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I said I don't respect people who have made a vow and are married who cheat or have sex even if it is open sex outside the marriage like even swingers. I knew he and his wife are, so I knew that was opening a can of worms with my comment.
So you - knowingly - told someone to their face you have no respect for them - that you even view them with disgust or that they are "loosers" - and now you are here moaning that the conversation was not pleasant? I am afraid you only have yourself to blame really.
Things like Sex and Love are fluid things that mean different things to different people. I for example am living in a full time relationship with two girls - and we are very happy too - have a house together - and have our first of 4 planned children - a wonderful girl of nearly 2 years of age.
To rail on someone because how they practice it different to you was bigotry from you and nothing more. There are many different types of relationship out there and all that should be of concern to others is that the people in them are happy.
It is also massviely disingenuous to discuss people in honest open relationships with people who cheat in the same breath. They are in no way the same thing at all. Different subjects entirely. One is practicing an honest open relationship type which you simply - and baselessly it seems - disagree with. The other is practising dishonesty and lies. There is no comparison.
And at the end of the day he is the one happy in his relationship and you are the one at home alone - too racked with trust issues to be able to find a partner - and feeling like the world has dumped on you. Which one is living the healthy lifestyle there son?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karyn4321
Those people live miserable existences and appear to be easily influenced by social trends. They lack morality.
Thankfully imaginging people are miserable in order to support your own baseless viewpoint does not mean they actually are. Anecdotally I am sure you can cherry pick examples where they are but this does not mean they all are. One can cherry pick anecdotes of misery from every walk of life - even the "traditional" family type.
Further it is worth noting that just because someone has differing moral opinions to you this does not equate to them "lacking morality". It is so easy to just declare people who differ from you to be wholesale evil or wrong. Much easier than admitting they simply have different - but just as valid - view points to you.
He only got told that after he basically cast aspersions on the guy's marriage. I don't understand why people get their panties in a twist about how other couples choose to conduct their relationships. Don't like it? Then don't do it. And don't go dumping on other people just because you're having an unfulfilling night.
Hence, the recommendation for the OP to stick to the people he agrees with, if he's unable to shut his hole around those he doesn't.
As far as the rest of it, casting aspersions on the OP because he believes in a monogamous relationship, is stupid.
So I know this guitar player. Had a conversation with him recently where the fact that he and his wife swing and it kind of got ugly at moments when we shot back at each other view points that don't agree.
It started and progressed because we were talking about the fact that I am single and have nobody I am seeing at the moment. I mentioned that the last couple times I have been out at the bars watching bands, one time his, the women that flirted and came on to me turned out they had husbands at home. I was just drinking at the bar next to them and talking and they got all flirty with me. I wasn't looking for anything with them.
He said , "well they know what their doing why didn't you go for it"? I said I don't respect people who have made a vow and are married who cheat or have sex even if it is open sex outside the marriage like even swingers. I knew he and his wife are, so I knew that was opening a can of worms with my comment.
And it did, because his over tone got nasty, and he said " you are in for a big surprise when you finally discover the real world out there and how the world is gonna dump on you if you don't grow up and how he hates attitudes like mine that demand everybody be the one and only to each other", "What century do you think this is?" he said.
I told him do what you want but don't tell me it is some enlightened attitude, to separate sex from marriage, to think that having their commitment in just emotion but leaving open sex as some separate thing is enlightened because that is a cop out for the fact that you can't commit or stand up to a promise all the way.
He didn't like what I said, and it may be judgmental but that is what I think. And frankly those married women that flirted with me that openly suggested leaving together I see with a bit of disgust.
I don't care what people do if single, I am no poster boy for morality myself, but if people want to mess around get single or stay single.
But all this has been messing with my mind recently, depressing me a bit. What happened to me at the bar, that guys viewpoint , and how so many people get divorced now and how they f... around. I know several people after years of marriage, it falling apart or where one of them cheats. It is more normal than not now.
It is all I see out there. And it scares the crap out of me and enforces my fear of even trying to find a long term commitment anymore. I am NOT gonna be the guy who's wife is trying to get some strange while I am at home. And I am not going to the guy who lets his woman get open sex from others in order to save their marriage. I am not going to be the guy who after 20 years of marriage has his wife leave him to reunite with a long lost from facebook.
I cannot understand how a guy would be alright with his woman doing other guys, even if it is supposedly that he has her heart and those other guys are just sport.
Yeah I am judgmental that way, I think those guys are loosers....
He said the world will take a dump on me if I don't grow up, I think it already has.......
This is why I just get hookers. Pay them and leave, let some other sucker deal with woman problems.
I don't have a problem with polyamory or open marriage; I just can't see it for myself. I do have to say, on the flip side of people who call swingers/participants in open marriage "losers", there are the people who are almost evangelical about their alternative lifestyle. Maybe I wouldn't go as far as to say that they are trying to "recruit" other people, but sometimes it seems like I have been treated to an infomercial about how superior their lifestyle is to others' (who, of course are unenlightened, immature, and ass-backwards for not believing the same.) Guess these people don't quite get what "alternative" means.
Again, I'd like to emphasize that I am not talking about everyone who swings or whatnot; just the ones that are obnoxious about it.
I'm kind of confused as to why you would purposely offend this guy but I guess you wanted to - since you did. Other people being involved in open marriages doesn't really have to have any affect on your life whatsoever. There are plenty of people that are involved in monogamous marriages - and if that is what you want, then that is what you will have. Unfortunately, marriages don't come with a "no cheating" guarantee but most things in life don't come with guarantees.
I've been married for 7 years. We are monogamous. We don't cheat. We are an until death do us part couple. But if other people want to swing - that's their business and who am I to say how they should live their lives. If it makes them happy and works for them - that's all that really matters.
Then why get married in the first place OR why stay married? Why not just be single and mess around all you want without a committment to anyone?
Then why get married in the first place OR why stay married? Why not just be single and mess around all you want without a committment to anyone?
Because it's not an either/or situation. You can want and have all the love and emotional commitment of marriage, and the fun of sexual variety and adventure as well. They are NOT mutually exclusive unless you want them to be for whatever reason, and some people do not while still having a great relationship.
Then why get married in the first place OR why stay married? Why not just be single and mess around all you want without a committment to anyone?
Well, since you read my post - you'd see that I'm not a swinger so this doesn't really apply to me. I can only really answer as to why I got married. But - the post below might shed some light...
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
Because it's not an either/or situation. You can want and have all the love and emotional commitment of marriage, and the fun of sexual variety and adventure as well. They are NOT mutually exclusive unless you want them to be for whatever reason, and some people do not while still having a great relationship.
And also - marriage is about many things - love, finances, lifestyle, etc. From my understanding -there are people that want to spend their entire lives with each other but still have sexual freedom. If it works for them - it works for them. Marriage isn't solely about sex. Now, I would never be okay with an open marriage - but I didn't marry a swinger, I married my husband.
My husband and I have combined all of our finances. This makes sense to us. There are couples that keep all their finances separate. This doesn't make sense to us - but I'm not going to tell them that they can't do that or that they don't have a real marriage because of it.
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