Dating a wonderful divorced woman with 3 great kids (wife, girlfriend, married)
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I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
Well it was your first time in this situation, correct?
Based on your description of the ex's relationship with your gf, it seems like that isn't going away. He's the father of her 3 kids. I'd say give it another shot. Maybe next time won't be so uncomfortable. Maybe they family needed to warm up to you as well. Some people also are happily married for decades even though they NEVER warmed up to the in-laws.
I'm sure it was awkward for you, I've been there too, but you need to look in the mirror for your own advice. Does your relationship and future and love for this woman outweigh the awkardness and uncomfortable feelings you may have to endure from time to time?
I personally think it's something that could improve with time or if you worked with your gf on it. It's up to you at this point.
I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
In situations where a person was previously married and had kids you are just going to have to expect some awkward moments when building a new relationship together.
Here's what you should remember - time is your friend.
Do not rush into anything - let the relationship build slowly.
Since you do see her as your "perfect woman", there is just no reason to get in a hurry to make the situation "perfect" okay?
Your overreaction was normal, so don't read too much in to that. It was a tough spot to be in for sure, but it will get better if you can just be patient!
I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
Been there a couple of times.
Dude, life is full of uncomfortable situations. If this woman is everything your said and your "In Love" with her then I don't see you have any other choice. If her Family is "Normal and functional" to you than it shouldn't be a stretch. The "Big" advantage of seeing a woman with kids is you know what you are getting!
I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
Would you rather the ex husband be a deadbeat and out of her life and she has to shoulder the load of the children alone?
I think not.
So your situation is actually preferable.
I think three kids is a lot too, but you do what you feel you must.
I don't think the situation is unmanageable, but her ex is always going to be in the background, at least. I think a bigger issue may be whether or not YOU want children of your own, and is this likely with this woman?
I stopped reading at 3 great kids. Sorry man, but I couldnt do it.
seriously.. what is up with men who know full well that a woman has a slew of kids already and STILL get emotionally attached to them? its unnatural to be raising another man's kids which is the road this guy is gona be taking soon if he keeps this going. 3 kids. you think she'll want another..? if yes, thats 4 mouths to feed, only one of which is yours. if no, you're stuck raising 3 kids who will never call u respect you as their dad seeing as how their dad is apparently a 'great guy'.. you'll basically be putting up with their crap for years and years until they go to college.
she's not perfect. go find yourself a nice 20-something year old with low miles and a ripe, non hollowed out uterus.
I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
I would have felt the same way. But, I dont think it is uncomfortable for some people and I dont think they realize how odd it seems for others. My late sister and her ex and his new wife and her new husband had this friendly situation and I found it rather odd. They all got together for the kids and grandkids birthdays, holidays and such. I think it was awkward for my new BIL for a while, but he use to it. So I think it does get easier.
Would you rather the ex husband be a deadbeat and out of her life and she has to shoulder the load of the children alone?
I think not.
So your situation is actually preferable.
I think three kids is a lot too, but you do what you feel you must.
Right, you should prefer that the GF and her ex get along. You don't want to come into a relationship where there is drama with the ex. You have to deal with your girlfriend screaming at her ex, drama during pick up and drop off of the kids, court battles over child support and ex saying hateful things to kids about the mother of his kids. Just go to a divorce or child custody forum and read the horrible stories of drama that each parent has to deal with from their ex.
It can show the character of your gf. It may show her patience, understanding and putting her kids first by creating a welcoming and happy environment for her kids. That's the type of person you want a relationship with because every women couldn't do that.
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