, BTW.
What's the difference between good men and nice guys. Could these two concepts be synonymous?
Thank you for the Mother's Day wishes! It's been a great day so far! My "good" husband made me breakfast before he went to work!
I guess "good" does sound like a label like "nice." My point was that "good" people have all sorts of different attributes. And to be honestly - nobody is all good or all bad. Just like nobody is all nice. The men I've always been attracted to have been funny, goofy, intelligent, educated, and, for lack of a better term, nice. They treated me well. I wouldn't put up with anyone who didn't treat me well. Why would I? Why does anyone? I never cared how much money a guy made, if he had a six pack, how tall he was, blah blah blah. I wanted someone who I felt comfortable with. Someone I could trip in front of and not feel like I was uncool. Someone I could laugh with. Someone I could cry with. Someone who was real. Someone who was comfortable with himself. These are not crazy aspirations. I found many men just like this. And I think they were all "good" men.
At one time, guys would get married young, while these things either still existed (like youthful good looks and the type of fitness that one can maintain in high school) or while women could imagine that the high paying job was just around the corner. Women were also less experienced and not connected to a media telling them what they had to have.
Then the economy started pushing marriage later and the women's movement started telling women they needed to do much better than their mothers, it became much more difficult for young men on a solid track to have any success with women. Basically, success in life, for those not born with a silver spoon in their mouth, takes a lot of sacrifice and putting off fun and gratification. Women find this boring and fear that such guys are "cheap" - nearly as bad as it gets.
I have lived in both worlds. I went to public school among kids where the girls went for the bad boys. Criminal activity, laziness and over the top behavior was common and it definitely attracted the girls there. I didn't really care since I had no interest in these lowlifes. I had bigger plans.
When I got to college, I was surrounded by young men epitomizing the opposite. Initially, I thought that I'd see how the better half does it but this was not the case. A different sort of "bad boy" now took the stage. Guys whose parents had money were the new exciting ones and they got all the action. They always took the ski trips and often a winter vacation in a sunny spot. During the summer, work was a pleasure - if they even got a job.
I once had one of these guys try to stiff the rest of us in an apartment for the rent because he'd over spent his allowance on the good life. We later heard that his father told him (when he lied about where the money went) "How can you take over my company if you can't stand up to these guys!" He had a girlfriend who, as far as we could tell, only did his laundry weekly, followed by a romp in the hay. However, he treated her better than most such guys treated women in eneral!
This sort of situation continued until I was working in my 30s and I was put on a week long emergency management training course for the guys who lost out to the gender politics that had all young women promoted first. The economy was (for a rare time) healthy and we finally seemed to be getting prosperous. At the end of the week, someone suggested that we go for a beer and very unusually, the discussion got briefly onto relationship issues. Some asked everyone to give a quick outline. It was uncanny. We were all 33, all single, professionals and only one had any sort of ongoing relationship with women (the best looking guy who everyone knew regularly cheated and played the field). I was taken aback. I thought that most were married.
I then looked around and realized that if these guys were having problems, my chances were nil. Besides, at that time, it was at about that age that guys started hearing all the horror stories about separation and divorce. (Now days, much younger guys who can read, get this from the internet - they all know now!)
Since then it's been the occasional problem with letting down losers gently and being mystified why women say what they supposedly want but never seem to act on it. This brought me to CD a few years ago, still believing the MSM/feminist line that it was my fault and if I only got it right, success would stop eluding men. By then of course, I'd long since come to terms with this. Being single is a great life for most men - especially those who have it together. Most of the unhappy men I encounter have been through at least marriage (or a LTR they're stuck with) and many have also been ground up in divorce.
Blaming men for everything is the new national sport. CD made me realize that this slant was completely wrong and just an excuse used by women to justify their poor decisions.
You do provide some interesting points. Establishing a career and doing on your own is TOUGH, requires sacrifice and understanding the value of a dollar. Culturally, both sexes are delaying marriage; women want to be financially secure in case the marriage ends in divorce and rightfully so. It is a double edged sword though: if women don't need men as much, there isn't societal pressure for some men to assume a life of responsibility. I've seen a few examples of men in their late twenties to early/mid thirties that spend most of their time playing the field, partying, spending countless hours in their underwear with an XBOX. They simply don't feel a need to take on responsibility for anybody but themselves.
The basic truth is though...men need to be needed. It's a biological trait. Once a woman gives off a vibe that she does need a man (which is different from being "needy") then we feel useless.
I still think men should be able to take care of a woman, even if in a marginal way, such as providing a home, being able to perform auto maintenance, mow the lawn, take out the garbage....you get the picture.
Women who want "bad guys" almost always have self-esteem issues. Think about it. Would you want:
A bad car?
A bad job?
A bad friend?
A bad parent?
A bad ANYTHING?
But these women covert a bad man? Says a lot about the foolish women who go down this road. They choose jerks to begin with and then whine when they're emotionally abused and cheated on.
This subject comes up here frequently and unevitably, a bunch of insecure men pipe in, "Well, I'm a bad guy and bad guys are AWESOME in bed!"
Women who want "bad guys" almost always have self-esteem issues. Think about it. Would you want:
A bad car?
A bad job?
A bad friend?
A bad parent?
A bad ANYTHING?
But these women covert a bad man? Says a lot about the foolish women who go down this road. They choose jerks to begin with and then whine when they're emotionally abused and cheated on.
This subject comes up here frequently and unevitably, a bunch of insecure men pipe in, "Well, I'm a bad guy and bad guys are AWESOME in bed!"
Yeah....right.
True...but some women seem to want what they can't have. The same could be said for men too.
Actually I'm confused by all this. What is it women want? A badboy or a wealthy man? B/c the two are not necessarily synonymous.
And why don't we just say that some folks have more charisma than others and everyone, male or female, is drawn to that special type of quality. Gosh, I used to work with a man who literally looked like Alfred E. Newman only with Billy Bob teeth but he had such a charismatic personality that he never lacked for dates with pretty women. And I honestly don't know how one is to build charisma except to develop an interest in other people and even then it's elusive but just don't fake being a badboy--that's when I think of the wild and crazy guys: Steve Martin & Dan Aykroyd Wild & Crazy Guys (B.V.V. Certified) (9+ Funny) - YouTube
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Exchange "man" for "woman"...
